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ok, some of you military guys might get a kick outta this

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by nc87k5, Jul 20, 2004.

  1. nc87k5

    nc87k5 3/4 ton status

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    After every flight, pilots fill out a form called a gripe sheet, which conveys to the mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft during the flight that need repair or correction. The mechanics read and correct the problem, and then respond in writing on the lower half of the form what remedial action was taken, and the pilot reviews the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humor! Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems as submitted by Qantas pilots and the solution recorded by maintenance engineers.
    (P = the problem logged by the pilot.)
    (S = the solution and action taken by the engineers.)
    P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
    S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

    P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
    S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

    P: Something loose in cockpit.
    S: Something tightened in cockpit.

    P: Dead bugs on windshield.
    S: Live bugs on back-order.

    P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
    S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

    P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
    S: Evidence removed.

    P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
    S: DME volume set to more believable level.

    P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
    S: That's what they're there for.

    P: IFF inoperative.
    S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

    P: Suspected crack in windshield.
    S: Suspect you're right.

    P: Number 3 engine missing.
    S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

    P: Aircraft handles funny.
    S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

    P: Target radar hums.
    S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

    P: Mouse in cockpit.
    S: Cat installed.

    P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
    S: Took hammer away from midget.
     
  2. TX Mudder

    TX Mudder 1/2 ton status

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    Houston
    [ QUOTE ]
    P: Number 3 engine missing.
    S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

    [/ QUOTE ]

    That has got to be the funniest. I laughed so hard I couldn't breath.
     
  3. unick

    unick 1/2 ton status

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    Location:
    San Diego Comufornia
    [ QUOTE ]

    P: IFF inoperative.
    S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.



    [/ QUOTE ]

    I have actually seen this. I work I strand and we got a box in that said it didnt work in the OFF position. Stupid o level monkeys /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif

    Nick
     
  4. big83chevy4x4

    big83chevy4x4 3/4 ton status

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    [ QUOTE ]
    P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
    S: Took hammer away from midget.



    [/ QUOTE ]

    this is probably the best one /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif
     
  5. jarheadk5

    jarheadk5 1/2 ton status

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    I've seen this same thing, with the occasional change, attributed to each branch of the Armed Forces, plus a few airlines. Still funny stuff though.
    I actually did have a pilot who wrote up "COM 2 radio inop(erative) in OFF position".
    Our Avionics shop sat on it for a week to think about it, then logged 40 man-hours of troubleshooting time, and signed off the gripe "Pilot requires refresher training in ARC-210 operation". The maintenance officer was hysterical, but the CO wasn't quite as amused...

    Here's my additions:

    P: #2 propeller leaking prop fluid.
    S: #2 prop fluid leakage is normal and within limits.
    P: #1,#3, and #4 propellers not leaking normally.

    P: Right afterburner bangs when selected.
    S: That's what jet fuel does when it's pumped into a lit blowtorch.

    P: Aircraft very sloppy while hovering, will not maintain stability.
    S: Loose nut found between copilot cyclic stick and copilot seat. Nut replaced. Next Pilot Please Comment...
     
  6. nc87k5

    nc87k5 3/4 ton status

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    [ QUOTE ]
    [ QUOTE ]
    P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
    S: Took hammer away from midget.



    [/ QUOTE ]

    this is probably the best one /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif

    [/ QUOTE ]

    I thought so too! /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif
     
  7. or2play

    or2play 1/2 ton status

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    [ QUOTE ]
    [ QUOTE ]

    P: IFF inoperative.
    S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.



    [/ QUOTE ]

    I have actually seen this. I work I strand and we got a box in that said it didnt work in the OFF position. Stupid o level monkeys /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif

    Nick

    [/ QUOTE ]

    Of course, the ever famous, "On For Flight" gripe. I've seen this as well. More than a few time.
     
  8. or2play

    or2play 1/2 ton status

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    [ QUOTE ]
    [ QUOTE ]

    P: IFF inoperative.
    S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.



    [/ QUOTE ]

    Stupid o level monkeys /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif

    Nick

    [/ QUOTE ]

    Whoa, I'm assuming that your I level. I level, I don't even know were to start with them. Our MALS A-799's alot of components. The avi shops and MALS is always fighting over something.
     
  9. surpip

    surpip 1 ton status

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    Location:
    sacramento ca
    [ QUOTE ]
    [ QUOTE ]

    P: IFF inoperative.
    S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.



    [/ QUOTE ]

    I have actually seen this. I work I strand and we got a box in that said it didnt work in the OFF position. Stupid o level monkeys /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif

    Nick

    [/ QUOTE ]hey screw you pal o level is the [darn],
    we had piss tubes in our jet,(pretty self explanitory) the pilot wrote it up as "pilot's piss tube too short" my guy signed it off "piss tube checks good with enlisted dick" kicked ass till he ot in trouble for it /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/thumb.gif
     
  10. unick

    unick 1/2 ton status

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    dont get all butt hurt about it guys it was a joke. for those of yall that dont know O lvl guys actually work on the aircraft and I lvl guys sit inside and use computers to fix pieces of gear in the AC. O lvl works WAY harder then I lvl but thats ok by me.
     
  11. Twiz

    Twiz 1/2 ton status

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    Allways loved this one from Thumper

    [ QUOTE ]
    Well, this is far from 4 wheelers but real funny... I work on F-18 jet fighters. For a certain pilot we didnt like we arranged ahead of time a great little joke. All it took was a pair of oil soaked dirty white coveralls (our old work uniform) stuffed into the nose wheel well. During the start sequence of the jet, we walk around the plane (in our clean white coveralls) and do a 'last chance check' on the aircraft. The final part of the check is to duck under the nose wheel well and check in there. Well, I changed my coveralls from the shiny white clean ones, to the oil soaked dripping wet dirty ones while I was under there. Then I popped out and gave him a big thumbs up and pulled out the chock. You wanna see a guys face drop!!! He freaked! Then he shut off the engines and proceeded to get his butt out of the jet as fast as he could. I wore it for that one but my supervisor was almost laughing the whole time he was lecturing me... It was worth it tho...

    Mike


    Thumper
    85 Fullsize Jimmy

    [/ QUOTE ]
     
  12. surpip

    surpip 1 ton status

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    not bent at all just a o level tech givin you [darn] that's all its all goo i used to hang out in the i level shops on the boat /forums/images/graemlins/waytogo.gif /forums/images/graemlins/peace.gif, sooooo much cooler!!
     

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