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ooo La La !! -->Rated PG for language<--

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by Goober, Feb 25, 2003.

  1. Goober

    Goober 1/2 ton status

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    Let's talk about France:





    Why are there no fireworks at EuroDisney? Because every time they went off, France tried to surrender.
    _____________________

    Q: How many Frenchmen does it take to defend Paris?
    A: Nobody knows. It's never been tried.

    ____________________

    A Frenchman's been drinking at a pub all night. The bartender finally says that the bar is closing. So, the Frenchman stands up to leave and falls flat on his face. He tries to stand one more time, same result. He figures he'll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up. Once outside, he stands up and falls flat on his face. So, he decides to crawl the 4 blocks to his home and when he arrives at the door he stands up and falls flat on his face. He crawls through the door into his bedroom. When he reaches his bed, he tries one more time to stand up. This time he manages to pull himself upright, but he quickly falls right into bed and is sound asleep, as soon as his head hits the pillow.

    He awakens the next morning to his wife standing over him shouting at him. "So, you've been out drinking again!!" "What makes you say that?" He asks as he puts on an innocent look. "The pub called, you left your wheelchair there again."
    __________________


    A Frenchwoman walks into a bar carrying a duck under her arm. The bartender says, "HEY! You can't bring that pig in here." The Frenchwoman says, "Excuse me...but that's a duck." The bartender says back, "Excuse ME, but I was talking to the duck."
    _____________

    A frenchman walks into a bar, smiles at the bartender and orders a glass of wine. The frenchie looks about and sees a camel sitting at the bar as well.

    The frenchie asks the barkeep, "What is that dirty camel doing in here?"

    The Bartender pulls a baseball bat out from behind the bar hits the camel in the head and the camel gives the bartender oral pleasure.

    The bartender looks at the frenchie and says "You want a go?" to which the frenchie replies: "Oui, but there is no need to hit me over the head."


    ______________

    Q:How do you castrate a frenchmen???
    A:Kick his sister in the jaw.

    _____________________

    Three guys, an Englishman, a Frenchman and an American are out walking along the beach together one day. They come across a lantern and a genie pops out of it. "I will give you each one wish, " says the genie. The American says, "I am a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in America." With a blink of the genie's eye, 'FOOM' - the land in America was forever made fertile for farming. The Frenchman was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around France, so that no one can come into our precious country." Again, with a blink of the Genie's eye, 'POOF' - there was a huge wall around France. The Englishman asks, "I'm very curious. Please tell me more about this wall. The Genie explains, "Well, it's about 150 feet high, 50 feet thick and nothing can get in or out." The Englishman says, "Fill it up with water."

    ________________________


    Did you hear about the Frenchman who lost his license to practice medicine? He was caught having sex with some of his patients. It's a shame, he was by far the best vet in town.
    __________________________


    The French zoo had acquired a very rare species of gorilla. Within a few weeks, the female gorilla became very cranky and difficult to handle. Upon examination, the zoo veterinarian determined the problem. The gorilla was in heat. To make matters worse, there were no male gorilla species available.

    While reflecting on their problem, the zoo administrators noticed Pierre, an employee responsible for cleaning the animals' cages. Pierre, it was rumoured, had the ability to satisfy any female, but he wasn't very bright. So the zoo administrators thought they might have a solution.

    Pierre was approached with a proposition: would he be willing to have sex with the gorilla for five hundred Francs? Pierre showed some interest, but said he would have to think the matter over carefully.

    The following day, Pierre announced that he would accept their offer, but only under three conditions. "First," he said, "I don't want to have to kiss her. Secondly, I want nothing to do with any offspring that may result from this union."

    The zoo administration quickly agreed to these conditions, so they asked what about the third condition. "Well," said Pierre, "you've gotta give me another week to come up with the five hundred Francs."







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    Click Here
     
  2. k5ntexas

    k5ntexas 1/2 ton status

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  3. Tybee

    Tybee 1/2 ton status

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  4. schmuck

    schmuck 1/2 ton status

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  5. chevyracing

    chevyracing 1/2 ton status

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    Dang!!! /forums/images/graemlins/smile.gif
     
  6. NoAngel

    NoAngel 1/2 ton status

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    Zoot alore! As a Frenchwoman I am totally and utterly insulted by your comments. I will hit you over the head with a baguette and shove a pomme de terre down your throat if I shall ever run into you!
    TU PETITE COUCHON!! /forums/images/graemlins/tongue.gif
    J/K!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! /forums/images/graemlins/wink.gif
    The last name's O'Brien.... /forums/images/graemlins/thumb.gif
    FYI:
    Zoot Alore!=Holy crap!
    Baguette=Some crusty,hard as a rock,bread-like, food product
    Pomme de terre=Apple or Potato, I forget which
    Tu Petite Couchon= You Little Piggie
    SMILE!!!!!!!!!!!!
     
  7. Blaze

    Blaze 1/2 ton status

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    Pomme de terre is a potato. Pomme is apple, I guess a potato is apple of the ground. I don't now, it's been a while since I've had French class.....
     
  8. Goober

    Goober 1/2 ton status

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    [ QUOTE ]

    TU PETITE COUCHON!!

    [/ QUOTE ]




    SQUEEEEEL !



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  9. NoAngel

    NoAngel 1/2 ton status

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    ROTFLMAO!!!!!!!!!!!
    "You sure got a purdy mouth!"
    *A reference to the movie, Deliverance. For those that are film quote illiterate. /forums/images/graemlins/deal.gif* /forums/images/graemlins/wink.gif
     
  10. Goober

    Goober 1/2 ton status

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    Ahhhh, a Deliverance fan. Great flick!

    OK, here ya go:


    "I've got this shocking pain right behind the eyes!"
    "Have you tried amputation?"

    "Get up, boy. I bet you can squeal. I bet you can squeal like a pig."

    "Looks like we got us a sow here, 'stead of a boar."

    "Don't play games with these people."

    "Oh, God. There's no end to it."




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  11. NoAngel

    NoAngel 1/2 ton status

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