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i need the brother hood, serious topic

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by supersize75k5, Mar 20, 2007.

  1. supersize75k5

    supersize75k5 OrganDonorRacing.com

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    the last few months my sister has lived with me, then she moved back home to "get it together" well then her childs dad and her start dating, they both move in along with the child.


    things are ok for a while, but she works a night job bartending, she use to date her boss and they are close, for months my parants have had concerns of her using drugs, meth is the drug on topic here:( she has been really odd, i didnt want to think it, i feel like i was avoiding this almost. today i looked in her purse, i found 2 pipes and 2 small baggies, the drugs were crystal like, with a white looking powder in the pips:( i took the drugs flushed them and broke the pipes and threw the baggies and broken glass in a dumpster.

    i alerted my mom, dad and her b/f david. brittany is sleeping right now, i am very concerned and dead positive her boss and a friend she long bagged on was a worthless drugy is who she is doing this with, i looked through her phone and got every number. i left a note in her purse that her and i need to talk and that for her to call me when she calms down and that i love her.

    i just am worried, she had a kid, my niece is in day care during the day and brit works nights so this lets her stay up till the morning an sleep all day, her and her child and boyfriend are together only in the afternoon for few hours.

    my game plan so far it to follow her tonight, im sure whe will say she has to work, so tonight we'll let her go, then i plan to follow her and watch her tonight. the guy she dated her boss is older and owns or manages the bar, and i suspect her is who she is using with. if i do find out he had drugs sold or used at the bar i will have a family member who is a sherriff bust their ass.

    i need comments, ideas, a game plan, info or ideas on how i can support her through this. i have never done or tried drugs, and have very little info on them or the people who use them.i am afraid to do anything that would push her over the edge i dont and cant loose my sister tghis has me crumbling inside i cant even stop crying right mow

    :(

    help me please

    -shawn
     
  2. stoney126

    stoney126 1/2 ton status

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    Does she have a history of past drug use? This might be a casual thing or the start of something very serious. She may give it up if she knows the effects it's having on your family. As far as following her, I dunno about that. I just see it backfiring on you. Nobody likes to be spied on
     
  3. pauly383

    pauly383 Daddy383 Staff Member Moderator

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    Unfortunatley , some people can't be helped , or they won't let you help until they hit rock bottom . Its going to be up to your sister to change . God willing she does .

    Yes , a Sherriff , and busting someone could have the effect of making her quit , but it also messes up her life and the child some more .

    I would talk to your parents , maybe they can get her to go to counseling or rehab , and take the baby in the interim .

    Whatever yo do be very careful following her . Some of the places tweakers go aren't very nice , and if you get in some of their faces , it could get ugly .

    I would just call your parents .
     
  4. SkysTheLimit

    SkysTheLimit 1/2 ton status

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    I don't have any experience with drugs either nor does my sister but I can tell you from what I read, that the first steps you took were probably the best. I can't say that I wouldn't fly off the handle and do something stupid to whoever introduced her to drugs so my hat is off to you.

    One thing you might want to consider is she probably depends on her paycheck from the bar so get her into another job quickly, then send in the DEA to close the place down. That will take care of the boss/ex/cohort.

    You will probably want to coordinate whatever you do with the BF. It seems they're together and they have a child together so this will have a big impact on him. He should definately be in the loop if he is trusted to not be part of the problem.

    They say Meth is a hell of a drug and devistating to say the least. It's not going to be a pleasant road ahead. The thing will probably be the best the help is the love and support of her family. Her child is going to play a big part of this. What angles you can use there, I don't know without exploiting the child and/or emotionally scarring her.

    What I can say for certain is I've seen this place pick some brothers up out of some deep dark holes and I'm confident you'll be no exception and you and yours will pull through.

    The prayers will be flowin I know.
     
  5. Craig Artzner

    Craig Artzner 3/4 ton status GMOTM Winner

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    I think it's a good idea to get the sheriff involved, and it's a definite plus that he's a family member. I don't know what kind of person you are, you seem levelheaded and thoughtful. All I can say is I wouldn't try any vigilante tactics like kicking other people's arses (as much as they may deserve it). You'll just create more problems for everyone. You seem to be on the right track so far. Hang in there man...
     
  6. mikey_d05

    mikey_d05 1 ton status GMOTM Winner

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    I would say that following her might be a bad idea. Even if nothing bad happens, (keep in mind that I don't know anyone involved here) she will probably get irritational if caught in the act and I doubt anything good will come of it.

    Sit her down, talk to her about it. Include her boyfriend if he's on your side. Try and reason with her and get her to think of the baby.

    I have no practical experience with a situation like this, so I'm afraid that's all I can offer. I'll be thinking of you guys. :(
     
  7. CDA 455

    CDA 455 3/4 ton status

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    The child's wellbeing is numero uno concern, period.

