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Reasons to keep all your eggs in one basket

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by dontoe, Mar 31, 2006.

  1. dontoe

    dontoe 3/4 ton status GMOTM Winner

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    Here are some reasons to keep all your eggs in one basket:

    [​IMG][​IMG]
    [​IMG][​IMG]
    • You have no eggs.
    • You only have one egg.
    • You only have one arm.
    • You need all your eggs, so dropping a basket with only some of your eggs is as bad as dropping a basket with all your eggs.
    • It's a trash basket -- all the eggs belong in the trash because they are already broken or spoiled.
    • Last time you tried multiple baskets you couldn't carry them all and wound up dropping some.
    • Because if you didn't use a basket, they would all fall down and break. You can't just hover eggs in midair!!! I have to tell you this?
    • So you know eggsactly what you have.
    • You only have one basket because ...
      • having only one basket was good enough for your ancestors, so it's good enough for you.
      • Bob Dole told you that having one basket is a sign of a person who understands finances.
      • you make your own baskets and you've only finished one so far.
      • you've been forced to downsize.
      • you keep giving your other baskets to people who only have one and are forced to keep all their eggs in one basket.
      • you never purchase a new basket because ...
        • you keep forgetting to go to the store.
        • feeding all your chickens keeps you too busy to leave your farm (and you need that many chickens because your eggs keep breaking).
        • you are broke (like your eggs).
        • you are too frugal to purchase another basket.
        • you can't pay for the basket -- you can't reach your wallet because it is in your left pocket and your basket is in your left hand.
    • You are in a movie and the script calls for one basket.
    • It looks like one basket is going to be the fad this season.
    • You only have one basket large enough to hold an egg because ...
      • you feed steroids to your chickens.
      • you raise ostriches, not chickens.
      • you think small baskets are so cute.
      • the small baskets were on sale.
    • You are the hen and ...
      • you can't carry a basket.
      • you're hiding the eggs from the farmer.
      • you can't afford a babysitter (eggsitter) so you need to sit on all your eggs.
      • you want a break but you can only afford one babysitter (eggsitter) to sit on your eggs while you are gone.
      • you can keep the eggs whereever you want.
    • You are going to make scrambled eggs anyway.
    • Your baskets are really big and you can only carry one at a time.
    • Because you want to take a picture of all your eggs in one pretty basket.
    • You are pretty sure they won't break.
    • Because you heard that it's bad luck to separate eggs.
    • You are participating in a Psychology experiment, counting the number of times people remind you to 'keep all your eggs in one basket'.
    • Because you just patented a basket that holds eggs without breaking them.
    • Peer pressure. (If they all fit in one basket, and youre really careful, then go ahead, save time, put them in one basket. No one will stop you. Don't be afraid, I do it too.')
    • You are too busy burning your candle at both ends to have time to put your eggs into multiple baskets.
    • You really like that basket and want it to feel needed.
    • You want to show off your eggs and feel that one big basket of eggs is more impressive than several smaller baskets.
    • Because the little chicken that lives in my head told me too.
    • Keeping your basket in your left hand lets you tell your left from your right.
    • The eggs get frightened when separated.
    • Eggs can get very lonely in small groups and if there are less than ten in one basket then there won't even be enough to play five-a-side egg football.
    • You are vertically challenged and the basket won't fall far enough for the eggs to break.
    • Your other baskets are ...
      • saved for an emergency.
      • full.
      • broken.
      • currently being used by your children as toys.
      • being saved for your children to use for eggs when they grow up.
      • a shade of green that clashes with your brown eggs.
      • covered with rusty iron spikes on the inside. (Don't ask why, you don't want to know.)
      • radioactive. (Don't ask why, you really don't want to know.)
      • possessed by the spirit of Frank Perdue, and you're really sick of hearing about how perfect those baskets' eggs are. At least this basket shuts up sometimes.
      • being used to carry milk and other dairy products (and those glass milk bottles keep breaking the eggs).
      • not covered by insurance because ...
        • you can't afford the cracked-shell insurance on more than one basket.
        • if you insure two baskets and drop one then your insurance company will claim that you kept your eggs in the wrong basket and not pay your claim.
      • built to military specifications so you can't use them because ...
        • they are too heavy to carry.
        • the weapon systems fire at eggs automatically.
        • you don't have the necessary permits.
    • You want to keep your other basket empty to hide in when the aliens come.
