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Lightning may strike...

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by unclematty, Mar 10, 2006.

  1. unclematty

    unclematty 1/2 ton status

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    you for reading this:



    A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.



    After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.



    The monsignor replied, When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip.



    So next Sunday he took the monsignors advice.

    At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink.



    He proceeded to talk up a storm.



    Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on the door:

    1) Sip the vodka, don't gulp.

    2) There are 10 commandments, not 12.

    3) There are 12 disciples, not 10.

    4) Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.

    5) Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.

    6) We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.

    7) The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the spook.

    8) David slew Goliath; he did not kick the **** out of him.

    9) When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.

    10)We do not refer to the cross as the Big T.

    11)When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, Take this and eat it for it is my body. He did not say Eat me.

    12)The Virgin Mary is not called Mary with the Cherry.

    13)The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, Yeah God.

    14)Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffys'


    :haha: :haha: :haha: Holy sh!t I'm laughing so hard I'm crying!:haha: :haha:


     
  2. hi pinion

    hi pinion 3/4 ton status

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  3. big94gmc

    big94gmc 1/2 ton status

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    Maybe it's 'cause I'm drunk....but this is HILARIOUS!!!!
     
  4. surpip

    surpip 1 ton status

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    funny
     
  5. cbbr

    cbbr 1 ton status GMOTM Winner

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    It's nice to laugh my butt off first thing in the morning. :haha: :haha: :haha:
     
  6. TSGB

    TSGB 1 ton status

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    Wow, Hipi is still on my ignore list! :haha:
     
  7. BoondocK5

    BoondocK5 1 ton status Author

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    quit dredging up my old sh!t!
     
  8. TSGB

    TSGB 1 ton status

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    It's not yours, it's Uncle Matty's! :haha:
     

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