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Oldie but Goodie joke

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by newyorkin, Jan 26, 2002.

  1. newyorkin

    newyorkin 1 ton status

    Joined:
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    At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer
    industry with the auto industry and stated: "If GM had kept up with technology
    like the computer industry has, we would all be driving twenty-five dollar cars
    that got 1000 miles to the gallon." In response to Bill's comments, General Motors
    issued a press release stating (by Mr Welch himself): If GM had developed technology
    like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:

    1. For no reason whatsoever your car would crash twice a day.

    2. Every time they repainted the lines on the road you would have to buy a new car.

    3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason, and you would just
    accept this, restart and drive on.

    4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn, would cause your car to
    shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstal the engine.


    5. Only one person at a time could use the car, unless you bought "Car95" or
    "CarNT." But then you would have to buy more seats.

    6. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, reliable, five times as
    fast, and twice as easy to drive, but would only run on five per cent of the roads.


    7. The oil, water temperature and alternator warning lights would be replaced by a
    single "general car default" warning light.

    8. New seats would force everyone to have the same size butt.

    9. The airbag system would say "Are you sure?" before going off.

    10. Occasionally for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse
    to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key, and
    grabbed hold of the radio antenna.

    11. GM would require all car buyers to also purchase a deluxe set of Rand McNally
    road maps (now a GM subsidiary), even though they neither need them nor want them.
    Attempting to delete this option would immediately cause the car's performance to
    diminish by 50% or more. Moreover, GM would become a target for investigation by the
    Justice Department.

    12. Every time GM introduced a new model car buyers would have to learn how to
    drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the manner as
    the old car.

    13. You'd press the "start" button to shut off the engine.




    Ratch
    CK5 album
    Prior signature burnt. This one on temporarily.
     
  2. UseYourBlinker

    UseYourBlinker 1 ton status

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    That's f$#&ing great... One reason I won't buy a X-Box, is cause of Microsoft! [​IMG]



    Eric
    from Freekmont,CA.

    <a target="_blank" href=http://www.community.webshots.com/user/vwryda>The darker side of nonsense...</a>
     

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