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MARTHA STEWART'S TIPS FOR REDNECKS

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by mudhog, Jun 7, 2002.

  1. mudhog

    mudhog THEGAME Staff Member Super Moderator

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    MARTHA STEWART\'S TIPS FOR REDNECKS

    MARTHA STEWART'S TIPS FOR REDNECKS

    MISCELLANEOUS
    1. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.

    2. It's considered tacky to take a cooler to church.

    3. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.

    4. Even if you're certain that you are included in the will, it is still considered rude to drive the U-Haul to the funeral home.

    ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME:
    1. A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist.

    2. Do not allow the dog to eat at the table, no matter how good his manners are.

    PERSONAL HYGIENE:
    1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be done in private, using one's OWN truck keys.

    2. Even if you live alone, deodorant is not a waste of good money.

    3. Use of proper toiletries can only delay bathing for a few days.

    4. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they tend to detract from a woman's jewelry and alter the taste of finger foods.

    DATING (Outside the Family):
    1. Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date.

    2. Be assertive. Let her know you're interested: "I've been wanting to go out with you since I read that stuff on the bathroom wall two years ago."

    3. Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Some will say 10:00 PM, others might say, "Monday." If the latter is the answer, it is the man's responsibility to get her to school on time.

    THEATER ETIQUETTE:
    1. Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up immediately after the movie has ended.

    2. Refrain from talking to characters on the screen. Tests have proven they can't hear you.

    WEDDINGS:
    1. Livestock, usually, is a poor choice for a wedding gift.

    2. Kissing the bride for more than 15 seconds may get you shot.

    3. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with a cummerbund and a clean bowling shirt can create a tacky appearance.

    4. Though uncomfortable, say "yes" to socks and shoes for this special occasion.

    DRIVING ETIQUETTE:
    1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if the gun is loaded and the deer is in sight.

    2. When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires does not always have the right of way.

    3. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.

    4. When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back beer too.

    5. Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession.
     
  2. Djroffroad

    Djroffroad 1/2 ton status

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    Re: MARTHA STEWART\'S TIPS FOR REDNECKS

    Untill now, I never considered myself a Redneck /forums/images/icons/wink.gif
     
  3. riz

    riz 3/4 ton status

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    Re: MARTHA STEWART\'S TIPS FOR REDNECKS

    <font color=blue> All I have to say about that is ........ Well, gosh darn diggety dang ! Gafaw gafaw !
     
  4. Bubba Ray Boudreaux

    Bubba Ray Boudreaux 1 ton status

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    Re: MARTHA STEWART\'S TIPS FOR REDNECKS

    Martha Stewart needs to lay off the bong!!!!
     
  5. UseYourBlinker

    UseYourBlinker 1 ton status

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    Re: MARTHA STEWART\'S TIPS FOR REDNECKS

    </font><blockquote><font class="small">In reply to:</font><hr />
    If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.

    [/ QUOTE ] Nasty.. /forums/images/icons/shocked.gif /forums/images/icons/smirk.gif
     
  6. RobbieOH

    RobbieOH Registered Member

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    Re: MARTHA STEWART\'S TIPS FOR REDNECKS

    I always thought that the vehicle with biggest tires DID have the right of way. No wonder so many people gave me the "California Hello".
     
  7. AGM73k5

    AGM73k5 1/2 ton status

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    Re: MARTHA STEWART\'S TIPS FOR REDNECKS

    "4. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they tend to detract from a woman's jewelry and alter the taste of finger foods."

    LOL - Good stuff Shannon - Thanks for posting /forums/images/icons/smile.gif


    I think Martha Stewart is getting investigated for insider trading.
     

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