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Kids say the darndest things

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by gjk5, Sep 22, 2006.

  1. gjk5

    gjk5 3/4 ton status

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    So I was at Wally World a while back with my 2 year old. Couldn't find something on my wife's list so I look for an employee to ask for help.

    Finally I find a guy and start walking over, as I start talking to the guy my daughter looks at me and says "Look Daddy, it's a monkey!!". My heart stopped, I looked for a small hole to crawl into or a rock to crawl under, my tongue froze and I was unable to speak.


    You guessed it........

    He was black.:eek1:



    As I'm trying to get my brain back in gear, and pull some sort of response out of my ass, I manage to mumble "Sssh, quiet honey adults are talking":rolleyes:

    As my heart kicks back into drive and my tongue thaws, I manage to say "Sorry sir, I'm just looking for the toilet paper". He smiles and says "Isle 4 about half way down on the right". At this point I'm wondering if I should try and explain this, did he just not hear it, or does he have kids too and know they say crazy innappropriate sh*t?

    I'm calming down now and thinking that this just went right under the radar when my kid stands up in the cart and curls her arms up with hands under the armpits and......................sure enough: "Ooh, ooh ooh, ooh". Doing her best gorilla impression, hopping up and down.:doah:


    At this point I decide that nothing I could say would make this a comfortable situation for either of us (or the little old blue hair hustling her ass the other way as fast as she could), so I shout "Thanks again sir!" over my shoulder whilst doing the doubletime shame shuffle in the other direction.

    I got the hell out of there ASAP, got home and told the wife and she about had a heart attack of her own.

    Let me qualify all this by saying that neither myself, my wife, or anyone we hang out with would ever say anything that would make my child associate a black person with a monkey, but knowing I did not influence her to make the comment does not in any way diminish the embarrassment I felt that day. I wish I had said something more to the guy, because if he did look at it as "ahh, kids say crazy sh*t" then fine but if he went home and told his wife some little racist cracker called him a monkey I feel bad.

    Anyway, what's done is done and while I hope he didn't take it wrong, I do have a story she will never hear the end of.
     
  2. BranndonC

    BranndonC 3/4 ton status

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    If that was really your story, thats hilarious! Sorry about the position you were in, but makes a great story! I am picturing her little gorilla impression now.
     
  3. TSGB

    TSGB 1 ton status

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    That is pretty funny...
     
  4. gjk5

    gjk5 3/4 ton status

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    Totally real, totally my story, totally mortifying.


    But I will torture her with this for years to come, trust me.
     
  5. MattK

    MattK 1/2 ton status

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    :haha:

    that IS a great story, but geez what a position to be put in! what did you say to the little one?
     
  6. gjk5

    gjk5 3/4 ton status

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    I told her it was not nice to call people monkeys, did not get into the race thing because I don't think that was why she did it.
     
  7. fabjunkie

    fabjunkie 1/2 ton status

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    :haha: :haha: :haha: :haha:
    "Ooh, ooh ooh, ooh"
    :haha: :haha: :haha: :haha:
     
  8. chevyfumes

    chevyfumes Court jester

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    Maybe the guy looked like a monkey???:haha: :doah:
     
  9. divorced

    divorced 3/4 ton status

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    You need to correct her.




















    Monkeys go "ooh ooh, aah aah", not "ooh ooh ooh ooh".


    [​IMG]
    .
     
  10. cegusman

    cegusman 3/4 ton status

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    LOL:haha:
     
  11. Desert Rat

    Desert Rat Fetch the comfy chair

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    I think I saw that guy at Wal-Mart the other day.........:doah:
     
  12. gjk5

    gjk5 3/4 ton status

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    OK, didn't want to go there but after my wife went back she called me on her cell and said "alright, that guy looks just like a silverback mountain gorilla". She was right, he was super stocky, super dark, and had a very full beard with salt and pepper hair.



    And in retrospect, how sad. I just asked her and Cate says a monkey does indeeed go "ooh ooh aah aah". Guess I'm the moron.
     
  13. chevyfumes

    chevyfumes Court jester

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    See nuthin to worry about....:D
     
  14. jekbrown

    jekbrown I am CK5 Premium Member GMOTM Winner Author

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    lol, pretty cool that the guy didn't crap his drawers over it.

    On the flip side, I see large numbers of people every day (mass transit is the bomb!) who if you called them a "monkey" you'd be insulting primates everywhere...

    j
     
  15. chevyfumes

    chevyfumes Court jester

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    Thank you.
     
  16. cbbr

    cbbr 1 ton status GMOTM Winner

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    Nice. Last night at an extend family dinner, a friend of someone had long hair and looked a bit effeminate. After being there for an hour my 6 year old heard him talking and announced loudly that "I didn't know you were a boy". I walked away laughing quietly.
     
  17. diesel4me

    diesel4me 1 ton status Premium Member

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    brutal honesty!..

    I've witnessed a few similar situations in my retail sales days...kids are funny,and brutally honest..

    One day a little boy was waiting impatiently for his mother at the checkout counter..he sees a magazine cover with a model on it,with her huge breasts hanging out of a low cut blouse..he points right at them,and he says...

    "Hey mom!--how come YOUR boobies aren't that BIG??...the rather flat chested mother turns beet red,and says "your not supposed to look at women's boobies! -its not nice!",and give him a gentle slap on the cheek..through his sobs,the boy says "well,you'd better SLAP daddy GOOD when WE get home!...he looks at them on TV all the time!.:haha:

    Another memorable one was when a lovely young mother we hired to deliver auto parts at the store I worked in,brought her young daughter ,about 4-5 years old into the store with her one day..we were standing in the doorway,and we heard a woodpecker tapping away at a tree nearby..

    The little girls face light up ,and she says "I know what THAT is!!--
    "It's a PECKER HEAD!..".....:haha:

    I nearly busted my ribs laughing,and her mother puts her hand over my mouth,and whispers "dont laugh!!--you'll enourage her to say it even more!"..I had to go inside,my boss was in stitches too,we were trying to hold the laughter back--it wasn't easy!..then the mother scolds the girl--she says--

    "Thats a BAD word!--it's a WOOD PECKER,not what YOU said!..WHERE did you learn THAT dirty word??"...

    Little girls says "DADDY says it ALL THE TIME!",thru her tears!..mother says "Well,just you wait until we get home and see DADDY!"...we about lost it,and even the mother finally had to let out a long laugh!..

    Then there was the fat lady at the cash register,with a mother and small boy right behind her..the cash register ran out of tape for the sales slips,and it started beeping to let the cashier know it needed another roll put in..

    The boy pulls the shopping cart back suddely,and pulls it right into the mothers ankles..then he shouts "Look out MA!..She's backing up!"...:p:
     

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