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If I were president...............

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by Jeremy_C, Aug 11, 2004.

  1. Jeremy_C

    Jeremy_C 1/2 ton status

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    Orginally titled if George Patton was president.

    My fellow Americans:

    As you all know, the defeat of Iraq's regime has been completed.

    Since congress does not want to spend any more money on this war, our
    mission in Iraq is complete.

    This morning I gave the order for a complete removal of all American forces
    from Iraq. This action will be complete within 30 days. It is now time to
    begin the reckoning.

    Before me, I have two lists. One list contains the names of countries which
    have stood by our side during the Iraq conflict. This list is short: The
    United Kingdom, Spain, Bulgaria, Australia, Norway and Poland are some of
    the countries listed there.

    The other list contains everyone not on the first list. Most of the world's
    nations are on that list.

    My press secretary will be distributing copies of both lists later this
    evening.

    Let me start by saying that effective immediately, foreign aid to those
    nations on List 2 ceases immediately and indefinitely. The money saved
    during the first year alone will pretty much pay for the costs of the Iraqi
    war.

    The American people are no longer going to pour money into third world
    hell-holes and watch those government leaders grow fat on corruption.

    Need help with a famine? Wrestling with an epidemic? Call France.

    In the future, together with Congress, I will work to cut taxes and solve
    some local problems.

    On that note, a word to terrorist organizations. Screw with us and we will
    hunt you down and eliminate you and all your friends from the face of the
    earth.

    Thirsting for a gutsy country to terrorize? Try France, or maybe China.

    To Israel and the Palestinian Authority. You, boys. Work out a peace deal
    now. Just note that Camp David is closed.

    Maybe all of you can go to Russia for negotiations. They have some great
    palaces there. Big tables, too.

    I'm ordering the immediate severing of diplomatic relations with France,
    Germany, and Russia. Thanks for all your help, comrades. We are retiring
    from NATO as well. Bon chance, mes amis.

    I have instructed the Mayor of New York City to begin towing the many UN
    diplomatic vehicles located in Manhattan with more than two unpaid tickets
    to sites where those vehicles will be stripped, shredded and crushed.

    I don't care about whatever treaty pertains to this. Pay your tickets
    tomorrow or watch your precious Benzes, Beamers, and limos be turned over
    to
    some of the finest chop shops in the world. I love New York.

    A special note to our neighbors; Canada is on List 2. Since we are going to
    be seeing a lot more of each other, you folks might want to try not pissing
    us off for a change. Mexico is also on List 2. President Fox and his entire
    corrupt government really need an attitude adjustment. I have a couple of
    extra tank and infantry divisions sitting around. Guess where I'm gonna put
    'em? Yep, border security. So start doing something with your oil.

    Oh, by the way, the United States is abrogating the NAFTA treatystarting
    now.

    It is time for America to focus on its own welfare and its own citizens.
    Some will accuse us of isolationism. I answer them by saying darn tootin'.

    Nearly a century of trying to help folks live a decent life around the
    world
    has only earned us the undying enmity of just about everyone on the planet.
    It is time to cut taxes here because we will not be spending on other
    peoples problems.

    To the nations on List 1, a final thought. Thanks guys. We owe you.

    To the nations on List 2, a final thought. Drop dead. God bless America.

    Thank you and good night.
    /forums/images/graemlins/bow.gif
     
  2. 1-ton

    1-ton 1/2 ton status Premium Member

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    If I where President, I would take away the "Incorporation" protections of personal property from any American ex-patriot company that used places like the Cayman Islands to hide their profits from taxation.

    I would also force corporate America to list " derivatives" and "stock options" as liabilities on their books.

    I would also mandate "net cash flow" figures along with the standard P to E ratios, they so like to manipulate, on all corporate perspectives.

    This would scare the hell out corporate America so bad, that they would have me assassinated.
     
  3. Resurrection_Joe

    Resurrection_Joe 1 ton status

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    If I were president, i'd wear t shirts on public adresses that weren't too important, open carry, curse a lot, and punch foreigners I hate

    Oh and I'd give all you guys....like..... some stickers or little flags or something
     
  4. hi pinion

    hi pinion 3/4 ton status

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    **PLUMBING THE WORLD**
    If i were president i would stop giving big fat buisness loans to people who cant even speak english properly,make it a priority to give americans an "affordable" medical plan for their familys,and take away all free welfare to people who dont need it so i dont have to pay for them sitting on their asses all day,give more money to childrens schooling, i would make it so not just anyone can get in and get "free money",i would stop giving millions of dollars to help other countreis,and mind my own damn buisness and take care of my people FIRST before aiding millions to others. /forums/images/graemlins/deal.gif /forums/images/graemlins/thumb.gif I promised myself i would never post anything ever about politics, but there it is...........
     
  5. or2play

    or2play 1/2 ton status

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    This came through somebody's email when I was in Kuwait at the start of the war. It was titled Bush's Happy 4th of July speech.
     
  6. gjk5

    gjk5 3/4 ton status

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    The sanest most common sense foreign policy plan I have ever seen.

    to bad we're too big of pussies to implement it.
     
  7. chubbybob

    chubbybob 1/2 ton status

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    [ QUOTE ]
    The sanest most common sense foreign policy plan I have ever seen.

    to bad we're too big of pussies to implement it.

    [/ QUOTE ]

    you nailed that right on the head /forums/images/graemlins/waytogo.gif

    and its a sad thing but so damn true /forums/images/graemlins/angryfire.gif
     
  8. jarheadk5

    jarheadk5 1/2 ton status

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    [ QUOTE ]
    [ QUOTE ]
    The sanest most common sense foreign policy plan I have ever seen.

    to bad we're too big of pussies to implement it.

    [/ QUOTE ]

    you nailed that right on the head /forums/images/graemlins/waytogo.gif

    and its a sad thing but so damn true /forums/images/graemlins/angryfire.gif

    [/ QUOTE ]


    So true it's depressing... /forums/images/graemlins/angryfire.gif /forums/images/graemlins/angryfire.gif /forums/images/graemlins/angryfire.gif
     

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