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Married? How many times do you see your friends in a week?

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by KRAZIE87K5, Mar 18, 2004.

  1. KRAZIE87K5

    KRAZIE87K5 1/2 ton status

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    Hey all... just curious. I've been married for nearly 9 years, and have four kids. I got a really early start on life and now I work full-time (~50-60hrs/week) to support my family while my wife stays home to raise the kids.

    Recently, it seems that my wife disagrees with me seeing my friends once per week. Specifically, she does not like me going over to one of my best-friend's house after work until 11-12 at night.

    In her defense, she raises four pretty well behaved children; but really doesn't have any friends that she gets to hang out with on a regular basis. This of course only adds to her frustration when I go hang out with my buddy that I've known for about the same 8-9 years that I've been married. I frequently encourage my wife to go out as much as she can, and I ALWAYS make my time available to her in the case that she has something to do.

    I'd especially like to get any women out there to comment on this thread... I really don't know if I'm being rediculous when I ask to see GOOD friends on a weekly basis, or if its something else. At this point, I really don't know anymore.

    Please help me out and vote below. Sorry for being such a sap out here... /forums/images/graemlins/dunno.gif

    -Dan
     
  2. 88Silverado

    88Silverado 1/2 ton status

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    Friends /forums/images/graemlins/confused.gif /forums/images/graemlins/confused.gif
    Im not allowed to have friends. My wife says they just mess up everything she has trained me to do /forums/images/graemlins/dunno.gif
     
  3. KRAZIE87K5

    KRAZIE87K5 1/2 ton status

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    Yea... and now tell me if that sits okay with you. /forums/images/graemlins/whistling.gif
     
  4. 84_Chevy_K10

    84_Chevy_K10 Banned

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    What happened to the days when you could slap her and tell her to shut up? /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/thumb.gif
     
  5. KRAZIE87K5

    KRAZIE87K5 1/2 ton status

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    You voted chained to the house? You aren't even married Tim... /forums/images/graemlins/doah.gif
     
  6. bigyellowjimmy

    bigyellowjimmy 1/2 ton status

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    If you stayed at home all day, every day would you like your spouse to go over to a friends house after work till midnight once a week? This seems like a no brainer to me. /forums/images/graemlins/dunno.gif
     
  7. shewheeler

    shewheeler 1/2 ton status

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    Damn, I need to get me a husband so I can have somebody to boss around [​IMG]

    I seriously don't get that line of thinking, but I'm not married. I've heard that eating wedding cake does strange things to a woman's mind /forums/images/graemlins/ignore.gif

    My feeling is that as long as you are not neglecting your family, then there's no harm in seeing your friends whenever you want to (within reason). I very firmly believe that everyone (even married folk) needs their own time to do their own thing (once again, as long as you are taking care of your obligations at home and you aren't disrespecting your wife while you are out and about with friends). I would seriously go bonkers if I had to spend that much time with one person and I would seriously resent anyone who told me I couldn't see my friends, or made me feel like I was somehow doing something wrong.

    Spending 24/7 with the same person seems like such a drag to me. I think that when each person has interests/hobbies outside of the marriage/kids/home life, it adds dimension to the relationship /forums/images/graemlins/dunno.gif

    Of course, my thought process could be exactly the reason I'm not married /forums/images/graemlins/ears.gif
     
  8. KRAZIE87K5

    KRAZIE87K5 1/2 ton status

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    So let me get this straight... If I stayed at home all day every day despite being told frequently to go out every chance I get (but either decided not to or just didn't) - I should hold that against my spouse when they want to see their friends?

    I really don't see it that way... or I wouldn't be out here. I by no means negelect my family, nor do I not spend time with my wife and kids. The whole problem is that I have two friends, and I see them on a regular basis, and she does not.

    Maybe I'm the one who is wrong... but I just don't see it, honestly. /forums/images/graemlins/dunno.gif

    -Dan
     
  9. KRAZIE87K5

    KRAZIE87K5 1/2 ton status

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    [ QUOTE ]
    My feeling is that as long as you are not neglecting your family, then there's no harm in seeing your friends whenever you want to (within reason). I very firmly believe that everyone (even married folk) needs their own time to do their own thing (once again, as long as you are taking care of your obligations at home and you aren't disrespecting your wife while you are out and about with friends). I would seriously go bonkers if I had to spend that much time with one person and I would seriously resent anyone who told me I couldn't see my friends, or made me feel like I was somehow doing something wrong.


    [/ QUOTE ]

    Two interesting points you mention there:

    1. NOT neglecting my family, and
    2. personal time

    To answer the first question, I totally have a good relationship with my wife. For example, we went out last Friday without the kids to a really nice dinner ($120+ for two people), walked around a few stores and watched a movie. All this was done on my initiative. I got the sitter, I got reservations, and took care of everything.

