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More jokes

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by Z3PR, May 17, 2002.

  1. Z3PR

    Z3PR Banned

    Mar 30, 2002
    Likes Received:
    A Riddle:
    Schwartzenegger has a big one
    Michael J. Fox has a small one
    Madonna doesn't have one
    The Pope has one but doesn't use his
    Clinton uses his all the time
    Mickey Mouse has an unusual one
    George Burns' was hot
    Liberace never used his on women
    Jerry Seinfeld is very, very proud of his
    We never saw Lucy use Desi's
    What is it? Answer below! (this is really good)

    The answer is: "A Last Name."



    Once upon a time there was this little Italian boy in the fields
    with his father. Looking at his dad's hands, the boy says,
    "Papa, you do many things with your hands, tell me about your

    "Wella Tony," Papa said, "You seea this first finger? You use a
    dis a one to point a to whata evea you wanna to. You see youa
    thumb? You usea disa for turna pages in a book, and your ringa
    finger, you will use whena you get a married, and your little
    finga, you use to picka you nose. And the middle finga, well,
    I'lla tella you about thata one when youa getta married."

    Little Tony was satisfied with that and time past. It was now
    Tony's wedding day. It was a beautiful wedding and just before
    he was leaving with his bride, Tony went to have a talk with

    Tony said, "Papa, many years ago you told me to use this finger
    to point at what I want, to turn pages with my thumb, to pick my
    nose with this little one, and to put my wedding ring on this
    one, but, Papa, what is it I do with this middle finger?"

    Papa drew close to Tony and said, "Tony, tonighta you will makea
    mad hotta love to youa woman many times, and youa may getta
    tired. When thatta happens, and youa woman turns to you an wanna
    makea da love againa, that's when you takea your middle finga....

    and you poka on her head and say, 'Go back to sleep youa
    silly woman!'"

    > SURVIVOR - Texas Style
    > >
    > > Due to the popularity of the Survivor shows, Texas is planning to
    > do
    > > its
    > > own, entitled Survivor, Texas Style. The contestants will start in
    > > Dallas,
    > > travel to Waco, Austin, San Antonio, over to Houston, and down to
    > > Brownsville. They will then proceed up to Del Rio, on to El Paso,
    > > then to
    > > Midland, Odessa, Lubbock, and Amarillo. From there, they'll proceed
    > > to
    > > Abilene, Ft. Worth and finally back to Dallas.
    > >
    > > Each will be driving a pink Volvo with a bumper sticker that reads,
    > > "I'm gay, I'm a vegetarian, I voted
    > > for Al Gore, George Strait Sucks and I'm here to
    > > confiscate your guns!" The first one to make it back to Dallas alive
    > > wins..............


    A blind man enters a Lesbian bar by mistake. He finds his way to a
    bar stool and orders a drink. After sitting there for a while the blind
    guy yells to the bartender, "Hey, wanna hear a blonde joke?"

    A deathly silence transcends the bar. In a deep, husky,
    menacing voice, the woman next to him says,
    "Before you tell that joke, you should know something.
    The bartender is blonde, the bouncer is blonde,
    and I'm a 6' tall, 200lb blonde with a black belt in Karate.
    What's more, the woman sitting next to me is blonde and
    she's a weight lifter. The lady to your right is a blonde
    and she's a powerwrestler! Think about it seriously, Mister.
    You still wanna tell that joke?"

    The blind man pauses to think, and then replies,
    "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

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