Today I stood in the rain on a bridge and watched the rain fall into the river. As the rain fell into the water, each little raindrop would make a little ripple. Each little ripple would start as a small little nothing, and grow into a bigger, more pronounced wave. But as I looked at the river as a whole, every ripple was lost in the surface of the river as the rain came down. So many little ripples made one big mess, so that an individual raindrop was so insignificant that it meant nothing. Even the sounds of the individual raindrops were lost in the downpour. It occured to me then that the river and the rain are a lot like life, that our lives are like raindrops, and the ripples we make are insignificant and lost in the big picture. And I started thinking about what we're here for. What's the point of all this? What am I suppposed to do with what I've got? I'm at the point in my life where it's time for me to start deciding what I want to do with myself. I'm almost through my second semester of college, and I've f*cked around too much and I'll be happy to make it out of my freshman year with 12 credit hours. I think that I lack the will power to do anything with myself and that scares me. The other day, I heard that one of my best friend's mother was talking a lot of sh*t about me, saying how I'm lazy, and spoiled, and I will grow up and live off my family's work. Before then I hadn't really given all this too much thought, but now I'm starting to wonder what I will do with all this. If I don't pull a 2.5GPA this semester, my college funding is cut off. I realize that if I plan on making any decent amount of money in my life, I'll need a college degree, but I don't have the will-power to back that up. As it stands, I want to be a mechanical engineer, but I don't know if I'll be able to do that anymore with the way my grades are. But I'm not sure that that's what I want. I love drawing things and designing things and building things, but I don't want to turn my love into a 9-5 desk job that I absolutely loathe. But I also don't want to be a CPA (no offense to any finance types out there, it's just not my thing) and spend the rest of my years in a back office crunching numbers for a conglomerate I despise. I think I need some sort of guidance and I don't know where to look. I believe in God, and I've prayed to God for help, but it seems to me that I dig myself deeper and deeper and can't seem to make myself stop. I don't really know where I'm going with this, but I am not happy with my life right now and I don't know where to go with it. I'm not sure why I posted all this, but I think I just needed to say it. It's a funny thing, life. And it amazes me how I can infer all this from standing on a bridge watching rain fall into a river.