>1. The Post Office just recalled their latest stamps. They had >pictures of lawyers on them, and people couldn't figure out which side to spit on. > >2. How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer? >She has an uncontrollable craving for baloney. > >3. How does an attorney sleep? >First he lies on one side, and then he lies on the other. > >4. How many lawyer jokes are there? >Only three. The rest are true stories. > >5. How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb? >How many can you afford? > >6. How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb? >Three. One to climb the ladder, one to shake it, and one to sue the >ladder company. > >7. If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could >save only one of them, would you go to lunch or read the paper? > >8. What did the lawyer name his daughter? Sue. > >9. What do you call 25 skydiving lawyers? Skeet. > >10. What do you call a lawyer gone bad? Senator. > >11. What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50? Your honor. > >12. What do you throw to a drowning lawyer? His partners. > >13. What does a lawyer use for birth control? His personality. > >14. What happens when you cross a pig with a lawyer? >Nothing. There are some things a pig won't do. > >15. What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture? >The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles. > >16. Why does California have the most lawyers in the country >while New Jersey has the most toxic waste sites? >New Jersey got first choice.