A blonde calls 911 on her cell phone to report that her car has been > > >broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the > >dispatcher: "They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake > >pedal and even the accelerator!" she cries. > >The dispatcher says, "Stay calm. An officer is on the way." A few > >minutes later, the officer radios in. "Disregard." he says. "She got in > >the back seat by mistake." ______________________________________________ > This old lady had been married to a farmer all her > adult life. They had > cows and horses on their farm and also grew a > number of crops for sale at > the local farmer's market. While shopping at the > local grocery store for > a few items that she and her husband did not raise > or grow for themselves, > she came across a contest form. It was from the > Carnation Milk Company, and > the object was to complete a jingle in 50 words or > less. The company > furnished the first line of the jingle: "I like > Carnation best of all. . ." > and it was about those little cans of milk found > on grocery store shelves. . > objects of both humor and scorn for the farm > couple. > > So she completed the jingle and sent it off to the > Carnation Milk Company. > > A couple of months later, the woman was surprised > when a Carnation Milk > representative came to her door and told her that > her entry was the best > one submitted; however it was unfortunate that the > company could not publish > it. > So in lieu of publishing, they had decided that > her entry was worth at > least a consolation award and presented her with a > company check in the amount of $1000 for her > creativity. Here is her entry: > > "I like Carnation best of all, > No tits to pull, no [censored] to haul. > No barns to clean, no hay to pitch > Just punch a hole in the sonofabitch."