    As for #2, I COMPLETELY agree. It is not at all that I want time away from the family. Its that I have two really good friends that I like to keep in touch with. If my one buddy ever gets his act together and gets a girl to marry him, I wouldn't doubt that I'd be in his wedding.

    I love my wife and my kids, I wouldn't want to change them at all. I just ask that I get to see my friends somewhat regularly... and I really don't see the problem in doing so.

    Just my .02. /forums/images/graemlins/confused.gif

    -Dan
     
  10. 84_Chevy_K10

    84_Chevy_K10 Banned

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    [ QUOTE ]
    You voted chained to the house? You aren't even married Tim... /forums/images/graemlins/doah.gif

    [/ QUOTE ]

    I didn't vote at all, Dan.
     
  11. KRAZIE87K5

    KRAZIE87K5 1/2 ton status

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    10-4 fella.

    -Dan
     
  12. bigyellowjimmy

    bigyellowjimmy 1/2 ton status

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    [ QUOTE ]
    So let me get this straight... If I stayed at home all day every day despite being told frequently to go out every chance I get (but either decided not to or just didn't) - I should hold that against my spouse when they want to see their friends?

    I really don't see it that way... or I wouldn't be out here. I by no means negelect my family, nor do I not spend time with my wife and kids. The whole problem is that I have two friends, and I see them on a regular basis, and she does not.

    Maybe I'm the one who is wrong... but I just don't see it, honestly.

    -Dan


    [/ QUOTE ]

    Im not saying she's right and you're wrong nor am I saying that you are right and she's wrong. What Im getting at is trying to have you look at it from her perspective. Your answer to the problem is to "get her on board" so she thinks just like you. You evidently think that if she just acted like you and went out one night a week and stayed out till midnight that things would be solved. What if she doesnt want to "leave her family" and instead wants to be home and wants you to be there with her? Im trying to say that you are both possibly looking at this problem through different glasses. If you "have" to stay home you'll be resentful. If she "has" to stay at home one more night alone she'll be resentful. How about compromise? I respect you very much for even bringing this up instead of not caring at all what she thinks /forums/images/graemlins/thumb.gif
     
  13. Stomper

    Stomper ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒΕ GMOTM Winner

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    My best friend got married 3 or 4 years ago. We used to hang out all the time before he got married even when they were engaged. And after the wedding, it went to seeing him every two weeks or so(I would have to got there).
    Then they had a kid, now I'll see him in the fall a few times when he goes hunting with me(maybe) if he can get permission. We talk on the phone maybe once a month now. She always has something for him to do if we plan to get together to shoot some trap or whatever. It sucks, but that is his choice.

    Maybe I need a shower
    /forums/images/graemlins/dunno.gif
     
  14. shewheeler

    shewheeler 1/2 ton status

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    Maybe she feels like she gave up that part of her life when she got married and started raising kids? Not easy to keep up with friendships when you are chasing around 4 little ones and trying to keep a household running smoothly. Time passes and people don't keep in touch... everyone is so busy busy all the time. Maybe she resents the fact that you have been able to keep your friendships in tact and she hasn't because of her obligations at home? Does she keep in touch with any friends? If her friends are still single and kidless maybe she feels like she won't have much in common with them anymore...? /forums/images/graemlins/dunno.gif

    I'm not sure how old your kids are but as they get older, she will have less to keep herself occupied with at home so it will only get worse... just my thoughts /forums/images/graemlins/1zhelp.gif

    *Edit* It could also be simply that she is content to be at home with hubby and kids and doesn't feel like she needs any outside interaction? So, therefore, she doesn't understand why you do /forums/images/graemlins/thinking.gif
     
  15. JROSS

    JROSS 1/2 ton status

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    I have been married 7 years and with my wife for 9. When we got together pretty much my friend became her friends and her friends became my friends. My wife stayed at home with our kids for awhile, and after spending all day with kids she really looked foward to having another adult around. Anyway, do you always go hang out at your friends place, why not hang out at your place so your around and she could be involved.
     
  16. thatK30guy

    thatK30guy 1 ton status Premium Member

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    [ QUOTE ]
    Maybe she feels like she gave up that part of her life when she got married and started raising kids? Not easy to keep up with friendships when you are chasing around 4 little ones and trying to keep a household running smoothly. Time passes and people don't keep in touch... everyone is so busy busy all the time. Maybe she resents the fact that you have been able to keep your friendships in tact and she hasn't because of her obligations at home? Does she keep in touch with any friends? If her friends are still single and kidless maybe she feels like she won't have much in common with them anymore...? /forums/images/graemlins/dunno.gif

    I'm not sure how old your kids are but as they get older, she will have less to keep herself occupied with at home so it will only get worse... just my thoughts /forums/images/graemlins/1zhelp.gif

    *Edit* It could also be simply that she is content to be at home with hubby and kids and doesn't feel like she needs any outside interaction? So, therefore, she doesn't understand why you do /forums/images/graemlins/thinking.gif

    [/ QUOTE ]

    ZING, ZING, ZING!!! We have a winner!!!
    Thats exactly how life is for us. Being married almost 8 years in April and now raising 2 kids leaves us no time to hang with friends like we used to. Its the same way with our friends, too, as they have grown to start families, too.