    Well when she find her stash gone, she'll know somethings up.

    I'm assuming she's an adult physically.

    Depending on how open the commo line is, it's going to be tough telling her the realities of her problems.

    Drug rehab. is in the near future; like this afternoon!!! Find where one is near you now, not tomorrow.

    However, she is the captain of her ship. If she refuses drug 'crisis intervention' rehab., it's time to call the 'Child Welfare Department' because her child is now 'at risk/in danger'. There is no 'pretty or cute' way of saying it. I deal with this all the time in the E.R. This is where tough love starts.

    Your sis needs to professional help, period. Not N.A. (Narcotics Anonymous).

    This may sound corny but: This is the first day of the rest of your sisters, your family's, and your life. Your sister, your family, and you have a tough, tough road ahead. But it can be overcome and successful.

    PM me if you have any more questions or concerns.
     
  8. CDA 455

    CDA 455 3/4 ton status

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    X2, good advise.
     
  9. supersize75k5

    supersize75k5 OrganDonorRacing.com

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    to answer some questions,

    previous drug use, yes, when my parants dicorced i left the house at that point and have never really known to what degree the problem was back then.

    the boyfriend is in the loop, he is concerned, and shocked but it all makes sence now with her sleeping/eating. attitude and blowing up or being irritated real easy, her money problems it all makes sence. he is not going anywhere and is a good guy in my eyes and loves her alot, he is scared of loosing her and just about fell apart when i told him everything. i was planning on moving into my own place down the road in may, i was irritated and tired of dealing with her crap. now that i know for sure i feel leaving would not be good for her or them. i will make her in some damn way quit her job, it takes away her reason to leave and be out at night. david and i pay all the bills for the most part, and i dont think him or i have problem paying for the rest.

    her employer, i have really looked into her voicemail and phone and she is really connected to him, messages are from 11pm-5 am often. if i can find anything out i will do my best to get his place closed or him picked up on it, i assume or want to find out if he is also close to another girl, the druggie one that my sister works with there. as for following her, at this point i am concerned for her well being, i am picking up my new jeep tonight and she has no idea about it or that i am buying it so i will use that, i called my tint guy and he should get it done before tonight, the windows are clear as hell:crazy::crazy:
     
    Last edited: May 16, 2013
  10. CDA 455

    CDA 455 3/4 ton status

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    'Getting in together' means checking into a rehab. A.S.A.P., NOW, TODAY.
    It means nothing else. She needs professional help.

    Forget the job, forget school, forget boyfriend. She needs to focus on herself getting help, period. It's that serious.

    And since she has a drug history, it's going to be that much harder, I'm sorry to tell you but I want to give you the heads-up, O.K.?

    Also, if nothing else, go to the nearest E.R. with her and tell them she's a drug addict (use those exact words) and wants help.

    That's what/how I deal with them all the time because I work in an E.R.
     
  11. gjk5

    gjk5 3/4 ton status

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    I would go along with most of the other comments, don't follow her and don't try and get all vigilante.

    As far as the Sheriff goes, I would do everything I could to handle this within the family if I were you; you call the popo and she gets caught up in this and she has a record for life.

    If you feel like there is imminent danger to her, or once you have gotten her out of this situation and want the boss and scrody gf to get some shiny bracelets, that's one thing. You call them now and they start watching him and they're gonna have all her ph calls and visits tracked and registered too, and she'll be a "person of interest" or possibly tagged my your local meth task force (almost all SW communities have them now) as a user. also not good.

    Nor do you want her reported to DCHS as a poor parent, which is very common if she is identified as a known meth user. Several around here have lost their kids due to this and even once cleaned up have a real hard time getting them back.


    I feel for you man. My sister got into coke and crack back in the 90's and luckily we were able to drag her ass back to reality, now she's teacher of the year for her district. Don't lose hope or get too discouraged.
     
  12. Confedneck79K30

    Confedneck79K30 3/4 ton status

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    shawn i cannot tell you how much she will need your support... ive been close to someone in a similar situation as your sister and they told me that it was the camraderie and friendships that made the biggest difference... get enough people involved to make her realize it's a problem, without too many people having to know...

    good luck bro!
     
  13. CDA 455

    CDA 455 3/4 ton status

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    I respectfully disagree from a point of view of being concerned for the child. And isn't she a poor mom via her 'recreational intake'?

    It borders on perpetuating the problem. As I stated in my previous post , the child's well being is #1, not second to the mom's problem.

    I see your concern, but the mom has to deal with the consequences from the choices she's made, period.
     
  14. skyyk5

    skyyk5 1/2 ton status

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    First- I was going to Quote CDA's first reply, But read everything after, and agree with 90 % of It. Your talking "crystal like " drugs here, it aint pot, not easy to just stop doing! Talk to her, see if she would agree to rehab, agree to help herself! Remind her of her child.

