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Martha Stewart's Rules for Rednecks

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by ramjet gmc, Feb 10, 2004.

  1. ramjet gmc

    ramjet gmc CK5 Staff Staff Member Moderator GMOTM Winner

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    Martha Stewart\'s Rules for Rednecks

    Martha Stewart's Rules for Rednecks



    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    General
    1. Never take a beer to a job interview.
    2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.
    3. It's considered tacky to take a cooler to church.
    4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.
    5. Even if you're certain that you are included in the will, it is still considered tacky to drive a U-Haul to the funeral home.

    DINING OUT
    1. When decanting wine, make sure that you tilt the paper cup, and pour slowly so as not to "bruise" the fruit of the vine.
    2. If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your fingers covering the label.

    ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME
    1. A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist.
    2. Do not allow the dog to eat at the table...no matter how good his manners are.

    PERSONAL HYGIENE
    1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be done in private using one's OWN truck keys.
    2. Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for several days. However, if you live alone, deodorant is a waste of good money.
    3. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they tend to detract from a woman's jewelry and alter the taste of finger foods.

    DATING (Outside the Family)
    1. Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date.
    2. Be aggressive. Let her know you're interested: "I've been wanting to go out with you since I read that stuff on the bathroom wall two years ago."
    3. Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Some will say 10:00 PM; Others might say "Monday." If the latter is the answer, it is the man's responsibility to get her to school on time.

    THEATER ETIQUETTE
    1. Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up immediately after the movie has ended.
    2. Refrain from talking to characters on the screen. Tests have proven they can't hear you.

    WEDDINGS
    1. Livestock, usually, is a poor choice for a wedding gift.
    2. Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you shot.
    3. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with a cummerbund and a clean bowling shirt can create a tacky appearance.
    4. Though uncomfortable, say "yes" to socks and shoes for this special occasion.

    DRIVING ETIQUETTE
    1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles; Even if the gun is loaded, and the deer is in sight.
    2. When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires always has the right of way.
    3. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.
    4. When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back beer.
    5. Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession.


    this is the first time i read this /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif
     
  2. mudjunkie 82

    mudjunkie 82 1 ton status GMOTM Winner

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    Re: Martha Stewart\'s Rules for Rednecks

    /forums/images/graemlins/thumb.gif /forums/images/graemlins/thumb.gif /forums/images/graemlins/thumb.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif
     
  3. sled_dog

    sled_dog 1 ton status

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    Re: Martha Stewart\'s Rules for Rednecks

    [ QUOTE ]

    DRIVING ETIQUETTE
    2. When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires always has the right of way.
    5. Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession.


    [/ QUOTE ]
    Ok #2 rocks, and #5, well someone better do that in my prosession.
     
  4. civicstomper

    civicstomper 1/2 ton status

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    Re: Martha Stewart\'s Rules for Rednecks

    /forums/images/graemlins/thumb.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif
     
  5. Goober

    Goober 1/2 ton status

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    Re: Martha Stewart\'s Rules for Rednecks

    [ QUOTE ]
    4. When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back beer.

    [/ QUOTE ]


    Does it count if I tell her to pick out what she likes??



    /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif
     
  6. Muddytazz

    Muddytazz 1 ton status

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    Re: Martha Stewart\'s Rules for Rednecks

    /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/thumb.gif /forums/images/graemlins/thumb.gif /forums/images/graemlins/thumb.gif
     
  7. sandracer799

    sandracer799 1/2 ton status

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    Re: Martha Stewart\'s Rules for Rednecks

    /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/yikes.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/woot.gif
     
  8. mudhog

    mudhog THEGAME Staff Member Super Moderator

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    Re: Martha Stewart\'s Rules for Rednecks

    /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif
     

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