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Oath of enlistment (long but good read)

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by Stickseler, Apr 6, 2003.

  1. Stickseler

    Stickseler 3/4 ton status

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    US ARMY OATH OF ENLISTMENT

    I, (state your name), swear to sign away 4 years of my mediocre life to the United States Army because I couldn't score high enough on the ASVAB to get into the Air Force, because I'm not tough enough for the Marines, and the Navy won't take me because I can't swim.

    I will wear camouflage everyday and tuck my trousers in my boots because I can't figure out how to use blousing straps. I promise to wear my uniform 24 hours a day even when I have a date.

    I will continue to tell myself I am a fierce killing machine because my Drill Sergeant told me I am, despite the fact that the only action I will ever see is a court-martial for sexual harassment.

    I acknowledge the fact that I will make E-8 in my first year of service, and vow to maintain that it is because I scored perfect on my PT test. After completion of sexual...er...I mean Boot Camp, I will attend a different Army school once every other month and return knowing less than I did when I left.

    On my first trip home after Boot Camp, I will walk around like I'm cool and propose to my 9th grade sweetheart. I will make my wife stay home because if I let her out she might leave me for a smarter Air Force guy or a better looking Marine. Should she leave me twelve times, I will continue to take her back. While at work I will maintain a look of knowledge while getting absolutely nothing accomplished.

    I will arrive at work everyday at 1000 hours because of morning PT and leave every day at 1300 to report back to the "company." I understand that I will undergo no training whatsoever that will help me get a job upon separation, and will end up working construction with my friends from high school. I will brag to everyone about the Army giving me $50,000 for college, but will be unable to use any of it because I can't pass the placement exam. So help me God.

    Signature_________________ Date__________________

    US AIR FORCE OATH OF ENLISTMENT

    I, (state your name), swear to sign 4 years of my useless life to the United States Air Force because I am too smart for the Army and because the Marines frighten me, and I am afraid of water over waist-deep.

    I swear to sit behind a desk and take credit for the work done by others more dedicated than me who take their job seriously. I also swear to do no real form of exercise, but promise to defend our bike riding test as a valid form of exercise.

    I swear to uphold and defend the Constitution of the United States, even though I believe my self to above that.

    I promise to walk around calling everyone by their first name because I know I'm really not in the military and I find it amusing to annoy the other services. I will have a better quality of life than all those around me and will at all times be sure to make everyone aware of that fact.

    After completion of my "Basic Training", and receiving a ribbon for it, I will be a lean mean, donut eating, lazy-boy sitting, civilian-wearing-blue-clothes, chair-borne Ranger. I will believe I am superior to all others and will make an effort to clean the knife before stabbing the next person in the back with it.

    I will do no work unless some one is watching me (and it makes me look good), will annoy all those around me, and will go home early every day. I consent to never getting promoted (ever) and understand that all those whom I made fun of yesterday will probably outrank me tomorrow. So help me God.

    Signature________________ Date_________________

    US NAVY OATH OF ENLISTMENT

    I, (state your name), in lieu of going to prison, swear to sign away 4 years of my life to the United States Navy because I want to hang out with Marines without having to actually be one of them, because I thought the Air Force was too "corporate," and because I thought "Hey, I like to swim....why not."

    I promise to wear clothing that went out of style in 1976 and have my name stenciled on the butt of every pair of pants I own. I understand that I will be mistaken for the Good Humor man during the summer, and for the Waffen SS during the winter.

    I will strive to use a different language than the rest of the English-speaking world, using words like "deck, bulkhead, cover, and head" instead of "floor, wall, hat, and toilet." I will take great pride in the fact that all Navy acronyms, rank and insignia, and everything else for that matter, are completely different from the other services and make absolutely no sense whatsoever.

    I will muster (what ever that is) at 0700 hours every morning unless I am buddy-buddy with the chief, in which case I will show up at 0930 hours. I vow to hone my coffee cup handling skills to the point that I can stand up in a kayak being tossed around in a typhoon, and still not spill a drop.

    I consent to being promoted and subsequently busted down at least twice per fiscal year. I realize that, once selected for Chief, I am required to submit myself to the sick, and quite possibly illegal, whims of my new found "colleagues." So help me Neptune..

    Signature__________________ Date______________

    US MARINE CORPS OATH OF ENLISTMENT

    I, (make up a name the police won’t recognize), swear…uhhh…high-and-tight…grunt…cammies…kill….fix bayonets….and charge…..beer….salors wives….air strikes….yes SIR!!!…whiskey…liberty…call….salute…Ooorah,….Gunny….grenade…women…..OORAH! So help me Chesty PULLER!

    X__________Thumb Print

    XX________________Teeth Marks
     
  2. Bubba Ray Boudreaux

    Bubba Ray Boudreaux 1 ton status

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    [ QUOTE ]
    US ARMY OATH OF ENLISTMENT

    I, (state your name), swear to sign away 4 years of my mediocre life to the United States Army because I couldn't score high enough on the ASVAB to get into the Air Force, because I'm not tough enough for the Marines, and the Navy won't take me because I can't swim.

