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Problems with sister - update 03/03/06 - getting worse

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by 84gmcjimmy, Jan 30, 2006.

  1. 84gmcjimmy

    84gmcjimmy 1 ton status

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    I am seeking advice from parents with teenagers or someone with experience with teenagers.

    My sister is 14 years old and recently this year has been hanging out with the wrong people. She has been skipping class, lieing a lot, drinking, smoking, and possibly doing drugs. Although I don't have proof, she has recently reeked of cigars and possibly cigarettes, I confronted her about it and claims she was hanging out with people smoking. I could be wrong though. Her marks in school have been dropping and she doesn't listen to my mom at all anymore. Even with small things like emptying the dishwasher or walking the dog. I know that if my dad was here she would listen. But she just seems to ignore everything mom says. She denies everything she does wrong and lies more then usual.

    Anything you guys can advice my mom does? She just doesn't know what to do anymore...

    Please PM me or post help here.
     
    Last edited: Mar 3, 2006
  2. eightyone

    eightyone 1/2 ton status

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    i dont have a sister, or a teenage daughter...but it wasnt too long ago when i was like that. honestly, teenages smoke, drink, lie...i beleive its just part of growing up. i think cigarettes are disgusting. but weed and beer are not as big a deal. most people grow out of that once they grow up a little.im 21, most of my friends are around the same age, and theres just a point when you realize its time to stop. and its not really that bad for you if your not a 40 year old deadbeat that does coke with your kids. i would just keep an eye on her, make sure she doesnt do anyhtign stupid. it took alot to turn me around, but i did alot of growing up recently, and i think i am turning out allright.
     
  3. Capman2k

    Capman2k 3/4 ton status

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    Yeah, what he said ^^^

    Some kids are good and don't do crap like that, and others aren't as good...

    Just be there for her, make sure she doesn't get in TOO much trouble, and she'll get over it... I wouldn't try to intervene too much unless she's really messing herself up, getting into the REALLY bad drugs, or completely blowing off school to get high... Be her big brother, not her dad...

    That said, if she were MY daughter, it'd be time for her to get a reality check...

    You could write to Dear Abby, but she'll just say that she needs therapy and that you're an alcoholic... what a creep that Abby is...
     
  4. BigOrange90Jimmy

    BigOrange90Jimmy 1/2 ton status Premium Member

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    I hate to intrude, but your dad passed away almost 2 years ago, correct? She may be suffering from a sort of post-traumatic stress disorder. I'm a psychology major, so I have to know this stuff. (I'll shut up about that though). Either way, I have a good friend that lost his mother, and he went downhill after that. I'm not saying that she will do the same, but to help prevent it, sit her down and have a deep, long conversation. At first, she will not want to talk, but I guarantee after a little bit of time, she will start to reveal things. You're family is all that you have, and no one can take that away from you, and they will always be there for you, so be there for her.

    If this type of behavior isn't the norm for her, it is a cry for help....a cry that she doesn't know how to let anyone know about.

    If I'm wrong, someone please stop me, because I almost feel like I'm putting too much psycological jabber in this thread.
     
  5. bigjbear

    bigjbear 1 ton status Staff Member Moderator

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    Depo-shot and do what you can to keep her off crack, meth, etc.
     
  6. Z3PR

    Z3PR Banned

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    Sounds like typical 14 Y/O behavior.
     
  7. Bubba Ray Boudreaux

    Bubba Ray Boudreaux 1 ton status

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    Let the ass kickings commence until behavior improves:D
     
  8. kgblazerfive

    kgblazerfive keymaster Premium Member GMOTM Winner

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    So what some of you are saying thats its ok as long as she doesn't do hard drugs?:rolleyes:

    Jimmy is probally right.
    So is Bubba
    Become her friend, find a father figure for her, uncle, friend, any good example would work, not to replace her father but give her a fatherly figure. She already is making bad and poor decisions and if she continues on the same path she will only make worse ones with out any direction.
    She may be able to do this on her own and may turn out to be a 40 living at home with your mom and her five kids from different fathers. Help her now its alot easier then when she is 40.
     
  9. 79k20350

    79k20350 3/4 ton status

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    Youre f@*#king kidding me right?

    Let her do it? are you guys nuts? yes this is a stage (most likely but you dont let her do it, No f'in way.) i know too many kids that have their lives seriously messed up because there parents let them do it. I also know otherkids whos parents were extremely strict and that made it worse. There is a fine line that has to be walked, but you cannot turn a blind eye! im 18 and ill admit ive smoked pot, cigarretes, drank beer, but you know what? i dont do it anymore! I only did a few times and do you know what straightened me out? A heart to heart with my dad. he sat down with me (cause he knew what was going on) and talked to me about his teenage years and his expieriances. he was honest with me about what he had done and how it affected his life. He told me about how if he could he go back and change the things hed done. The best thing you can do is be open and honest. AND LISTEN! the more open/ honest you are with her, the more she will be with you! also get her invovled in some activitys she'll like. if your occupied you have less of an opportunity to do stupid things. All in all it comes down to the kid. some will realize and want to change. Others the parents cant do anything about, no matter what they do. Somekids have to figure it out on there own. One thing is for sure though, you cant just let her do it!
     
