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Mustard...

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by BoondocK5, May 27, 2006.

  1. BoondocK5

    BoondocK5 1 ton status Author

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    I Love Mustard. (This is a true story. If you have children you will probably relate to this father.)

    As ham sandwiches go, it was perfection: a thick slab of ham on a
    fresh bun with crisp lettuce and plenty of expensive, light brown, gourmet mustard. The corners of my jaw aching in anticipation, I carried it to the table in our backyard, picked it up with both hands but was stopped by my wife suddenly at my side.

    "Here, hold Johnny (our six- week-old son) while I get my sandwich," she said.

    I had him balanced between my left elbow and shoulder and was reaching again for the ham sandwich when I noticed a streak of mustard on my fingers.

    I love mustard. I had no napkin I licked it off. It was not mustard.

    No man ever put a baby down faster. It was the first and only time I have sprinted with my tongue protruding. With a washcloth in each hand, I did the sort of routine shoeshine boys do; only I did it on my tongue.




    Later, after she stopped crying from laughing so hard, my wife said, "Now you know why they call that fancy mustard . . . "Poupon.":haha: :haha: :haha:



     
  2. tRustyK5

    tRustyK5 Big meanie Staff Member Super Moderator GMOTM Winner Author

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    Ewwwwwwwww!!

    Rene
     
  3. justhorsinaround

    justhorsinaround 3/4 ton status

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    The last time I tried to change one of the twins, Elora power poopied (for lack of a better term) on my leg. Once Jenn realized how close I came to puking all over our daughter I never had to change poopy diapers again.

    I can't even imagine getting some on my tongue!!!
     
  4. FOR MUD

    FOR MUD 1/2 ton status Premium Member GMOTM Winner

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    I had my daughter over my head when she threw up in my mouth , but never any poop . The things we do for our kids!!!!
     
  5. tRustyK5

    tRustyK5 Big meanie Staff Member Super Moderator GMOTM Winner Author

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    Our first daughter used to puke on me all the time...poopy diapers I never had a problem with. I probably did the lion's share of diapers with our first. My wife made up for that with our second daughter though.

    Rene
     
  6. k2mslskier

    k2mslskier 1/2 ton status

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    I once paid my 11 year old $20 to clean up the puke from my 8 year old since she didn't quite make the toilet. Would do it again in a heartbeat. The new one arrives in August...I have no idea how I'll handle baby sh*t and spitup.
     
  7. BranndonC

    BranndonC 3/4 ton status

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    yuck!!!!!!!!!
     
  8. BoondocK5

    BoondocK5 1 ton status Author

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    My wife just read all your posts... now your all a bunch of wimps!:haha: :haha: :haha:
     
  9. perp

    perp 1/2 ton status

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    After reading this I am gonna have to toss out the Grey "poop-on", thats's just NASTY!
     
  10. cbbr

    cbbr 1 ton status GMOTM Winner

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    Would it have been better if it was classic yellow?
     
  11. ProJunkRacing

    ProJunkRacing 1/2 ton status

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    hahaha wow that was funny
     

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