Almost 150 years ago, President Lincoln found it necessary to hire a private investigator - Alan Pinkerton - for protection. And that was the beginning of the Secret Service. Since that time, federal police authority has grown to a large number of multi-letter agencies - FBI, CIA, INS, IRS, DEA, BATF, etc. Now we have the "Federal Air Transportation Airport Security Service." Can't you see them now, these highly trained men and women in their black outfits with their initials in large white letters across their backs: "FATASS." __________________________________ The other day Kris and I went in to Las Margarita's for dinner. Out of curiosity, I asked her if she thought there where any Jew's in Mexico? She thought there might be but wasn't really sure. So when the waiter came by I asked him the question, "Are there any Mexican Jews?" He said, "I don't know sir, let me ask in back," and he went into the kitchen. He returned in a few minutes and said, "No, sir. No Mexican Jews." "Are you sure?" I asked "I will check again, sir," the waiter replied, and went back to the kitchen. While he was still gone, I told Kris again, "I cannot believe there are no Jews in Mexico. That race of people are scattered everywhere." When the waiter returned he said, "Sir, no Mexican Jews." "Your sure?" I asked again." It's hard for me to believe there are no Mexican Jews." I told him. "Sir, I ask everyone," the waiter replied exasperated. "We have orange Jews, prune Jews, tomato Jews and grape Jews, but no one ever hear of Mexican Jews!" ________________________________ A man was brought to Mercy Hospital, and went in for coronary surgery. The operation went well, and as the groggy man regained consciousness, he was reassured by a Sister of Mercy waiting by his bed. "Mr. Smith, you're going to be just fine," the nun said while patting his hand. "We do have to know, however, how you intend to pay for your stay here. Are you covered by insurance?" "No, I'm not," the man whispered hoarsely. "Can you pay in cash?" "I'm afraid I can't, Sister." "Do you have any close relatives, then?" "Just my sister in New Mexico," replied, "but she's a spinster nun." "Nuns are not spinsters, Mr. Smith," the nun replied. "They are married to God." "Well," the man said with a smile, "then send the bill to my brother-in-law." __________________________________ There was a young woman who lived with her grandmother. One night the granddaughter came bouncing down the stairs dressed to go out to a party wearing a see through blouse without a bra. Her grandmother told her to go back up stairs and dress decently. The young woman said, "No, I want to show off my rosebuds." And off she went out the door. The next day the granddaughter came outside to find her grandmother on the porch wearing the see through blouse without a bra. "Grandmother! What are you doing? My boyfriend and a couple of other friends are coming over any time now." She cried, "Please go change your blouse! I'm so embarrassed!" The older woman replied, "Well if you can show off your rosebuds than I can show off my hanging baskets!"