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Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by Resurrection_Joe, Mar 18, 2005.

  1. Resurrection_Joe

    Resurrection_Joe 1 ton status

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    Cheer me up, it'll be fun for you and me
     
  2. justhorsinaround

    justhorsinaround 3/4 ton status

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    Look at the picture of Tommy again. You have any of the South Parks recorded? Three Stooges? McHales Navy? Get Smart? Three's Company? You smilin yet?:crazy:
     
  3. Can Can

    Can Can Pusher Man Staff Member Super Moderator

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    You're offline. How the fock can I be expected to cheer you up???!!!!

    "I CRUSH your head............."
     
  4. justhorsinaround

    justhorsinaround 3/4 ton status

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    No one expects the Spanish Inquisition! dant dant dant da daaaaa
     
  5. Resurrection_Joe

    Resurrection_Joe 1 ton status

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  6. Can Can

    Can Can Pusher Man Staff Member Super Moderator

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    Cheer up, ya' grumpy little focker!!!!

    It's Friday, it's payday, and I have a fresh bottle of vodka at my side. And Queens of the Stoneage just came on the radio.
     
  7. Resurrection_Joe

    Resurrection_Joe 1 ton status

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    No, it seems I got what I wanted

    It's all about balance
     
  8. OrangeCrushK10

    OrangeCrushK10 1/2 ton status

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    hey RJ, want the Cowboy Bebop opening theme?
     
  9. Resurrection_Joe

    Resurrection_Joe 1 ton status

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    Oh phbbbt I have 10 Discs worth of soundtrack

    OST1
    Vitaminless
    No Disc
    Blue
    Future Blues Disc 1
    Future Blues Disc 2
    Box Set Disc 1
    Box Set Disc 2
    Box Set Disc 3
    Box Set Disc 4

    Do YOU need any tracks?
     
  10. OrangeCrushK10

    OrangeCrushK10 1/2 ton status

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    Nice! :D

    Well, ummm.... how about.... **** I've got nothing. All I can think about is Monty Python right now, and I don't know why.

    Then did he raise on high the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch, saying, "Bless this, O Lord, that with it thou mayst blow thine enemies to tiny bits, in thy mercy." And the people did rejoice and did feast upon the lambs and toads and tree-sloths and fruit-bats and orangutans and breakfast cereals ... Now did the Lord say, "First thou pullest the Holy Pin. Then thou must count to three. Three shall be the number of the counting and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither shalt thou count two, excepting that thou then proceedeth to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the number of the counting, be reached, then lobbest thou the Holy Hand Grenade in the direction of thine foe, who, being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it."

    "Alright, then... One, Two, Five-"

    "-Three, sir"

    "Oh, Three!"

    Oh, those British make me laugh.... That's it, Just think of the British, that'll cheer you up!

    Those crazy Limeys....
     
  11. Resurrection_Joe

    Resurrection_Joe 1 ton status

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    Nah, I'm ok now

    Need any bebop though?
     
  12. OrangeCrushK10

    OrangeCrushK10 1/2 ton status

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    Hell ya. My mail is nbeckius at gmail.com

    Load me up!
     
  13. txfiremank5

    txfiremank5 1/2 ton status

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    That's good stuff.. :thumb:

    I love the one where the guy brings the parrot back to the pet store cause it's dead. The shop keeper insists it's alive. The guy takes it and start smashing it on the counter like a judges gavel.. funny stuff.

    and remember, the black knight always triumphs.
     
  14. Resurrection_Joe

    Resurrection_Joe 1 ton status

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    A customer enters a pet shop.

    Mr. Praline:
    'Ello, I wish to register a complaint.

    (The owner does not respond.)

    Mr. Praline: 'Ello, Miss?

    Owner: What do you mean "miss"?

    Mr. Praline: {pause} I'm sorry, I have a cold. I wish to make a complaint!

    Owner: We're closin' for lunch.

    Mr. Praline: Never mind that, my lad. I wish to complain about this parrot what I purchased not half an hour ago from this very boutique.

    Owner: Oh yes, the, uh, the Norwegian Blue...What's,uh...What's wrong with it?

    Mr. Praline: I'll tell you what's wrong with it, my lad. 'E's dead, that's what's wrong with it!

    Owner: No, no, 'e's uh,...he's resting.

    Mr. Praline: Look, matey, I know a dead parrot when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now.

    Owner: No no he's not dead, he's, he's restin'! Remarkable bird, the Norwegian Blue, idn'it, ay? Beautiful plumage!

    Mr. Praline: The plumage don't enter into it. It's stone dead.

    Owner: Nononono, no, no! 'E's resting!

    Mr. Praline: All right then, if he's restin', I'll wake him up! (shouting at the cage) 'Ello, Mister Polly Parrot! I've got a lovely fresh cuttle fish for you if you show...

    (owner hits the cage)

    Owner: There, he moved!

    Mr. Praline: No, he didn't, that was you hitting the cage!

    Owner: I never!!

    Mr. Praline: Yes, you did!

    Owner: I never, never did anything...

    Mr. Praline: (yelling and hitting the cage repeatedly) 'ELLO POLLY!!!!! Testing! Testing! Testing! Testing! This is your nine o'clock alarm call!

    (Takes parrot out of the cage and thumps its head on the counter. Throws it up in the air and watches it plummet to the floor.)

    Mr. Praline: Now that's what I call a dead parrot.

    Owner: No, no.....No, 'e's stunned!

    Mr. Praline: STUNNED?!?

    Owner: Yeah! You stunned him, just as he was wakin' up! Norwegian Blues stun easily, major.