    • Because it's too hard to separate eggs. A little yoke always gets into the egg white.
    • If they break you'll have quick liquid whole egg.
    • You need the arm strengthening exercise because your doctor told you that your left arm was significantly weaker than your right arm and that could cause something to happen later on in your life.
    • You're rejecting the compartmentalization of femininity in a male-dominated world.
    • You feel important and defiant and like you are in charge of your life when you have all of your eggs in one basket.
    • When Aunt Edna comes in with the goats and you want to keep the eggs from the goats (not to mention Aunt Edna), it is easier to hide one basket than several.
    • It's easier to fill out the insurance claim forms if all your eggs break at once.
    • They're insured twenty times their worth... time for an accident.
    • You feel like egg-drop soup once in a while, anyways.
    • Your basket hasn't learned to share.
    • All your baskets are stacked, one inside the other, with the eggs inside the smallest basket. According to your calculations the cushioning effect will protect your eggs from a drop of up to 215 cm, as long as the wind speed is less than 10 meters per second, the pressure is less than 1020 millibars, the temperature is between minus 10 and 30 degrees Celsius, and the surface has a hardness of less than 6.5 and a slope of less than 30 gradians. You don't carry the baskets without also carrying a portable weather station.
    • You spent $75 on a fire-proof egg basket and you're going to use it.
    • One of the eggs broke and the rest are all stuck together with dried egg white and if you try to separate them they'll probably all break.
    • They're hummingbird eggs, anyway, so they don't take up much space in the basket.
    • You like to live dangerously.
    • When your recipe tells you to seperate egg whites it doesn't say when or how.
    • Your psychic advisor told you only to use the one basket today.
    • Knowing all your eggs might break gives you that 'living on the edge' high.
    • After making your very first basket, you decided that it was just too much work and one basket would have to be enough for all your eggs. (Of course, this cut back on the number of eggs you could have at once, but how many do you really need? They'll all rot eventually, and that's not a pretty sight.)
    • You really like that crooked look of walking with a heavy basket in one arm.
    • You don't like eggs and want them all to break.
    • The basket is permanently glued to the table, so what could possibly happen?
    • It doesn't matter if the eggs break, your chickens will make more.
    • You can't bear to split up such a close family of eggs.
    • Eggs are extremely suicidal and quite often pray for someone to drop them.
    • The eggs have formed an organized government and chosen to lead their way on through an example of democracy.
    • Because the eggs tell me to do it. hahahaHAHAHA! No! Why are you always taunting me, cupboard doors? Why do you threaten to take my candy bar away? Sob.
    • It's in your chickens' labor union contract that you keep all eggs in one basket.
    • It's 45 degrees below zero without figuring in the wind chill factor (Fahrenheit or Celsius - at this point it doesn't matter), it's a 200 yard dash to the house, and you can only hug one basket to your body and still manage to zip up your parka.
    • You want to hold the basket in one arm and use your other arm for ...
      • defense.
      • balance.
      • wrapping around someone special.
      • throwing eggs.
      • painting eggs.
      • juggling (eggs, or possibly something else).
      • holding your chickens (they walk so slowly).
      • holding Humpty Dumpty.
      • holding the `how to ice skate' book you are reading while trying to skate with your eggs.
      • holding the leash for your seeing eye dog.
      • typing these reasons.
      • counting your eggs before they hatch.
        You better put all your eggs in one basket.
        You better count your chickens before they hatch.
        You better sell some wine before its time.
        You better find yourself an itch to scratch.
        Dare To Be Stupid from Dare to be Stupid (1985). `Weird Al' Yankovic [1959-].
    • Because Weird Al tells you to.
    • Because the Psychic Chicken said so!
    • So someone will see you struggling with a heavy basket of eggs and offer to carry it for you, which will allow you to ...
      • do nothing.
      • blame the other person when the basket breaks.
      • trip the other person.
      • juggle with two hands.
    • You prefer the loud, explosive force of a basketful of eggs breaking to a staggered series of quieter, smaller splotches on the passing windshields.
    • It will be easier to fling all your eggs when someone tries to mug you.
    • You want a one-armed person to carry the eggs.
    • Only wimps worry about dropping a basket.
    • You want to keep all your eggs.
      Behold, the fool saith, `Put not all thine eggs in the one basket'--which is but a manner of saying, `Scatter your money and your attention'; but the wise man saith, `Put all your eggs in the one basket and--watch that basket!'
      The Tragedy of Pudd'nhead Wilson, Chapter 15.
      Mark Twain (Samuel Langhorne Clemens) [1835-1910].
      (Really? Who really said it first?)





