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New Standard in California

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by TXBIGFISH, Sep 4, 2002.

  1. TXBIGFISH

    TXBIGFISH 1/2 ton status

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    Location:
    Sachse TX
    New California Emissions Standards Outlaw Flatulence

    SACRAMENTO, CALIFORNIA- As the hole in the ozone layer grows
    larger each day, folks down here on earth struggle to find effective
    ways to curb the production of greenhouse gasses. California
    legislators, long known for their pioneering environmental standards
    for automobiles, passed a new law yesterday calling for "personal
    emissions standards," effectively outlawing farting of any kind.

    According to the text of the law, all California citizens will undergo
    an annual emissions test. The test itself is relatively simple: the
    subject
    simply flatulates into a disposable plastic bag, the contents of which
    goes to a gas chromatograph to discern the subject's concentration
    levels of methane and other green house substances. Those who do
    not pass the test [scoring 1500 or more parts per billion] will be
    required to retrofit their colons with special catalytic converters.

    How does the state plan to enforce the new law? Starting next month,
    California police officers will be authorized to write tickets to anyone
    observed engaged in a "gaseous explosion between the buttocks."
    The fee for this "tailpipe tax" will range from $50 to $150 depending
    on the severity of the infraction. As always, citizens are free to fight
    the ticket in court.

    True to form, Californians are already complaining that the legislation
    infringes on personal liberties and that the catalytic converters reduce
    metabolic efficiency. Also troubling is the whistling sound the device
    makes, perhaps better suited to an episode of Benny Hill.

    In need of a reaction to the new law, reporters woke Governor Gray
    Davis from his afternoon nap. "Wha? It's not my fault, whatever it is!"

    Later that afternoon, a more composed Davis addressed reporters.
    "Sure, the human body is a relatively minor source of methane,"
    admitted Davis. "Coalbeds and other industrial sites are by far the
    biggest culprits, but given the current state of the economy and our
    ravenous energy needs here in the Golden State, we're not about to
    touch that issue with a ten foot pole."

    In spite of the fact that legislators stopped short of outlawing the
    consumption of beans or broccoli, industry experts say the law could
    halt the recent growth in the specialty bean market.
     
  2. zcarczar

    zcarczar 1/2 ton status

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    LOL, That is too funny. Im suprised no one has tried to pass that one yet, LOL
     
  3. Bubba Ray Boudreaux

    Bubba Ray Boudreaux 1 ton status

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    "I'm an outlaw"
     
  4. trailblazer87

    trailblazer87 1/2 ton status

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    You mean I can't enjoy my second favorite past-time anymore?
    I like it when I get the little flame "Tornado" with a good rip /forums/images/icons/cool.gif
     
  5. Bubba Ray Boudreaux

    Bubba Ray Boudreaux 1 ton status

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    I laid one down a little while ago, there's going to be a "Spare the Air" day tomorrow, guaranteed! /forums/images/icons/grin.gif
     

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