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Man rules -- possible repost?

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by shewheeler, Oct 25, 2006.

  1. shewheeler

    shewheeler 1/2 ton status

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    Man rules:

    1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella, or ownership of a canvas tent.

    2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:
    (a) when a heroic dog dies to save its master.
    (b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
    (c) After wrecking your boss's car.
    (d) One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".
    (e) When she is using her teeth.

    3: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies.

    4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.

    5: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.

    6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

    7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy's choice.

    8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.

    9: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.

    10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.

    11: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless model and only when it's free.

    12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.

    13: Unless you're in prison, never ever fight naked.

    14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

    15: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.

    16: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.

    17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.

    18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.

    19: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.

    20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response.

    21: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting weights:
    (a) Yeah, Baby, Push it!
    (b ) C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
    (c) Another set and we can hit the showers!

    22: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing:
    i.e.,both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.

    23: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.

    24: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was occurs.

    25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.

    26: Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue.

    27: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox.
    End of story.

    28: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever.

    We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition of each is listed below.

    "GUTS" is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to say, "Are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?"

    "BALLS" is coming home late after a night out with the guys smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the ass and having the balls to say, "You're next!"

    I hope this clears up any confusion.
     
  2. bigbadchev84

    bigbadchev84 1/2 ton status

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    "BALLS" is coming home late after a night out with the guys smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the ass and
    having the balls to say, "You're next!"
    :haha: :haha: :haha: i think i just got a new sig line
     
  3. TSGB

    TSGB 1 ton status

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    :haha::haha::haha:
     
  4. BurbLover

    BurbLover 1/2 ton status

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    Very nice input Cheryl. But that avatar has got to go :doah:
     
  5. surpip

    surpip 1 ton status

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    X2
    you should follow the lead of THIS guy. He has the bestest avatar
     
  6. shewheeler

    shewheeler 1/2 ton status

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    Please defer to my title:p:
     
  7. BurbLover

    BurbLover 1/2 ton status

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    What does a money hole have to do with anything? :dunno:
     
  8. Desert Rat

    Desert Rat Fetch the comfy chair

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    Number 24, truer words have never been written...........:haha:
     
  9. 76zimmer

    76zimmer Flyin Rat Premium Member GMOTM Winner

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  10. Z3PR

    Z3PR Banned

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    Call me wierd, but sometimes I like it "" (e) When she is using her teeth. ""
     
  11. Desert Rat

    Desert Rat Fetch the comfy chair

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    You are wierd.....
     
  12. beater_k20

    beater_k20 Banned

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    sometimes you have to take what you can get, we understand.
     
  13. Desert Rat

    Desert Rat Fetch the comfy chair

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    Just stay away from those with braces..........
     
  14. chevyfumes

    chevyfumes Court jester

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    Watch for the muzzleflash!
    Even if they are in a glass on the nightstand...
     
  15. Z3PR

    Z3PR Banned

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    I don't know about y'all, but I have my standards. Ain't no take what you can get this way. I'd reather do with out before lowering my standards.
     
  16. chevyfumes

    chevyfumes Court jester

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    "Standards", Mid Western for "walker", lowering standards= broken hip...Gotcha...;)
     
  17. Z3PR

    Z3PR Banned

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    I don't know why I reply to the drunk, but thanks once again to a PM from one of many who feel the same as I about the drunk. ..............
    I find your incisive need too try too belittle me ironic. But with a basic understanding of psychology, the reason becomes quite clear. Typically, people with a low self image will try too make others look bad in order too make themselves look better in their own eyes. It’s the only way they have too feel better about themselves. I urge you too seek professional help.
     
  18. beater_k20

    beater_k20 Banned

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    wow, i applaud you on your abstinence. it'd be really hard for me to turn down anything if i had to wait as long as you do.
     
  19. chevyfumes

    chevyfumes Court jester

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    You're right, I will seek help right after I read this wicked smart book I just picked up from the prefomance shop....
    [​IMG]
     
  20. Z3PR

    Z3PR Banned

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    Ah ha ha ha. Dude, it hasn't been that long for me. Just last week. I get it a lot more often then most single guys my age. Even though I'm over weight, I still got it going on. It's all in being confident in yourself. I haven't dated in a long time, but dating and getting busy with a woman are two different things in my opinion. Honestly, sex isn’t enough. I miss being with the same woman. Being able too share my life, my thought, …ect. I have no problem finding attractive women too sleep with, it’s the long term thing my game is weak at. But nice try at the slam.
     

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