    • You live in a zero gravity environment and it is hard enough keeping the eggs from floating out of one basket.
    • Green eggs and ham really ought to be put with your tisket and tasket in your green and yellow basket.
    • It's hard hippity-hopping Easter day with 2,000 baskets.
    • If you carry more than one basket at once, people are likely to call you a basket case.
    • You're only allowed one carry-on item on the plane, and it's too long a flight for just one egg.
    • You want to have your other baskets free ...
      • to share with other people.
      • in case you find something you want to pick up.
      • for people to toss money into.
      • for use as a hat.
      • to fill with fake eggs ...
        • so people will be impressed with the tremendous productivity of your hens.
        • to scare people by pretending to drop your eggs when you are really dropping the fake eggs. (Now, which were the fakes?)
        • so you can let your clumsy friends `help' carry the eggs.
        • to confuse those UN solders in their black tanks coming to steal your eggs.
    • You rebel against your mother who told you to never keep all your eggs in one basket.
    • You are a fox left to guard the hen house, and the number of eggs left aren't worth splitting into multiple baskets. (There's barely enough left for a small snack later.)
    • It impresses the babes with that Rebel look.
    • You feel it looks better to have one full basket rather than several mostly empty baskets.
    • You like to perform the trick of swinging baskets over your head fast enough so that the contents don't fall out, and when you have eggs in multiple baskets you can't resist swinging two baskets and they always collide overhead and give you an egg and egg-shell shampoo.
    • Placing more than one basket of eggs on your head will lead to all of the baskets sliding off and smashing eggs into your new carpet.
    • You don't want to attract the attention of thieves who would flock to your door (or window) if it was known that you had lots of baskets of eggs.
    • They're golden eggs, which means they're extremely valuable. (Lloyds insures them.) The golden eggs are in the safe, so they can't be split between two baskets. Besides, you can't afford more golden eggs even if you had another safe (and a basket strong enough to carry it).
    • You like it when your eggs can talk to each other.
    • Teamster rules.
    • You are totally competent and would never stumble, fall, or drop a basket.
    • You are totally incompetent, and you don't want to get egg goo on more than one basket when you drop the eggs.
    • Your eggs are spoiled, and you don't want to have more than one basket contaminated with the stench if the eggs break.
    • You're a fatalist -- the eggs are all going to break anyway.
    • Aunt Clarise gave you that basket, and she'd be really insulted if you didn't use it for all your egg-carrying.
    • Because it's your last day on earth and this may be your only chance to test whether your Grandma was right when she said don't put all your eggs in one basket.
    • It's better than having all your eggs on your face.
    • Your chickens get upset when you use more than one basket.
    • The probability of breakage does not exceed the cost of additional baskets.
    • Because you went to the psychic and she confirmed that it was OK.
    • You don't have any good reason, but you want to keep all your eggs in one basket.
    • There were no boxes left.
    • Today is the Annual All-Your-Eggs Convention; the once a year event where all of your eggs gather in one place to discuss broad topics important to you, your eggs and the home you live in.
    • It's not a basket! It's a Hand-Woven Egg Transportation Device!
    • If you have the time and the will to read through this list you have other things to worry about.
    • So I can put this reason on this web page.
    • Because you can.
     
  2. chevyfumes

    chevyfumes Court jester

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    Not even if I were on riddalin.
     
  3. cbbr

    cbbr 1 ton status GMOTM Winner

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    I'll have to read that on Monday. Sober.:doah:
     
  4. JIM88K5

    JIM88K5 1/2 ton status

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    Couldn't do it...
     
  5. beater_k20

    beater_k20 Banned

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    i just cant bring myself to read it. although i did read part of it.
     
  6. y5mgisi

    y5mgisi 1 ton status

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    somebody tell me... Is it funny?
     
  7. Russell

    Russell LB7 Tahoe Status Premium Member GMOTM Winner

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    I read the first 4 points, and realized they were all the exact same thing said in different ways, and went striaght for the quick reply button :P
     
  8. kyser_soze

    kyser_soze 1/2 ton status

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    This post is useless with/without pics, I eat eggs for breakfast.:D
     
  9. surpip

    surpip 1 ton status

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    spit up peanut butter toast is hard to clean off my keyboard
     
  10. dontoe

    dontoe 3/4 ton status GMOTM Winner

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    'ow about some fresh snail eggs?
    [​IMG]
     
  11. cbbr

    cbbr 1 ton status GMOTM Winner

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    Damn Don, that is nasty. And I was eating coco pebbles....
     
  12. roadnotca

    roadnotca 3/4 ton status

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