Dismiss Notice

Welcome To CK5!

Registering is free and easy! Hope to see you on the forums soon.

Score a FREE t-shirt and membership sticker when you sign up for a Premium Membership and choose the recurring plan.

Other parent aggravation - Child custody rant, Looooong

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by newyorkin, Oct 13, 2004.

  1. newyorkin

    newyorkin 1 ton status

    Joined:
    May 8, 2001
    Posts:
    16,555
    Likes Received:
    157
    Location:
    Los Estados Unitos
    My wife and I have decided we can finally support her daughter (my stepdaughter) in our house, and have been able to for a while. We see a greater need for different upbringing for her, so that kinda prompted the "let's try now" idea.
    There's a LOT of detail involved in this (as I'd guess there is with any custody stuff), so instead of a 5 paragraph rant post (which I just pm'd myself instead of posting /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif), I'll spare it for the basics...

    The father is a control freak. So far, he hasn't even touched why it would be a bad idea for us to have Sara (my stepdaughter) in any of thier emails (my wife is emailing him about this; we can print them for court /forums/images/graemlins/waytogo.gif). Every point he's made has been about the first two years of Sara's ten year life, and about how wonderful he is now, and how no one but him could possibly comprehend or provide what it takes to raise Sara (even though he seems to have at least 3 people; the different babysitters she spends her week with). The one point he touched on concerning Sara was about how she'd be devastated to have to change schools, friends, and doctors again. He seems to forget, though, that he told us a few weeks ago that he was going to be moving out of state or up-state next year, so he'll be devastating her even worse than we would if she mvoed 20 miles away from where she is now to live with us.

    So...this is going to be a fight, and I expect it will be difficult. He's a manipulative control freak, and I suspect that even if Sara were on the brink of death and moving in with us was the only way to keep her alive, he would refuse to allow it.
    So the question... I'd like to hang on to as much of my investment fund as possible... Anyone have any good ideas where to start the proceeding really cheap? Do state's ever provide something like this before I put all my cash in a lawyer? I think we used a state agency to help us get the original visitation paperwork changed many moons ago when we were super-poor... I know applying for my pistol license was effortless, but some of these firms that want $600 to apply for you make it sound like you need them; I'm wondering if this process is similar and I really don't need a lawyer.

    edit: fixed spelling, took out a leftover sentence... /forums/images/graemlins/doah.gif
     
  2. 84_Chevy_K10

    84_Chevy_K10 Banned

    Joined:
    May 30, 2001
    Posts:
    17,669
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    IL, USA
    What makes you think that any court is going to keep a child from her MOTHER?
     
  3. hi pinion

    hi pinion 3/4 ton status

    Joined:
    Sep 25, 2003
    Posts:
    5,354
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    **PLUMBING THE WORLD**
    Aw man, i dont know anything about that,but good luck with that, i think it is very stand up of you to take her in. /forums/images/graemlins/thumb.gif
     
  4. outlaw612

    outlaw612 1/2 ton status

    Joined:
    Feb 11, 2001
    Posts:
    2,342
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Springfield, Illinois
    From personal experience, there is almost nothing that will keep a child from their mother. Ive been trying to get my son for 4-5 years now and Ive been pretty much laughed out of court even though I could prove drug abuse (by mom and boyfriends) in their home, abuse in their home (again mom and boyfriends)and neglect and child endangerment.
     
  5. newyorkin

    newyorkin 1 ton status

    Joined:
    May 8, 2001
    Posts:
    16,555
    Likes Received:
    157
    Location:
    Los Estados Unitos
    Cool, encouraging things to hear. I don't want to get her by default of being the mother, I'd rather get her because we now have the ability to raise her to be more independent and act closer to her age. But, the means are not the end.


    In the rant I didn't post, I mentiond Sara has several issues that we thought might be spina bifida, causing her development below her actual age. She is severely socially underdeveloped, is aggravatingly dependent on other people for EVERYTHING...
    I am and have always been a believer that her stunted development is from her upbringing; he treats Sara like she's retarded and seems to try to make everyone else treat her that way. I would bet that my wife and I are the only ones that treat her like a normal kid. They seem to have just given up and resigned themselves to her being dependent on them for the rest of her life (he even said that once). She's socially retarded because he MAKES her that way. She used to come to our house friday night, and by the time she left sunday's, she'd be getting dressed and ready to go by herself. They seem to have to dress her, feed her, help her go potty... it's a forking joke, and I'm getting angry just thinking about how much they keep her down. I swear it's made her a totally lazy kid, and when we have her, I actually get pissed off at her because of it. I say, "we're going to _____ in a few minutes, get your shoes on" and my kids will have thier shoes on or at least start looking for them, while Sara stands there and says she can't find hers and needs someone to find them for her, then she can't put them on or tie them. I look at this and I'm like "Does she have a forkin servant when she's at her house???" Nope, they're just teach her that she can't do anything on her own, if not directly, indirectly by doing everything for her.
    And it's not like she's actually retarded or even dumb... She's learning the same manipulative personality traits her father has, and she uses them when she's with my kids; she's not stupid, she's intelligent and can scheme well, but very socially stunted.


