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No sex tonight...

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by MTMike, Sep 27, 2005.

  1. MTMike

    MTMike 1/2 ton status

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    One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into
    bed.

    Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't feel
    like it, I just want you to hold me."

    I said "WHAT??!! What was that?!"

    So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...
    "You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me
    to satisfy your physical needs as a man." She responded to my puzzled look
    by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in
    the bedroom?"

    Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

    The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with
    her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big
    unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on
    several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to
    take so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to
    compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. We
    went onto the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond
    earrings. Let me tell you...she was so excited. She must have thought I was
    one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because
    she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play
    tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey."
    She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement.
    Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all
    dear, let's go to the cashier."

    I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel
    like it."

    Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled
    WHAT?"

    I then said "honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're
    just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy
    your shopping needs as a woman." And just when she had this look like she
    was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and
    not for the things I buy you?"

    Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either.
     
  2. dogdaysunrise

    dogdaysunrise 1/2 ton status

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    man thats some funny poop. Sounds to me like you may have just punched out one more notch on the screw up 10 times, get dumped for free card. :bow:
     
  3. spongeidys

    spongeidys 1/2 ton status

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    prolly wasent the smartest thing to do ever...but it was clever....clever indeed....i wish i would of thought of doing that sometimes
     
  4. tRustyK5

    tRustyK5 Big meanie Staff Member Super Moderator GMOTM Winner Author

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    :bow: :bow:

    Funny!!!

    Rene
     
  5. thatK30guy

    thatK30guy 1 ton status Premium Member

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    FRICKIN' AWESOME!!! I'm putting this up in the shop for everyone to read!
    :bow: :bow: :bow: :bow: :bow: :bow: :bow: :bow: :bow: :bow: :bow: :bow: :bow:
     
  6. jboyes

    jboyes 1/2 ton status

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    :haha: :haha: :haha: :haha: :haha: Very few things make me laugh out loud when by myself. THAT DID!!!!!!! That was great.
     
  7. MOABDADC22

    MOABDADC22 1/2 ton status

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    That is freaking hilarious. I wish I would have thought of that. :bow: :bow: :bow: :bow: :bow: :bow: :bow:
     
  8. Tom E

    Tom E Registered Member

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    :haha: :haha: :haha: NICELY DONE!!!!!
     
  9. Jishory

    Jishory 1/2 ton status

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    HAHAHAHAAHAHA! funniest thing i have read in a while:haha: :haha: :haha:
     
  10. B_to_C

    B_to_C 1/2 ton status Author

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    Oh my god....

    YOU ARE MY HERO :bow:
     
  11. Resurrection_Joe

    Resurrection_Joe 1 ton status

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    That's just sad
     
  12. spincast375

    spincast375 1/2 ton status

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    Well done. Well done indeed!
     
  13. cbbr

    cbbr 1 ton status GMOTM Winner

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    :haha: Nice. :haha:
     
  14. 4xcrazy

    4xcrazy 3/4 ton status

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    yeah, pretty funny, too bad it's an old joke :crazy:
     
  15. Desert Rat

    Desert Rat Fetch the comfy chair

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    Yep, throw some quotes around it.
     
  16. camiswelding

    camiswelding 1/2 ton status

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    I WANT FOLLOW-UP....

    did you get any?


    :haha: :haha: :haha:
     
  17. MTMike

    MTMike 1/2 ton status

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    You guys are no fun :haha: :haha:
     
  18. destinbeachman

    destinbeachman 1/2 ton status

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    sweet

    Well,that's just one more that I hope I can remember to throw down when the time comes. :D
     
  19. mudnmyvayne

    mudnmyvayne 1/2 ton status

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    you get the 'atta-boy' for today :bow: :D
     
  20. muddysub

    muddysub 1 ton suburban status Staff Member Moderator GMOTM Winner

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    same here..... funniest **** ive heard in a loong time!
     

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