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Liberals vs. Conservatives

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by Bubba Ray Boudreaux, May 8, 2004.

  1. Bubba Ray Boudreaux

    Bubba Ray Boudreaux 1 ton status

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    LIBERALS and CONSERVATIVES

    The division of the human family into its two distinct branches occurred
    some 10,000 years ago, a few hundred years after the Flood. Humans
    coexisted as members of small bands of nomadic hunter/gatherers.
    In the pivotal event of societal evolution, beer was invented. This
    became
    both the foundation of modern civilization and the occasion of the great
    division of humanity into its two distinct subgroups Liberals and
    Conservatives.

    Once beer was discovered, it required grain, and that was the beginning
    of
    agriculture. Neither the glass bottle or aluminum can had yet been
    invented,
    so it was necessary to stick pretty close to the brewery. That's how
    villages
    were formed.

    Some men spent their days killing animals to barbecue at night while
    drinking beer. This was the beginning of the conservative movement.
    Other men who were weaker & unskilled at hunting, learned how to live
    off conservatives by showing up for the BBQs every night and doing
    women's work like sewing, fetching and hair dressing. This was the
    beginning of the liberal movement. Later, some of the liberals actually
    became women.

    Liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, invention of
    group therapy and democratic voting to see how to divide the beer
    and meat that the conservatives provided. Most social workers,
    personal injury attorneys, journalists, and group Therapists are
    Liberals.
    Liberals invented the designated hitter rule in baseball because it
    wasn't
    "fair" to make the pitcher also bat.

    Conservatives eat red meat, and still provide for their women.
    Conservatives are big game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumber jacks,
    construction workers, medical doctors, police officers, corporate
    executives, soldiers, athletes, and generally anyone who works
    productively outside government. Conservatives who own companies
    hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.

    Liberals do not produce anything. They like to "govern" the producers
    and decide what is to be done with the production. Liberals believe
    Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That's why most
    of the liberals just stayed in Europe when conservatives were coming to
    America.

    Conservatives have principles and the rule of law. They practice charity
    and
    give to the poor. When in doubt on an issue, they check the Constitution,
    which they use as a constant reference in a changing world. They believe
    in the concept of truth.

    Liberals do not have principles, except for their dedication to stealing
    production of conservatives and undermining principled references such
    as the Bible and Constitution. They are never in doubt on an issue
    because
    they always do whatever is best for them without regard to others.
    They have no standard of reference. Liberals do not give to charity.
    They cultivate the poor like a cat cultivates a field of mice. They use
    the poor as voters and give them a portion of stolen tax money which
    they vote away from conservatives.

    Conservatives believe in self defense, both at home and abroad. They own
    guns and use them to discourage liberals and other common criminals.
    Liberals do not believe in conservative self defense. Liberals
    believe in
    BIG government. They think the United Nations is the ultimate answer.

    Liberals only believe in whatever laws are appealing to them, such as
    the privilege of making a living by taxing conservatives. When sitting on
    juries, liberals convict producers and acquit liberals and other common
    criminals. They consider it against the law to reference any source of
    law such as the Bible or Constitution.

    The American cowboy, of course, is your basic, full bore Conservative. A
    hundred years ago, an Englishman visiting Texas was attempting to find
    the
    owner of a huge cattle ranch. He rode up to one of the ranch hands, and
    inquired, "Pardon me, but could you perhaps tell me where I might locate
    your master?" To which the cowboy replied, "That sum bitch ain't been
    born yet".




    ...
     
  2. Corey 78K5

    Corey 78K5 1 ton status

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    /forums/images/graemlins/confused.gif /forums/images/graemlins/confused.gif /forums/images/graemlins/confused.gif
    So are You trying to say that John Kerry will get Your vote this coming November?
    /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif
     
  3. Bubba Ray Boudreaux

    Bubba Ray Boudreaux 1 ton status

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    Only if his prize for winning is a butt kicking of biblical proportions. /forums/images/graemlins/peace.gif
     
  4. crawlink5

    crawlink5 1/2 ton status

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    Some of that sounds like 'Atlas Shrugged' /forums/images/graemlins/thumb.gif

    Bubba for Prez /forums/images/graemlins/hack.gif /forums/images/graemlins/grind.gif /forums/images/graemlins/weld.gif Fix it /forums/images/graemlins/usaflag.gif Bubba
     
  5. ugly_blazer

    ugly_blazer 1/2 ton status

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  6. Stickseler

    Stickseler 3/4 ton status

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    [ QUOTE ]
    "Bush is a douche bag" - Howard Stern

    [/ QUOTE ]

    "Howard Stern is a whiney Cock Bonker" - Rich /forums/images/graemlins/deal.gif
     
  7. BlazerGuy

    BlazerGuy 3/4 ton status

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    True dat! /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif
     
  8. bigyellowjimmy

    bigyellowjimmy 1/2 ton status

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    /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/waytogo.gif

    /forums/images/graemlins/usaflag.gif /forums/images/graemlins/usaflag.gif /forums/images/graemlins/usaflag.gif /forums/images/graemlins/usaflag.gif
     
  9. tomseviltwin

    tomseviltwin 1/2 ton status

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    [ QUOTE ]
    Some of that sounds like 'Atlas Shrugged' /forums/images/graemlins/thumb.gif

    Bubba for Prez /forums/images/graemlins/hack.gif /forums/images/graemlins/grind.gif /forums/images/graemlins/weld.gif Fix it /forums/images/graemlins/usaflag.gif Bubba

    [/ QUOTE ]

    Who is John Galt?
     
  10. bigburban383

    bigburban383 1/2 ton status

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    [ QUOTE ]
    This was the
    beginning of the liberal movement. Later, some of the liberals actually
    became women.


    [/ QUOTE ]

    /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif
     
  11. Bubba Ray Boudreaux

    Bubba Ray Boudreaux 1 ton status

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    /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif
     

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