    GRRRRRR /forums/images/graemlins/angryfire.gif /forums/images/graemlins/angryfire.gif /forums/images/graemlins/angryfire.gif /forums/images/graemlins/angryfire.gif
     
  6. djsblaze

    djsblaze 1/2 ton status

    Joined:
    Jul 7, 2003
    Posts:
    318
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Oklahoma
    Ive only handled two custody dispute, both in Oklahoma, so take this for what it is worth. The mother does not Automatically get the child, especially if the father has had physical custody for an extended period of time. It is not a cake walk. This is one of those things in life that is best done right the first time. If I were you, and serious about this issue, I would consult an attorney immediately. The party that throws the first punch will have the upperhand because they are showing the initiative (concern for the child); but that does not mean it will be easy. There might be government agencies out there that could assist you with this, but, the father will turn around and use it against you by saying you are not "economically" capable of raising the child, especially a special needs child, if in fact she is. I would most definately consult and attorney. Good luck, I think what you are doing is admirable. /forums/images/graemlins/waytogo.gif
     
  7. 84_Chevy_K10

    84_Chevy_K10 Banned

    Joined:
    May 30, 2001
    Posts:
    17,669
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    IL, USA
    [ QUOTE ]
    From personal experience, there is almost nothing that will keep a child from their mother. Ive been trying to get my son for 4-5 years now and Ive been pretty much laughed out of court even though I could prove drug abuse (by mom and boyfriends) in their home, abuse in their home (again mom and boyfriends)and neglect and child endangerment.

    [/ QUOTE ]

    Yep. /forums/images/graemlins/waytogo.gif
     
  8. newyorkin

    newyorkin 1 ton status

    Joined:
    May 8, 2001
    Posts:
    16,555
    Likes Received:
    157
    Location:
    Los Estados Unitos
    Thanks, good info to be prepared for... I told my wife to call a family friend who used to be an attorney (might still be, I'm not sure), and if she couldn't help us, to point us to someone that could.
     
  9. supersize75k5

    supersize75k5 OrganDonorRacing.com

    Joined:
    Feb 3, 2004
    Posts:
    8,832
    Likes Received:
    4
    Location:
    gilbert az
    That is awsome you are willing to do this, anything you love is worth fighting for. If Sara, really will get a better upbringing then you will have a friend for life and if she see's things like you do she will love you for it.

    Go for it, good luck.
     
  10. skratch

    skratch 1/2 ton status

    Joined:
    Oct 28, 2003
    Posts:
    1,646
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Gorveport, OH
    I don't have any advice or anything, but I want to wish you and your wife luck in the battle to come.
    And know that we will keep you guys in our thoughts and prayers.
     
  11. surpip

    surpip 1 ton status

    Joined:
    Apr 7, 2004
    Posts:
    10,877
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    sacramento ca
    good luck bro, ive never met you but you seem like a good dude, and i can tell by what you wrote you care alot about this girl, i wish you the best of luck /forums/images/graemlins/waytogo.gif
     
  12. scrappyk5

    scrappyk5 1/2 ton status

    Joined:
    Mar 17, 2002
    Posts:
    2,099
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    virginia
    i am curious why the father has custody in the first place.

    you and your wife can go through lots of money and lots of time off from work , but the courts are supposed to see what is best for the child.
    something i did when i spilt up with my ex , was to think what was best for my son. i came to the conclusion that joint custody was best , so my ex could not take off with him , and so i could have say in my childs life. i did not want to spend lots of energy and time into taking my son away from his mother. plus fill the pockets of two overly priced lawyers who make desicions over a cold beer and a sandwich at lunch time.
    so you need to decide , what is best for sara and what does she want.
     
  13. newyorkin

    newyorkin 1 ton status

    Joined:
    May 8, 2001
    Posts:
    16,555
    Likes Received:
    157
    Location:
    Los Estados Unitos
    [ QUOTE ]
    i am curious why the father has custody in the first place.

    [/ QUOTE ]

    Edited to avoid bashing the other guy...

    My wife and him had a pretty rough relationship and she ended up walking out on him and avoiding him, and unfortunately Sara too. She had dealt with him for I guess a year in misery to be with Sara, but eventually broke and had to leave. He took advantage of that and filed for full custody. Almost everything from those years roots in bitterness, manipulation and control...
     
  14. Resurrection_Joe

    Resurrection_Joe 1 ton status

    Joined:
    Jan 9, 2002
    Posts:
    17,372
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Gettysburg, SD
    Hey, good luck, I'll know at the end of the parenting any kid you've knocked about with the father stick is going to be pretty damn cool
     
  15. newyorkin

    newyorkin 1 ton status

    Joined:
    May 8, 2001
    Posts:
    16,555
    Likes Received:
    157
    Location:
    Los Estados Unitos
    Thanks RJ, I appreciate that from you.
     

Share This Page