Arachnoleptic fit: The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web. Assmosis: The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard. Bozone: The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future. Cashtration: The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly. Dust: Mud with the juice squeezed out. Egotist: Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid. Glibido: All talk and no action. Gossip: A person who will never tell a lie if the truth will do more damage. Hipatitis: Terminal coolness. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an a**hole. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with. Mosquito: An insect that makes you like flies better. Mouse Potato: The on-line, wired generation's answer to the couch potato. Onosecond: That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just made a BIG mistake. Percussive Maintenance: The fine art of whacking the s*** out of an electronic device to get it to work again. Perfect Pitch: what it is when you throw a banjo in a dumpster and it didn't hit the sides. Phonecrastinate: To put off answering the phone until caller ID identifies the caller. Salmon Day: The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die in the end. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it. Seagull Manager: A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves. Stress Puppy: A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiney. Swipeout: An ATM or credit card that has been rendered useless because the magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use. Tomorrow: One of the greatest labor saving devices of today. Yawn: An honest opinion openly expressed.