  10. hi pinion

    hi pinion 3/4 ton status

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    First off, sorry so many smilys, im in a good mood.


    Thats real great :rolleyes: :haha: someone is secretly in the No Maam club:D ( Bubba) :D


    Hey man, every girl goes through that phase man. I have 2 sisters, and like 5 girl cousins, and they all went through the party scene man.They all went through there little " i wanna be a hoe for a while " phase. As long as she isnt getting hurt, beat, or something. Because no matter how hard you try, they will do, what they want, whether you like it or not.Im sorry, but, you cant change a woman :haha: young or old,,,,ive already tried, and it dosent work. :doah: :D For years now he he.:D But i go nowhere lol. :D

    Id just point it out , have a talk with her for the most part, and tell her how you feel. And that you know whats going on. And that youre always there for her, and, if she ever needs you, youll be there. Shes grow out of it, just like many others.If shes anything like you, shes a good gal, is smart, and has dreams, mabey remind her of those from time to time, ask her to go and do stuff with you mabey.

    Also, not to be a total pig, :D , but this could be a blessing in disguise for you, because where there is girls, there are always MORE girls, lol, mabey you could hang with them? If they are in your age range?

    Just trying to help, sorry if my ways are "old school" lol, but dude, im suprised and proud you arent out doing the same thing she is, with your age and all, good job man.

    Give it time, be there for her, and dont let her slip *too* far, if you see it getting too bad yank her up. :wink1:

    Jacob
     
  11. 79k20350

    79k20350 3/4 ton status

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    Also never ever ever accuse her of doing something. never say "i know youre doing this" unless your holding a bag of something you found in her room, it can only push her further away. Oh and btw i have a 28 yr old sister. she has 3 kids. the first when she was 16, the next 19 and the last one just recently (she was on the shot for all 3, go figure:rolleyes:) she works a low paying job, lives in low income housing and does all she can to support her kids. she only smokes weed but for some reason doesnt want to stop. i love my sister to death i really do, but this could be the path of your sis. it can happen. My sister is actually my 1/2 sis. we have the same mom and differant dads. my dad adopted her when she was 2 so he is her dad, he does love her and he has always and will always be there for her. Heres the problem. My mom is nuts. she is a drug addict and is no longer part of my life. my mom would let my sister do things she shouldnt, and my dad would try to stop it. Because hes not her real dad when she was younger she could care less what he thought, which caused alot of problem in the house. my mom and dad would fight alot because of the way they choose to parent her, and this pushed her even farther away. my sister is a smart person, she made bad decisions though. the approval on one end and fight on the other i think really f'ed her up. sorry to rant but i just wanted to show and example of what can happen. this IS NOT SOMETHING TO BE TAKEN LIGHTLY! if you have any questions you wan to ask just pm me. Agian sorry for the long post's but this subject get me all worked up.;)
     
  12. mikey_d05

    mikey_d05 1 ton status GMOTM Winner

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    It's hard to tell you what to do because in reality it's all about the mindset she's in. I started doing the same thing at about the same age but knew eventually that I was gonna come out of it. Almost all of my old friends are happily in colleges around the midwest, but two are in jail, one is a father, one will be a father in March, one died while driving drunk, and one shot himself. It's good fun but it can be a bad road. I hate to say it but she's gonna do what she wants to, unless you have a true heart to heart I doubt anything can stop it. Best thing you can do is try to find someone she'll look up to who's totally clean and be there for her. If she slips too far, well, then it might be time for something more drastic.
     
  13. hi pinion

    hi pinion 3/4 ton status

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    I would like to change my first post entirly.If thats ok.

    BUT,,,


    How many people/kids HAVENT had there fun time in high school? Ive known in my life only a few people who havent actually. Drinking /partying.

    I think its expected to some degree these days.

    There are those who can actually focuss on there goals while doing that , there out there, when they are young. (not promoting it in any way)

    I think as long as she isnt messing with the powder type stuff, in any shape or form, ever she should be ok i think? I might change my first post after all,now that i think of it, i remember the people who used to say it was the alchohol and weed ,( and other experimental drugs) ,, that turned into the other real quick.Might have been they got bored, i dont know, WHAT did it to them to do the hard drugs.Stave, id like to change my first post, afterall.

    Get involved. Before its too late.Because some small things can lead into other things, that might destroy her life in the end. And her goals. Id like to change my fisrt post, and say get involved, find out wtf is goin down with your sis, and do everything in your power if she is lacking in school or whatever, get involved. Id even go as far as reporting her if it comes to that,so she can get help, if she needs it, she might thank you for it later too. (sorry man, having to go back to a long time ago, remember my surroundings)

    Steve,,,

    Put the smack down on it all, because thats your SISTER. Spy, get invloved, talk with your guys mom, get it out in the open, mabey dont allow her to hang with those people at all, do not tollerate it, have her drug tested, whether she likes it or not. Step up, MAKE it your buisness.


