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Santa gets Honest

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by Jeremy_C, Dec 14, 2005.

  1. Jeremy_C

    Jeremy_C 1/2 ton status

    Joined:
    Mar 26, 2002
    Posts:
    1,381
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    Location:
    East TN
    deer santa:
    I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy all yeer.
    Yer Frend,
    BiLLy

    Dear Billy,
    Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care. How about I send you
    a frigging book so you can learn to read and write? I'm giving your older
    brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell!
    Santa

    __________________________________________________ ____________
    Dear Santa,
    I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and joy
    in the world for everybody!
    Love,
    Sarah

    Dear Sarah,
    Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?
    Santa

    __________________________________________________ ____________
    Dear Santa,
    I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my mommy and
    daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do.
    Love,
    Teddy

    Dear Teddy,
    Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a hurricane. Do
    you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your frigid, fat mom, who
    rides his ass constantly? It's time to give up that dream. Let me get you some
    nice Legos instead. Maybe you can build yourself a family with those?
    Santa

    __________________________________________________ ____________
    Dear Santa,
    I want a new bike, a Playstation, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a drum kit, a
    pony and a tuba.
    Love,
    Francis

    Dear Francis,
    Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays? I bet you're gay.
    Santa

    __________________________________________________ ____________
    Dear Santa,
    I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for your
    reindeer outside the back door.
    Love,
    Susan

    Dear Susan,
    Milk gives me the ****s and carrots make the deer fart in my face when riding in
    the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Two words, Jim Beam.
    Santa

    __________________________________________________ ____________
    Dear Santa,
    What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making toys?
    Your friend,
    Thomas

    Dear Thomas,
    All the toys are made by little kids like you in China Every year I give them a
    slice of bread as a Christmas bonus. I have a condo in Vegas, where I spend most
    of my time making low-budget porno films. I unwind by drinking myself silly and
    squeezing the asses of cocktail waitresses while losing money at the craps
    table.
    Santa
    P.S.
    Tell your mom she got the part.

    __________________________________________________ ____________
    Dear Santa,
    Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're awake, like in
    the song?
    Love,
    Jessica

    Dear Jessica,
    Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do. I'm skipping your
    house.
    Santa

    __________________________________________________ ____________
    Dear Santa,
    I really really want a puppy this year. Please please please PLEASE PLEASE could
    I have one?
    Timmy
    Timmy,
    That whiney begging **** may work with your folks, but that crap doesn't work
    with me. You're getting an ugly sweater again.
    Santa

    __________________________________________________ ____________
    Dearest Santa,
    We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home?
    Love,
    Marky

    Mark,
    First, stop calling yourself "Marky", that's why you're getting your
    ass kicked at school. Second, you don't live in a house, you live in a low-rent,
    ghetto apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just like all the
    burglars do, through your bedroom window.
    Sweet Dreams,
    Santa





    MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!! :D
     
  2. Leper

    Leper 1/2 ton status

    Joined:
    Feb 18, 2005
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    Location:
    Dallas Baby!!!!
    Wrong.....so wrong.
     
  3. cbbr

    cbbr 1 ton status GMOTM Winner

    Joined:
    Jul 17, 2004
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    Location:
    High velocity, Low altitude
    :haha: :rotfl: :haha: :rotfl: :haha: I love it. :waytogo:
     
  4. kyser_soze

    kyser_soze 1/2 ton status

    Joined:
    Sep 4, 2004
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    Location:
    KC Missouri
    Has Dennis Leary been dressin up as Santa again?

    :haha: :haha: :haha: :haha: :haha:
     

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