I live in my own little world, but it's ok, everyone knows me here. I don't do drugs anymore 'cause I find I get the same effect just by standing up really fast. If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the "terminal"? There are two sides to every divorce: Yours and Shithead's I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. Everyday I beat my own previous record for number of consecutive days I've stayed alive. That Claudia Schiffer must be a genius... because I told a friend my plan to attain world peace, and he told me I have "Schiffer Brains." Isn't having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing section in a swimming pool? Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled. Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's wise words: "Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's been."