    Mr. Praline: Um...now look...now look, mate, I've definitely 'ad enough of this. That parrot is definitely deceased, and when I purchased it not 'alf an hour ago, you assured me that its total lack of movement was due to it bein' tired and shagged out following a prolonged squawk.

    Owner: Well, he's...he's, ah...probably pining for the fjords.

    Mr. Praline: PININ' for the FJORDS?!?!?!? What kind of talk is that?, look, why did he fall flat on his back the moment I got 'im home?

    Owner: The Norwegian Blue prefers keepin' on it's back! Remarkable bird, id'nit, squire? Lovely plumage!

    Mr. Praline: Look, I took the liberty of examining that parrot when I got it home, and I discovered the only reason that it had been sitting on its perch in the first place was that it had been NAILED there.

    (pause)

    Owner: Well, o'course it was nailed there! If I hadn't nailed that bird down, it would have nuzzled up to those bars, bent 'em apart with its beak, and VOOM! Feeweeweewee!

    Mr. Praline: "VOOM"?!? Mate, this bird wouldn't "voom" if you put four million volts through it! 'E's bleedin' demised!

    Owner: No no! 'E's pining!

    Mr. Praline: 'E's not pinin'! 'E's passed on! This parrot is no more! He has ceased to be! 'E's expired and gone to meet 'is maker! 'E's a stiff! Bereft of life, 'e rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed 'im to the perch 'e'd be pushing up the daisies! 'Is metabolic processes are now 'istory! 'E's off the twig! 'E's kicked the bucket, 'e's shuffled off 'is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisibile!! THIS IS AN EX-PARROT!!

    (pause)

    Owner: Well, I'd better replace it, then. (he takes a quick peek behind the counter) Sorry squire, I've had a look 'round the back of the shop, and uh, we're right out of parrots.

    Mr. Praline: I see. I see, I get the picture.

    Owner: {pause} I got a slug.

    (pause)

    Mr. Praline: (sweet as sugar) Pray, does it talk?

    Owner: Nnnnot really.

    Mr. Praline: WELL IT'S HARDLY A BLOODY REPLACEMENT, IS IT?!!???!!?

    Owner: Look, if you go to my brother's pet shop in Bolton, he'll replace the parrot for you.

    Mr. Praline: Bolton, eh? Very well.

    (The customer leaves.)

    (The customer enters the same pet shop. The owner is putting on a false moustache.)

    Mr. Praline: This is Bolton, is it?

    Owner: (with a fake mustache) No, it's Ipswitch.

    Mr. Praline: (looking at the camera) That's inter-city rail for you.

    (Mr Praine goes to the train station. He addresses a man standing behind a desk marked "Complaints".)

    Mr. Praline: I wish to complain, British-Railways Person.

    Attendant: I DON'T HAVE TO DO THIS JOB, YOU KNOW!!!

    Mr. Praline: I beg your pardon...?

    Attendant: I'm a qualified brain surgeon! I only do this job because I like being my own boss!

    Mr. Praline: Excuse me, this is irrelevant, isn't it?

    Attendant: Yeah, well it's not easy to pad these python files out to 150 lines, you know.

    Mr. Praline: Well, I wish to complain. I got on the Bolton train and found myself deposited here in Ipswitch.

    Attendant: No, this is Bolton.

    Mr. Praline: (to the camera) The pet shop man's brother was lying!!

    Attendant: Can't blame British Rail for that.

    Mr. Praline: In that case, I shall return to the pet shop!

    He does.

    Mr. Praline: I understand this IS Bolton.

    Owner: (still with the fake mustache) Yes?

    Mr. Praline: You told me it was Ipswitch!

    Owner: ...It was a pun.

    Mr. Praline: (pause) A PUN?!?

    Owner: No, no...not a pun...What's that thing that spells the same backwards as forwards?

    Mr. Praline: (Long pause) A palindrome...?

    Owner: Yeah, that's it!

    Mr. Praline: It's not a palindrome! The palindrome of "Bolton" would be "Notlob"!! It don't work!!

    Owner: Well, what do you want?


    Mr. Praline: Well.

    (pause)

    Owner: (quietly) D'you.... d'you want to come back to my place?

    Mr. Praline: (looks around) Yeah, all right, sure.
     
  15. OrangeCrushK10

    OrangeCrushK10 1/2 ton status

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    I used to have the MPEG of that on my Computer. Friggin' hilarious! I also had...


    "OOOOOOH, I'm a Lumberjack and I'm okay!..."

    Come-on, everybody sing with me! :D

    "I sleep all night and I work all day!"
     
  16. Shaggy

    Shaggy 3/4 ton status

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    Chores?:D
     
  17. Resurrection_Joe

    Resurrection_Joe 1 ton status

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    Phbbbbbtbtgawhahahahahahahahaha

    "Ahhh the heat, the sweat on your brow, a pitcher of lemonade, a shovel and rake....?"
     
  18. chevyfumes

    chevyfumes Court jester

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    Watch for the muzzleflash!
    Touch your right nipple and repeat after me..."MILK" touch your left nipple and repeat after me..."MILK", now point to your peepee and say "LEMONAIDE", now point to yor butt and say... "IN THE REAR IS WHERE THE FUDGE IS MADE"....My work here is done....:whistle:
     
  19. beater_k20

    beater_k20 Banned

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    are we forgetting what REAL happiness is? THE PARTS WHORE IS GONE! :D
     
  20. justhorsinaround

    justhorsinaround 3/4 ton status

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    Ko now that cheered me up. Likin this whole happiness thread thang.
     

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