    But I will say that Dan is damn lucky to have 2 guy friends, let alone 1. I don't have any of my classmates in contact anymore and my best man in my wedding and his family and us are starting to get back together each weekend so our kids can grow and play together. It also gives my wife, me, and them the time to "catch up" on the times we missed the last few years. We have talked, BBQ, drank, etc. a few times, probably once or twice a month, but nothing like we used to before kids, which was almost every day. Now we talked recently that spring is coming and we want to do the "couples" thing where we have our family and theirs to be together at least once a week. Last weekend we did it with another couple and their child. Tomorrow (Fri.) night we are going to my best mans house for the "tradition" as we call it. Next Fri. is here at our house along with a BBQ.

    So, its like I said that Dan is very lucky to have 2 friends. The only friends I have are the dumbasses I have to work with each day and the 2 guys and their families we are starting a tradition with now.

    Its part of life. Growing up, raising a family, losing friends, gaining friends, etc. etc. I'm closer to my folks and the wifes folks than to anybody else, other than my wife and children. Funny how life has a way of twisting things around for you! /forums/images/graemlins/thinking.gif /forums/images/graemlins/whistling.gif
     
  17. MaxCrack

    MaxCrack 1/2 ton status

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    I've been married for five years. No kids. One on the way. I go to my friends house every Wednesday night. The earliest I get home is 1AM. We just hang out and watch the game and play video games. THere are 5 of us that regularly get together on Wednesdays. I have been friends with these guys for 15 years, and my wife likes all of them and their women. We also do stuff with the girls on the weekends.

    Of course, if my wife needs me for anything I dont mind missing a guys night to hang out with her. She also does stuff regularly with her sister. She doesn't really have any friends that she hangs out with a lot that I did not introduce her to. I always encourage her to do stuff so I dont feel bad about Wednesdays.
     
  18. kennyw

    kennyw N9PHW Premium Member

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    When I was married my wife never liked my friends much less me now that I think about it /forums/images/graemlins/thinking.gif /forums/images/graemlins/whistling.gif Then again maybe this wont help you much /forums/images/graemlins/ignore.gif
     
  19. KRAZIE87K5

    KRAZIE87K5 1/2 ton status

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    [ QUOTE ]
    I've been married for five years. No kids. One on the way. I go to my friends house every Wednesday night. The earliest I get home is 1AM. We just hang out and watch the game and play video games. THere are 5 of us that regularly get together on Wednesdays. I have been friends with these guys for 15 years, and my wife likes all of them and their women. We also do stuff with the girls on the weekends.

    Of course, if my wife needs me for anything I dont mind missing a guys night to hang out with her. She also does stuff regularly with her sister. She doesn't really have any friends that she hangs out with a lot that I did not introduce her to. I always encourage her to do stuff so I dont feel bad about Wednesdays.

    [/ QUOTE ]

    Same deal for me. I generally go out on Wednesday nights and either wrench, watch movies or hit up some video games. I don't go to bars and come home lit like a christmas tree, I really don't do a lot of less desirable things that lots of people do. I work HARD at my job, and getting to my buddies house for a little stress releif time is always a good thing for me.

    I don't blame my wife for wanting me home, but I really don't want to just discard good friends because she doesn't like that I can go see/hang with friends weekly.

    I just don't know what to do. She even likes my friends, AFAIK. /forums/images/graemlins/confused.gif

    -Dan
     
  20. 84_Chevy_K10

    84_Chevy_K10 Banned

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    I don't think Dan realizes how lucky he is to have what he does have.

    He's very sucessful for a man of his age...he's not exactly rich but he has four kids, his wife doesn't work, he has his own house, and he has an awesome trail machine.

    Keep in mind that because Dan has been spoiled that it's hard for him to realize that getting to see his friends twice a week makes him pretty lucky compared to some of us here.

    I'm not going to say if he or his wife are more correct though as I don't think we all know the circumstances. Me personally, if I had four kids and I worked like that--I don't think I'd get to have a trail machine at all, much less build a blazer that has been pictured in a magazine.

    Not trying to bust your balls, Dan, but you're a pretty lucky guy. If I'm in your shoes 7-8 years down the road when I'm your age, I will be really happy. Not to say that I won't complain though, I'm usually only happy when I'm complaining.
     

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