1. Can you cry under water? 2. When I was young we used to go "skinny dipping," now I just chunky dunk." 3. Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity? 4. How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage? 5. Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours? 6. How come we choose from just two people for President and fifty for Miss America? 7. I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place! 8. Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over? 9. Stress is when you wake up screaming and then you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet. 10. Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off. 11. Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school, but they can in prison? 12. If raising children was going to be easy, it never would have started with something called labor! 13. Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever!