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Questions about the big D

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by skratch, Mar 31, 2004.

  1. skratch

    skratch 1/2 ton status

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    OK, so this is messed up, but it looks like it might be the path my wife and I are headed down.
    After nine years of nothing but fighting and screaming at each other we may be calling it quits.
    I'm just curious as to what all to look forward to if this fate should befall me. Mostly what can I expect to happen with the kids, cause that's gonna kill me. I could bout care less if I have to deal with my wife ever again, but I can't bear the thought of losing my kids. I'm not worried about my truck since it's already in someone elses name to prevent her from taking it in spite.

    But I just wonderd if some of you that have been through this could enlighten me so that it isn't all a big shock if she decides to go this route.
     
  2. pauly383

    pauly383 Daddy383 Staff Member Moderator

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    I can't say anything for my marriage , which is good. But my parents split when I was 16 years old. Here in AZ the house was sold and mom got the most of that after mortgage was paid. Mom also got her the 88 S-10 Blazer we had , and my sister. I was older and stayed with them both off and on. It is hard on everyone for awhile. If you are good to your kids now, then they will learn to adjust. I am sorry for you, really. My parents have since found their perfect matches and I am actually happy for them now. If you both follow through with this decision try to be civil. My father saw my sisiter whenever he wanted, because he basically just let my mom go. I pray that she doesn't want to relocate though, my buddy sees his son from first wife like once a year. I really wish you luck /forums/images/graemlins/k5.gif
     
  3. chevyfumes

    chevyfumes Court jester

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    Watch for the muzzleflash!
    I'd stick it out go see a marriage councelor and atleast try for the kids sake.... /forums/images/graemlins/whistling.gif
     
  4. Bubba Ray Boudreaux

    Bubba Ray Boudreaux 1 ton status

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    [ QUOTE ]
    I'm just curious as to what all to look forward to if this fate should befall me.

    [/ QUOTE ]

    A vast variety of beaver oil every other weekend.....
     
  5. 350350

    350350 1/2 ton status

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    Always a tough call. If you've seen my posts regarding women before, you probably know my advice...

    However, don't think that Divorce is the end of your relationship with your Wife. You're chained to that problem until, at the very least, your kids are all 18, and probably a lot longer depending on how close your family is. Don't think for a minute that Divorce is the answer to all of your problems.

    I have a really complicated marriage, and my Wife can be the most nurturing, caring person on Earth, then turn around and rip your throat out over (last night's event was literally a small half-full cup of water my son accidentally spilled) nothing. My health is poor and she takes good care of me when I can't do so myself, and then the next day when I'm starting to get back on my feet she'll resume tearing my intestines out through my eyesockets. I know with great certainty, because she has told me so repeatedly, that if I ever tried to divorce her, she would use the children against me and do everything possible to make sure I never saw them again. With my health the way it is, she could probably make a great leap toward that goal.

    So my point is, if you have a Penis, you're already on the raw end of the custody battle. (Plan for at least 20 to 30 Grand for any custody battle at all...) If there are any extenuating circumstances beyond that, like infidelity on either part, health problems, one of you makes a lot of money, etc., your kids will probably be grown before the custody battle is over. NOBODY wins a custody battle. The children ALWAYS lose, and the Lawyers ALWAYS win.

    You're stuck with your Wife for a good many years, whether you live in the same house with her or not. I'd go for separation if I were you, because there's not the legal battle and finality of Divorce, but you can get a custody agreement in place. Just IMHO.

    Good Luck my Friend. May the Force be With You.

    Paul 'X'
     
  6. shewheeler

    shewheeler 1/2 ton status

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    Having never been married, I'm certainly no expert, but I have had the unpleasant experience of watching friends go thru divorce and all of the BS and turmoil that is unavoidable in that situation.

    Of course, when kids are involved, it's going to make things that much more complicated and emotionally draining, but I have a couple of friends who have gone thru divorce and have been able to keep it together for the kid(s) sake. They realized that they needed to remain civil in order to keep their kids from freaking out. They share custody (50/50), no one pays child support and they are week on/week off. It can be done as long as both parties aren't so selfish that they would stoop to using the kids to hurt the other person. They realize that they need to be selfless in this one act for the kids' sake.

    My parent's split when I was about 14 and it really messed me up, but they didn't deal with it very well. IMO people who stay in an unhappy marriage "for the kids" are not doing their kids any favors. They sense tension and pick up on more things than you would imagine. Two happy parents living apart is a far better situation than 2 unhappy parents who can't stand each other living under the same roof.

    Just my $.02. Good luck with whatever is decided /forums/images/graemlins/smile.gif
     
  7. unick

    unick 1/2 ton status

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    Ive never been married but watching what happened with my parents when they split up I can tell you this. Get separate lawyers. My mom screwed my dad over BIG time with child support because they used the same lawyer who was a friend of my moms. Kindof my dads fault for being dumb but look out for it anyway. My mom was cheating on my dad but I didnt figure it out till later because she turned me againt him. So we went through alot of crap because my mom is a bitch. I still love her but I have a GREAT relationship with my dad now and not so much with my mom. Looking back I dont think my dad could have done anything to stop my moms evil plan of turning us against him. He just told us the truth and saw us as much as he could. Now both my parents have found GREAT ppl to marry and have a new life with and I am happy for them. When I go see my mom she still talks crap about my dad but I tell her to shut up because I dont care what she has to say about him. My dad never really said anything bad to us about my mom and when I was grownig up and he still doesnt. My mom is so spiteful and doesnt want us to move near my dad that she actually called my brother Martin's boss and tryed to get him fired so he would have to move away from my dad. She would rather have us in Florida away from both of them than anywhere near my dad. Everytime I talk to her she tryes to talk me out of joining the Border Patrol and moving back to South Texas and tells me she could get me a job in Ohio. So whatever happens dont lie to your kids and sit it out hopefully your wife wont be like my mom.

    Good luck
    Nick
     
  8. fortcollinsram

    fortcollinsram 1/2 ton status

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    Dude you may think I am kidding, but get Dr. Laura's book. I personally know 3 couples that read it and it SAVED their marriage and they are happier than they have EVERY been. I have not ready it, maingly becasue I am only 21 and while my girl and I have talked about gettting married down the road, it is NOT gonna happen right now.

    And listen to her show on the radio...it is pretty amazing...
    How old are your kids? I am most concerned about how a divorce will affect them. My parents got divorced when I was 3, so I don't remember jack squat. My girlfriends parents split when she was 17 she she was mature enough to deal with it. But for kids between the ages of 4 and 14 or so, it can be gut wrenching.

    I wish you the best of luck man.

    Chirs
     
  9. bigyellowjimmy

    bigyellowjimmy 1/2 ton status

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    Ditto on saving your marriage. Of course dont know the circumstances but I do know one thing, its not the kids fault. If you divorce you will be chained to your ex anyway, you just wont be living with her anymore. Where she goes, you will follow if you want to see the kids. Get help now. Go to counseling, its not magic, it wont happen overnight but two people CAN learn to live together in peace. I wish you the best /forums/images/graemlins/thumb.gif
     
  10. Muddytazz

    Muddytazz 1 ton status

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    Mike, if you ever want to talk, you can reach me on your aim. I've been down this road before.....8 yrs ago and yes kids were involved
     

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