    If that don't work, your going to have to do "Tuff Love", sorry it sucks. But you have to do what is best. If this is not the first time, it might be hard.

    Been through it with a EX. I tried long and hard to help, but she wouldn't help herself. It will be hard on everyone.

    I wish you the best of luck! Hope everything works out good.
     
  15. gjk5

    gjk5 3/4 ton status

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    I would agree with you totally were there not a strong family support system in place. It seems that Shawn and his family are ready to step up, and I personally would see if the sister is willing to make a change and let the family help before involving the authorities.

    I guess I'm just saying that the consequences of involving DCHS would not only be the Mom's, they would have to be suffered by the child and the rest of the family. Taking the decision out of the hands of responsible family members and placing in the hands of an untrained, unconcerned and likely unintelligent bureaucrat would be a last resort should sis decide to tell them all to go to hell.
     
  16. skyyk5

    skyyk5 1/2 ton status

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    Well worst case.- If you know she as drugs on her, get her busted. It's hard to say, and real hard to do. But the child would go to the father, or grandparents. And jail could help, but it could hert also.

    It's hard thing to go through. And every person is different. Just writting this reminds me how hard it was to try and help. Hang in there!
     
  17. CDA 455

    CDA 455 3/4 ton status

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    You have an excellent point here.

    Usually when I see them, it's because something ends up happening: accident, neglect, arrested (mom), etc. And the child(ren) are sent to the E.R. for injuries/illness, health eval.,etc, before being handed to the appropriate authorities.
     
  18. thatK30guy

    thatK30guy 1 ton status Premium Member

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    After reading all the responses, I'd have to say listen to CDA 455.

    I'd also add, do not follow her nor talk to her. If she finds out you are, she is likely to rebel against you and blame you for all the problems. This can lead to hardships down the road. Try to stay out of the picture and let someone else take care of it, namely the sheriff.
    Do be there for her to listen to, lend a shoulder for her to lean/cry on, etc. Just stay out of the way and don't tell her you knew, found out, called the sheriff, etc. Just stay low and be there for her.
    Later on, after she's sobered up for a long time, then you can tell her what you found out and did about it. She should understand then that you did the best thing for her and the childs life.
     
  19. bowtiepower00

    bowtiepower00 1/2 ton status

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    As someone who has watched addiction to alcohol and meth ruin many close friends and relatives, my advice is this: To start, you need to step in RIGHT NOW and say something. She will probably blow you off, you need to get serious with her, don't let her sweet talk you. If she has the crap she is using it.

    KEEP THE COPS OUT. The last thing you need is for her to get a permanent mark on her record and have to deal with child services, etc., IF YOU CAN AVOID IT. No reason to be a narc, especially to your own sister. This will haunt her for years as it is, and is tough enough to recover from without people judging her for years based on her record. Also, once they are involved they will remain that way, like it or not.

    There are lots of good treatment centers down here, everyone is a meth addict out here. Try to get her to consider going to one. Meth is nasty stuff, the worst there is. You can't just quit like you can many other things, it really grabs ahold of people.

    If she is unreceptive to any of this, do what you can to take her kid and kick her ass out of your house, ASAP, PERIOD. Again, without calling the police. I would also refuse to let her friends into your house either. Meth makes people do really crazy stuff, and when things get bad enough she and/or her friends who use will take your stuff.

    Nip this stuff in the bud now before it gets any worse. Keep the cops/ authorities out. Generally, they treat drug users like absolute crap and without regard for their future. If you ruin her future and/or bring the hammer down she may never talk to you again.

    As mentioned before, make sure the child is the priority.

    Don't give her one single thing if she refuses help. Don't listen to her BS if she denies anything or gives you a sob story, etc. And remember, shoot informants, not drugs.

    Again, RESOLVE THIS WITHIN THE FAMILY, and/or a counselor. Keep the cops out. It's intervention time.

    Finally, keep in mind that the ONLY person who can really help her is HERSELF. If she is not ready to get clean she is not going to. It is your job to convince her that her soberity is the only way for her to survive this. She may have to break all ties with her current friends/ users/ suppliers. Also, jail and the like really don't have any effect on an addict, other than putting them in a place that is full of like minded individuals and criminals. That is not the solution. Rehab, 12 step programs, religion, etc., are the way to fix this, not scaring her straight.

    One last thing: The only thing worse than turning her in is enabling her- (providing her the opportunity to continue to use, by giving her money, help, etc.). If she refuses help then you have to kick her out, hard as it may be. Enlist the help of as many people as you can, but make sure that they aren't going to be judgemental and make the process more difficult.
     
  20. TSGB

    TSGB 1 ton status

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    I would advise against that. There is definitely a risk of getting tagged for kidnapping, and who knows what else.
     

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