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If Santa answered his mail honestly...

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by BigBluOx, Dec 10, 2002.

  1. BigBluOx

    BigBluOx 1/2 ton status

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    Dear Santa: I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud
    boy all yeer. Yer Frend, BiLLy

    Dear Billy, Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care.
    How about I send you a f***ing book so you can learn to read and write?
    I'm giving your older brother the space ranger. At least he can spell.
    Santa

    *****
    Dear Santa, I have been a good girl all year,and the only thing I ask
    for is peace and joy in the world for everybody! Love, Sarah

    Dear Sarah, Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?
    Santa

    *****
    Dear Santa, I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like
    for my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do.
    Love, Teddy

    Dear Teddy, Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door
    in a hurricane. Let me get you some nice Legos instead. Santa

    *****
    Dear Santa, I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left
    carrots for your reindeer outside the back door. Love, Susan

    Dear Susan, Milk gives me the runs and carrots make the deer fart in my
    face when riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Leave me a
    bottle of scotch. Santa

    *****
    Dear Santa, What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy
    making toys? Your friend, Thomas

    Dear Thomas, All the toys are made in China. I have a condo in Vegas,
    where I spend most of my time making low-budget porno films. I unwind by
    drinking myself silly while losing money at the craps table. Hey, you
    wanted to know. Santa

    *****
    Dear Santa, I really really want a puppy this year. Please please please
    PLEASE PLEASE could I have one? Timmy

    Dear Timmy, That whiney begging [censored] may work with your folks, but that
    crap doesn't work with me. You're getting a sweater again. Santa

    *****
    Dearest Santa, We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into
    our house? Love, Marky

    Mark, First, stop calling yourself "Marky" that's why you're getting
    your ass kicked at school. Second you don't live in a house, you live in
    a low-rent apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just like all
    the burglars do, through your bedroom window. Sweet Dreams, Santa

    Jon /forums/images/graemlins/burb.gif
     
  2. TopOff

    TopOff 1/2 ton status

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    /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif
     
  3. jackedjimmy350

    jackedjimmy350 1/2 ton status

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    /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/thumb.gif
     
  4. hammer

    hammer 1/2 ton status

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    /forums/images/graemlins/cool.gif /forums/images/graemlins/thumb.gif
     
  5. uglychevyZZ4

    uglychevyZZ4 3/4 ton status

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    /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif i had that one last year, i lovee the babysitter comment, now thats bangin baby /forums/images/graemlins/thumb.gif /forums/images/graemlins/thumb.gif /forums/images/graemlins/thumb.gif
     
  6. UseYourBlinker

    UseYourBlinker 1 ton status

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    </font><blockquote><font class="small">In reply to:</font><hr />
    Dear Santa, I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like
    for my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do.
    Love, Teddy

    Dear Teddy, Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door
    in a hurricane. Let me get you some nice Legos instead. Santa

    [/ QUOTE ]

    LMAO!! That's friggin great! /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif
     
  7. NoAngel

    NoAngel 1/2 ton status

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    Sep 19, 2001
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    Northampton,MA
    </font><blockquote><font class="small">In reply to:</font><hr />
    I AM BRETT FAVRE'S LOVE SLAVE AND I'VE BEEN A NAUGHTY BOY, THAT'S WHY I GOT SPANKED

    [/ QUOTE ]

    JACKEDJIMMY GOT HIS CHRISTMAS WISH!! BEND OVER! /forums/images/graemlins/thumb.gif
     

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