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Red Skelton on Marriage

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by mudhog, May 7, 2003.

  1. mudhog

    mudhog THEGAME Staff Member Super Moderator

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    Red Skelton has shared his humor with us for decades. He has done so without four-letter words and raunchy antics. Throughout his career, he gained the respect of his fellow performers and audiences alike, and has always been considered a top entertainer in his field. As we deal with
    our myriad of day-to-day problems, a little levity is a welcome respite in today's world.

    Below are Mr. Skelton's tips for a happy marriage.

    1. Two times a week, we go to nice restaurant, have a little beverage, then comes good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.
    2. We also sleep in separate beds, Hers is in Ontario and mine is in Tucson.
    3. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
    4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. So I suggested the kitchen.
    5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
    6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and an electric bread maker. Then she said, "There are too many gadgets and no place to sit down!" So I bought her an electric chair.
    7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor.
    I asked where the car was, she told me, "In the lake."
    8. She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.
    9. She ran after the garbage truck yelling, " Am I to late for the garbage?" The driver said, "No, jump in."
    10. Remember, marriage is the number one cause of divorce.
    11. Statistically, 100% of all divorces start with marriage.
    12. I married Miss Right, I just didn't know her first name was Always.
    13. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.
    14. The last fight was my fault. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?"

    I said, "Dust."
     
  2. Goober

    Goober 1/2 ton status

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    /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif



    Red Skelton was funny then and now.


    Too bad he's gone. /forums/images/graemlins/frown.gif
     
  3. mudhog

    mudhog THEGAME Staff Member Super Moderator

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    [ QUOTE ]
    /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif



    Red Skelton was funny then and now.


    Too bad he's gone. /forums/images/graemlins/frown.gif




    [/ QUOTE ] i agree wish he was still around /forums/images/graemlins/frown.gif
     
  4. Don

    Don 1/2 ton status

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    /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif Very Very Funny!
     
  5. COCHEV

    COCHEV 1/2 ton status

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    /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif

    any married man can relate to that! Good stuff!
     
  6. Muddytazz

    Muddytazz 1 ton status

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    /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif
     
  7. Chevit

    Chevit 1/2 ton status

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    great one... /forums/images/graemlins/thumb.gif /forums/images/graemlins/thumb.gif /forums/images/graemlins/thumb.gif
     
  8. mountainexplorer

    mountainexplorer 1/2 ton status

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    I always found Red Skelton funny. I have a few of his video tapes that I watch off and on.
     

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