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more redneck humor

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by riz, Feb 28, 2002.

  1. riz

    riz 3/4 ton status

    Joined:
    Mar 7, 2000
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    Location:
    Wisconsin
    <font color=blue>&gt; GENERAL
    &gt; Never take a beer to a job interview.
    &gt; Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.
    &gt; It's considered tacky to take a cooler to church.
    &gt; If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.
    &gt; Even if you're certain that you are included in the will, it is still
    &gt; considered tacky to drive a U-Haul to the funeral home.
    &gt;
    &gt; DINING OUT
    &gt; When decanting wine, make sure that you tilt the paper cup, and pour
    &gt; slowly so as not to "bruise"the fruit of the wine.
    &gt; If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your fingers
    &gt; covering the label.
    &gt;
    &gt; ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOUSE
    &gt; A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a
    &gt; taxidermist.
    &gt; Do not allow the dog to eat at the table...no matter how good his
    &gt; manners are.
    &gt;
    &gt; PERSONAL HYGIENE
    &gt; While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be
    &gt; done in private using one's OWN truck keys.
    &gt; Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for several days.
    &gt; However, if you live alone, deodorant is a waste of good money.
    &gt; Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they tend to
    &gt; detract from a woman's jewelry and alter the taste of finger foods.
    &gt;
    &gt; DATING (outside the family)
    &gt; Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date.
    &gt; Be aggressive. Let her know you're interested: "I've been wanting to go
    &gt; out with you since I read that stuff on the bathroom wall two years ago."
    &gt; Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Some will say
    &gt; 10:00 PM; Others might say "Monday." If the latter is the answer, it is
    &gt; the man's responsibility to get her to school on time.
    &gt;
    &gt; THEATER ETIQUETTE
    &gt; Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up immediately
    &gt; after the movie has ended.
    &gt; Refrain from talking to characters on the screen. Tests have proven they
    &gt; can't hear you.
    &gt;
    &gt; WEDDINGS
    &gt; Livestock, usually, is a poor choice for a wedding gift.
    &gt; Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you shot.
    &gt; For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with a cummerbund
    &gt; and a clean bowling shirt can create a tacky appearance.
    &gt; Though uncomfortable, say "yes" to socks and shoes for this special
    &gt; occasion.
    &gt;
    &gt; DRIVING ETIQUETTE
    &gt; Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles; Even if the gun is loaded,
    &gt; and the deer is in sight. When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle
    &gt; with the largest tires always has the right of way.
    &gt; Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.
    &gt; When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to
    &gt; ask her to bring back beer.
    &gt; Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession

    L8r,
    . Riz . <a target="_blank" href=http://www.geocities.com/rizmonkey>www.geocities.com/rizmonkey</a>

    <font color=purple> monkeys steal my underwear at night
     
  2. UseYourBlinker

    UseYourBlinker 1 ton status

    Joined:
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    <blockquote><font class="small">In reply to:</font><hr>

    A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist.

    <hr></blockquote>

    LMAO!




    Eric
    from Freekmont,CA.

    <a target="_blank" href=http://www.community.webshots.com/user/vwryda>I'm Discombobulated </a>
     

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