    [/ QUOTE ]
    I can swim, but didn't see Bill Dance around. Scored high enough for the Air Scouts, but who really wants to and as for the Corps, is there any other MOS than Zero-Fawking Three Hundred?

    [ QUOTE ]
    I will wear camouflage everyday and tuck my trousers in my boots because I can't figure out how to use blousing straps. I promise to wear my uniform 24 hours a day even when I have a date.

    [/ QUOTE ]
    It looks better, y'all are just pissed over the name tag thing/forums/images/graemlins/thumb.gif

    [ QUOTE ]
    I will continue to tell myself I am a fierce killing machine because my Drill Sergeant told me I am,

    [/ QUOTE ]
    I was damnit, I was I was.
    [ QUOTE ]
    despite the fact that the only action I will ever see is a court-martial for sexual harassment.

    [/ QUOTE ]
    I must plead the 5th on that one/forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif


    [ QUOTE ]
    I acknowledge the fact that I will make E-8 in my first year of service, and vow to maintain that it is because I scored perfect on my PT test.

    [/ QUOTE ]
    Yeah right, only if you're an 11Fawking Bang Bang

    [ QUOTE ]
    After completion of sexual...er...I mean Boot Camp, I will attend a different Army school once every other month and return knowing less than I did when I left.

    [/ QUOTE ]
    Well, Field Sanitation School, good stuff. Primary Leadership Development Course, at least I got a ribbon for it. Scout Commander Course, too bad I was married at the time. Air Assault School, never want to go through that again.

    [ QUOTE ]
    While at work I will maintain a look of knowledge while getting absolutely nothing accomplished.

    [/ QUOTE ]
    That's a hard job, don't knock it.

    [ QUOTE ]
    I will arrive at work everyday at 1000 hours because of morning PT and leave every day at 1300 to report back to the "company."

    [/ QUOTE ]
    Cough, cough. 0630 for PT, report back at 0900 sharp, sit around til 1130, go watch TV, err I mean have lunch, report back at 1300, sit around until 1645 for final formation./forums/images/graemlins/thumb.gif

    [ QUOTE ]
    I understand that I will undergo no training whatsoever that will help me get a job upon separation,

    [/ QUOTE ]
    Isn't doing route recons and finding how much C-4 is needed to take down that bridge doesn't actually translate into civilian life? What about popping rounds down range with exotic automatice weapons, does that count?

    [ QUOTE ]
    I will brag to everyone about the Army giving me $50,000 for college, but will be unable to use any of it because I can't pass the placement exam. So help me God.

    [/ QUOTE ]
    Make that $10,000 and it paid for my professional donut tasters academy./forums/images/graemlins/thumb.gif
     
  3. Stickseler

    Stickseler 3/4 ton status

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    [ QUOTE ]
    as for the Corps, is there any other MOS than Zero-Fawking Three Hundred?


    [/ QUOTE ]

    Yep 0861/2531/9962 /forums/images/graemlins/cool.gif
     
  4. Bubba Ray Boudreaux

    Bubba Ray Boudreaux 1 ton status

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    And those would be? I don't know any of the Jarhead MOS's except Zero Three Hundred, Zero Three Thirteen(found that one out this weekend).
     
  5. Stickseler

    Stickseler 3/4 ton status

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    Field artillery fire support / radio operator / parachutist = ANGLICO F.O. (over glorified grunt) /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif
     
  6. MEPR

    MEPR 1/2 ton status

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    hey i scores high enough on the asvab. The air force just dosnt have Hemits /forums/images/graemlins/wink.gif
     
  7. Tybee

    Tybee 1/2 ton status

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    [ QUOTE ]
    because I'm not tough enough for the Marines

    [/ QUOTE ] Or maybe dont want to be brainwashed for the rest of my life!!! /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif
     
  8. 84_Chevy_K10

    84_Chevy_K10 Banned

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    Tucking your pants into your boots looks like [censored] in my opinion. I've always worn blousing straps. I bought them at the PX in reception before I went to basic training and wore them all through basic.

    I think it looks so stupid to tuck your pants into your boots like that. In the field, I can see doing it to keep the bugs off your legs. Other than that, it's uncomfortable and I personally think it should be a violation of the uniform regulations when in a garrison environment. That's just my opinion though.
     
  9. Bubba Ray Boudreaux

    Bubba Ray Boudreaux 1 ton status

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    [ QUOTE ]
    I think it looks so stupid to tuck your pants into your boots like that. In the field, I can see doing it to keep the bugs off your legs. Other than that, it's uncomfortable and I personally think it should be a violation of the uniform regulations when in a garrison environment. That's just my opinion though.

    [/ QUOTE ]

    Holy crap. Some wet behind the ears private has been there, done that and has seen it all and knows it all. /forums/images/graemlins/deal.gif /forums/images/graemlins/deal.gif /forums/images/graemlins/deal.gif
     

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