If you ever wanted to know the difference.....long but funny

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by darkshadow, Feb 17, 2005.

  1. darkshadow

    darkshadow 1 ton status

    Dec 6, 2003
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    how men and woman think..

    Let's say a guy named Roger is attracted to a woman named Elaine.
    He asks her out to a movie; she accepts; they have a pretty good time.
    few nights later he asks her out to dinner, and again they enjoy
    They continue to see each other regularly, and after
    a while neither of them is seeing anybody else.
    And then one evening when they're driving home, a thought occurs
    to Elaine, and without really thinking, she says aloud: "Do you realize
    that, as of tonight, we've been seeing each other for exactly six
    And then there is a silence in the car. To Elaine, it seems like
    a very loud silence. She thinks to herself, "Geez, I wonder if it
    him that I said that. Maybe he's been feeling confined by our
    maybe he thinks I'm trying to push him into some kind of obligation
    that he
    doesn't want or isn't sure of.

    And Roger is thinking: Gosh, six months.

    And Elaine is thinking: But, hey I'm not so sure I want this kind
    of relationship either. Sometimes I wish I had a little more space, so
    I'd have time to think about whether I really want us to keep going
    the way we are, moving steadily toward....I mean, where are we going?
    Are we just going to keep seeing each other at this level of intimacy?
    we heading toward marriage? Toward children? Toward a lifetime
    together? Am I ready for that level of commitment? Do I really even
    this person?

    And Roger is thinking: ...so that means it was...let's
    when we started going out, which was right after I had the car at the
    dealer's, which means..lemme check the odometer...Whoa! I am way
    for an oil change here.

    And Elaine is thinking: He's upset. I can see it on his face.
    Maybe I'm reading this completely wrong. Maybe he wants more from our
    relationship; more intimacy, more commitment; maybe he sensed--even
    before I
    sensed it--that I was feeling some reservations. Yes, I
    bet that's it. That's why he's so reluctant to say anything about his
    own feelings. He's afraid of being rejected.
    And Roger is thinking: And I'm gonna have them look at the
    again. I don't care what those morons say, it's still not shifting
    And they better not try to blame it on the cold weather this time.
    cold weather? It's 87 degrees out, and this
    thing is shifting like a garbage truck; and I've already paid those
    incompetent thieves $600.

    And Elaine is thinking: He's angry. And I don't blame him. I'd
    be angry too. God, I feel so guilty, putting him through this, but I
    can't help the way I feel. I'm just not sure.
    And Roger is thinking: They'll probably say it's only a 90 day
    warranty. That's exactly what they're gonna say, the scumballs.
    And Elaine is thinking: Maybe I'm just to idealistic, waiting for
    a knight to come riding up on his white horse, when I'm sitting right
    to a perfectly good person; a person I enjoy being with; a person
    I truly do care about; a person who seems to truly care about me. A
    person who is in pain because of my self-centered, schoolgirl romantic

    And Roger is thinking: Warranty? They want a warranty? I'll give
    them a warranty. I'll take their warranty and stick it right up....

    Roger," Elaine says aloud.

    "What?" says Roger, startled.
    "Please don't torture yourself like this," she say, her eyes
    beginning to brim with tears. "Maybe I should never have...Oh God, I
    (She breaks down sobbing)
    "I'm such a fool," Elaine sobs. "I mean, I know there's no
    knight. I really know that. It's silly. There's no knight, and
    there's no

    "There's no horse?" says Roger.

    "You think I'm a fool, don't you?" Elaine says.

    "No" says Roger, glad to finally know the correct answer.

    "It's just that...It's that I...I need some time," Elaine says.

    (There is a 15-second pause while Roger, thinking as fast as he
    can, tries to come up with a safe response. Finally he comes up with
    one he thinks might work.)

    "Yes," he says.

    (Elaine, deeply moved, touches his hand.)
    "Oh Roger, do you really feel that way?" she asks.

    "What way?" says Roger.

    "That way about time," says Elaine.

    "Oh," says Roger. "Yes."

    (Elaine turns to face him and gazes deeply into his eyes, causing
    him to become very nervous about what she might say next, especially
    if it involves a horse. At last she speaks.)
    "Thank you, Roger," she says.

    "Thank you," says Roger.

    Then he takes her home, and she lies on her bed, a tortured soul
    in conflict, and weeps until dawn; whereas Roger gets back to his
    place, he opens a bag of Doritos, turns on the TV and immediately
    deeply involved in a rerun of a tennis match between two
    Czechoslovakians he has never heard of. A tiny voice in the far
    recesses of
    his mind tells him that something major was going on back
    there in the car, but he is pretty sure there is no way he would ever
    understand what, and so he figures it's better if he doesn't think
    about it.
    The next day Elaine will call her closest friend, or perhaps two
    of them, and they will talk about this situation for six straight
    In painstaking detail, they will analyze everything she said and
    he said, going over it time and time again, exploring every
    word, expression, and gesture for nuances of meaning, considering every
    possible ramification. They will continue to discuss this subject, off
    on, for weeks, maybe months, never getting bored with it, either.
    Meanwhile, Roger, while playing racquetball one day with a mutual
    friend of his and Elaine's, will pause just before serving, frown, and
    "Norm, did Elaine ever own a horse?"
  2. Resurrection_Joe

    Resurrection_Joe 1 ton status

    Jan 9, 2002
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    Gettysburg, SD
    Whoa..... I think like a woman apparently
  3. kyser_soze

    kyser_soze 1/2 ton status

    Sep 4, 2004
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    KC Missouri
    Thanks for reminding me that I have to change my oil.:)
  4. darkshadow

    darkshadow 1 ton status

    Dec 6, 2003
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    no problem i am doing mine tomorrow.

    and Rj Ill just add that to the pile of things i never wanted to know!
  5. LKJR

    LKJR 1/2 ton status

    Apr 18, 2000
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    Lubbock, Tx
    I just changed my oil, when was the last time I rode a horse?
  6. 82diesel

    82diesel 1/2 ton status

    Jul 2, 2003
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    Stockton, CA
    maybe her last boyfriend reminded her of a horse

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