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Irish Drinking Guide

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by firefighter184, Mar 22, 2006.

  1. firefighter184

    firefighter184 1/2 ton status

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    Location:
    The Barrio
    IRISH BEER TROUBLESHOOTING GUIDE

    SYMPTOM
    CAUSE
    CORRECTIVE ACTION

    Feet cold and wet
    Glass Being held at incorrect angle.
    Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling

    Feet warm and wet
    Improper Bladder Control
    Stand next to nearest dog, complain about lack of house training

    Beer unusually pale and tasteless
    a. Glass empty.

    b. You're holding a Coors Lite
    Get someone to buy you another beer

    Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights
    You have fallen over backward.
    Have yourself leashed to bar

    Mouth contains cigarette butts, back of head covered with ashes
    You have fallen forward
    See above

    Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet
    a. Mouth not open

    b. Glass applied to wrong part of face
    Retire to restroom, practice in mirror

    Floor Blurred
    You are looking through bottom of empty glass
    Get someone to buy you another beer

    Floor moving
    You are being carried out
    Find out if you are being taken to another bar

    Room seems unusually dark
    Bar has closed
    Confirm home address with bartender. If staff is gone, grab a six-pack to go and hit the nearest fire escape door. Run

    Taxi suddenly takes on colorful aspect and textures
    Beer consumption has exceeded personal limitations
    Cover mouth, open window, stick head outside

    Everyone looks up to you and smiles
    You are dancing on the table
    Fall on someone cushy-looking

    Beer is crystal-clear
    It's water! Somebody is trying to sober you up
    Punch him

    People are standing around urinals, talking or putting on makeup
    You're in the ladies' room
    Do not use urinal! Excuse yourself, exit and try the next door down the hall. Try to get phone numbers (optional)

    Hands hurt, nose hurts, mind unusually clear
    You have been in a fight
    Apologize to everyone you see, just in case it was them

    Don't recognize anyone, don't recognize the room you're in
    You've wandered into the wrong party
    See if they have free beer

    Your bedroom is painted gray, has a concrete floor and an interesting steel door. Toilet may be conveniently located next to your bunk
    a. You're in jail

    b. You're in the navy
    Sleep it off, you can always get out tomorrow. Don't talk to your new roommate, and under no circumstances sleep on your stomach

    You are dancing to a Village People song, and your partner is wearing leather chaps
    You're in a gay bar
    Keeping your back to the wall, edge toward nearest exit. Do not accept offers for backrubs

    Your singing sounds distorted
    The beer is too weak
    Have more beer until your voice improves

    Don't remember the words to the song
    Beer is just right
    Play air guitar
     
  2. Cricket

    Cricket 3/4 ton status

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    Colorado
    If only Scott would have listened. :haha:
     
  3. SkulzNBonz

    SkulzNBonz 1/2 ton status

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    Why's it Irish? I'm offended:wink1: . I am also quite shocked. With the exception of "you're in the Navy", I can say this list is eerily accurate.:D

    John
     
  4. 87BrnRsd

    87BrnRsd 1/2 ton status

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    Location:
    Boone, North Carolina
    Thats the best one. Coors light sucks!
    -Harrison
     

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