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I would suck as a big brother

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by mountainexplorer, Mar 22, 2006.

  1. mountainexplorer

    mountainexplorer 1/2 ton status

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    Ok, I would truly suck at being a big brother if I was one. My cousin is here with us, separated from her family she is used to and feeling alone. I don't know what to do or say.

    I know I can't truly be her real brother, but I want to make her feel welcome. I can't think up a subject of discussion to talk about, and since I like being alone when I'm feeling sad, when I see her wanting to cry I give her space and let her be by herself in her room.

    I want to do or say something, but I'm at a loss. And I don't want to act too friendly or pushy considering 3.5 weeks ago she had never even met me before.

    I'm needing advice from big brothers. What should I do!?
     
  2. justhorsinaround

    justhorsinaround 3/4 ton status

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    I wouldn't do anything just yet. Here in a bit though take her out in one of your nicer vehicles and show her the sights. One would think that eventually that would lead to telling stories about local landmarks and hopefully some stories from her to maybe get the ball rolling.

    I don't think you're a bad big brother just not fabulous at being an instant big brother.
     
  3. Resurrection_Joe

    Resurrection_Joe 1 ton status

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    I'd recommend not saying anything, but being within sight and being calm and relaxed. That way they can just cry if they want to and not say anything, but if they need to talk, you're immediately available and have not done anything to imply any judgement. If they act embarassed just look at the cieling or your boots.
     
  4. gauder

    gauder Banned

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    Oooh, oooh, I know. Buy her something shiny!
     
  5. mountainexplorer

    mountainexplorer 1/2 ton status

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    I've kind of been doing that. Trying to just be here in or near the house, especially when no one else is. If my mom or aunt are around, I'll take off. But like right now, I have things to go do or places I could go, but I don't want to leave her all alone in the house.

    Most likely, she won't need anything or won't even pay attention if I'm here or gone, but in the case she does, I want to be around so she doesn't feel totally abandoned. I have to go drop something off at a friend's. I might tell her and invite her to go with (though I know she won't want to) then let her know I'll be right back.

    I don't really have a "nicer vehicle" here right now that runs. Just Brutus (which left me stranded here all of Monday and half of Tuesday). I figure it's still as good as half the vehicles she has been around... or maybe not.

    Can't really take her outside much either cause she's not used to how cold it is.

    I'm also lacking desire to work on things outside (I have a self-psychological explanation for that). But I figure soon I'll be motivated to work on things again... and I guess I'll still be close by when I do.
     
  6. ryoken

    ryoken Puppy Fabricator Premium Member GMOTM Winner

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    You'll be fine Allen.. Your a good guy and your heart is in the right place...

    My suggestion would definitely be don't push her, but maybe at some point where she seems ok and not sad, mention in passing that if she wants to talk about anything, your there for her..

    she may remember this at that time she really needs to talk about something.. and I'm sure your advice will be sound and sincere.

    I'm sure it seems awkward now, but just quietly pay attention and I'm sure you find plenty to talk to her about...
     
  7. Corey 78K5

    Corey 78K5 1 ton status

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    If it were Me. The first thing I would do is let Her know that I'm not an emotional tampon and to save the drama. Oh then I would tell Her to quit Her usless whining. Thats of course if She was older:D
     
  8. TSGB

    TSGB 1 ton status

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    How old is she?

    Think she would dig a trip up to Allantown?
     
  9. gofergurl

    gofergurl 1/2 ton status

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    As far as I can tell what you are doing would be good for now. From a girl's point of view: giving her the space and time to be alone and cry or what not is good. I know that when I get upset my mom butts in too much and it just makes me even more upset. When she does come around either take her for a ride around town or see if there is something fun that you guys can do. And the others have good advice too.
     
  10. 3 on the tree

    3 on the tree 1/2 ton status

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    She misses her boyfriend. She is in a totally alien place, with people she does not know that well. Give her some space, but dont let her become a recluse. Take her with you on some short outings. She is going to be reluctant, partially due to language skills. Find something to include her in that does not require alot of talking. Being a big brother is like being a parent-you don't know all the answers, just the questions. I think you will do fine.
     
  11. mountainexplorer

    mountainexplorer 1/2 ton status

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    She's 17. She doesn't really try and show her emotions around me... so I'm assuming when she goes in her room she may be crying or feel sad or alone. I don't want her to feel alone but I don't want to disrupt her alone time either. So far she hasn't wanted to go anywhere, and I don't want to push it on her that much to go.

    I did show her some pictures and albums the other night, and 1st thing I did the 2nd day after she got here was blow up and frame an 8x10 picture of her and her boyfriend to put in her room and I set it outside her door to find.

    I tried looking for a radio around here a bit ago so that she could try and listen to music in her room, but we don't have one that could be conveniently moved or used down there. Maybe tomorrow I'll take the one out of the garage and give to her.
     
  12. NoReGrEtS

    NoReGrEtS 1/2 ton status

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    I dont know how old she is or how old you are but I would just invite her to come with you or ask her if she would like to go do some thing/get some thing. I get my brother 20, sister 15, to come tag along. I act more like a friend, some one they can have fun with. I have another brother 22, that we dont hang out and it can be a chalange. good luck though
     
  13. nad

    nad 1/2 ton status

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    Convince her to go wheeling with you to break the ice!! :)

    I'd just let her be when she's down like that, but be sure to let her know that you're there for her if she needs you for anything, that way she won't think you just don't give a crap. All you can do is try your best to be nice, and make her feel at home.
     
  14. CustomChevy

    CustomChevy 1/2 ton status

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    The Following is NOT serious advice.


    Take her to meet the shucks girl ... I'll bet even she could get us some pics :D



    The following IS serious advice.

    Sounds like you've got it covered man. you're a good guy, just do what you feel is right.
     

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