    Sometimes Tough love is what they need, its what i never had,when i was growing up,, and wished i had in the end,because kids NEED that.To make sure they dont go the wrong way,you have to sometimes force them onto the right track at *ALL* costs.Do counseling for her if she needs it, anything and everything, to the fullest.

    Being a dad myself, now that i look at it if it was MY boys,and THEYwere falling,,,, id have there asses in there room for as long as it took,a month if nesessary, or on house arrest per me,:D with the door locked from the outside,with me on the other end lol :haha: now that i think about it. Whatever it takes,thats what i would do. Even id they dont like it, yep. :D To save there lives, man, yeah, to save them from falling down into the Devils grasp bro. :wink1:


    Get involved.

    Final answer.

    Good luck*


    Jacob***:wink1:
     
    Last edited: Jan 31, 2006
  14. Leper

    Leper 1/2 ton status

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    If you don't have a daughter, you shouldn't even post in here! I cannot believe some of the things you guys are saying. If you can imagine your daughter getting drunk/stoned and being taken advantage of by a bunch of guys at a party, and you are ok with it, don't have any more kids, spare them that.



    I went through/still going through, what you are talking about. The mom needs to step in in a big way. Ignore it, and may God help you. Do whatever you have to do. Check up on her, make sure she is where she is supposed to be, do it by phone and do it by following. The parents should know where she is at all times. If not, you aren't doing anything to help. Make her talk to you. If you catch her in the wrong, make her pay. Ground her, take away phone priveledges, internet priveledges, take away jewelry.Worst case scenario, take all of her nice clothes. That does a lot to a young girl if she only has sweatpants and plain tshirts to wear.
    I could literally type for a couple of days to get my point across. What you can and should and shouldn't do. I will say that if the mom doesn't stand up, you should! But, don't expect the respect of a parent when you are only a few years older. Good luck. Call me if you need anything.
     
  15. hi pinion

    hi pinion 3/4 ton status

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    Exuse me dude, but, kids are kids, none the less. They ALL need guidance from time to time. It dosent matter if its a girl or a boy for that matter.When they get that age, start to buck up and defy authority , and you KNOW they ALL do it at one point, you need to get up and take charge.Boy or girl .Straghten there asses out at all costs.I think the lack of the father thing is playing a *critical* role in all of this right now. She probobly figures ,,,"why not?"

    I forgot to mention a curfew systen should be incorporated into this as whell, if there isnt one. Not to be a butt -head, but it dosent matter if its a girl, or a boy lol, common man,kids are kids, and they all need a helping hand at that age. Or a swift kick in the ass sometimes :haha: either way.

    So they can be upstanding members of soceity,have a killer job, and a killer life.

    Just wanted to state my opinion.
     
  16. Leper

    Leper 1/2 ton status

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    Consider it stated.
     
  17. bigjbear

    bigjbear 1 ton status Staff Member Moderator

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    Actually I have two daughters. I also have 2 sisters & 4 stepsisters. If it was his DAUGHTER and not his sister I would have given him different advice. I stand by my answer; do what you can to keep her childless and of the hard stuff.

    I will add to that; try to get her involved in something like sports, a club, student gov, etc. I know as a H.S. kid the year I was not involved in anything (9th grade) I was at my worst.
     
  18. afroman006

    afroman006 1/2 ton status

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    I dont have kids at all but here's my advice. Deprive her of luxuries, as Leper says. She probably takes for granted how much she gets from your mom, so make her realize it. I'm also for the sit down and talk. One of the best things you can do is provide an example of what not to do. By this I mean someone, beit a black sheep of the family, neighbor whatever but some kind of teenage mother/ burnt out umemployed junky type. Make sure she knows they started out like her. Whatever you do, dont be condescending, that will make her want to kick you in the nuts.

    In case you are wondering I have been where you are, my dad died three years ago and I have a 16 year old sister. She doesnt party at all but gets a major attitude from time to time and my methods are proven effective.
     
  19. Leper

    Leper 1/2 ton status

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    My daughter had a friend OD on heroin. She didn't die, but the werent sure if she would be normal again. She was kinda glad that we had made her stop hanging out with that girl.
     
  20. Z3PR

    Z3PR Banned

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    A 14 Y/o girl will be a 14 Y/O girl. If you try too stop her from "hanging out" with her friends, that will only make her do it more. It's a hard thing too deal with, but there really isn't much you can do about it. Ciggerettes, Alcohol, ...ect. are normal things at that age. You didn't say she's doing drugs, do you think she is involved with that or not ?? If you don't think she is messing with dope, I wouldn't be too worried.
     

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