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Santa is not a guy...LOL

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by NoSmog73, Dec 15, 2002.

  1. NoSmog73

    NoSmog73 1/2 ton status

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    The wife gave me this...What a ??????

    *Santa - a Guy?*

    I think Santa Claus is a woman....

    I hate to be the one to defy myth, but I believe he's a she.

    Think about it. Christmas is a big, organized, warm, fuzzy, nurturing
    social deal, and I have a tough time believing a guy could possibly pull
    it all off!

    For starters, the vast majority of men don't even think about selecting
    gifts until Christmas Eve. It's as if they are all frozen in some kind
    of Ebenezerian Time Warp until 3 p.m. on Dec. 24th, when they--with
    amazing calm--call other errant men and plan for a last-minute shopping
    spree.

    Once at the mall, they always seem surprised to find only Ronco
    products, socket wrench sets, and mood rings left on the shelves. (You
    might think this would send them into a fit of panic and guilt, but my
    husband tells me it's an enormous relief because it lessens the 11th
    hour decision-making burden.) On this count alone, I'm convinced Santa
    is a woman.

    Surely, if he were a man, everyone in the universe would wake up
    Christmas morning to find a rotating musical Chia Pet under the tree,
    still in the bag.

    Another problem for a he-Santa would be getting there. First of all,
    there would be no reindeer because they would all be strapped on to the
    rear bumper of the sleigh, amid wide-eyed, desperate claims that buck
    season had been extended. Blitzen's rack would already be on the way to
    the taxidermist.

    Even if the male Santa DID have reindeer, he'd still have transportation
    problems because he would inevitably get lost up there in the snow and
    clouds and then refuse to stop and ask for directions.

    Add to this the fact that there would be unavoidable delays in the
    chimney, where the Bob Vila-like Santa would stop to inspect and repoint
    bricks in the flue. He would also need to check for carbon monoxide
    fumes in every gas fireplace, and get under every Christmas tree that is
    crooked to straighten it to a perfectly upright 90-degree angle.

    Other reasons why Santa can't possibly be a man:
    ~ Men can't pack a bag.
    ~ Men would rather be dead than caught wearing red velvet.
    ~ Men would feel their masculinity is threatened, having to be seen with
    all those elves.
    ~ Men don't answer their mail.
    ~ Men would refuse to allow their physique to be described even in jest
    as anything remotely resembling a "bowlful of jelly."
    ~ Men aren't interested in stockings unless somebody's wearing them.
    ~ Finally, being responsible for Christmas would require a commitment.

    I can buy the fact that other mythical holiday characters are men.
    Father Time shows up once a year unshaven and looking ominous. Definite
    guy. Cupid flies around carrying weapons. Uncle Sam is a politician
    who likes to point fingers. Any one of these individuals could pass the
    testosterone screening test. But not St. Nick.

    Not a chance.
     
  2. ChevyDrivnRdneck

    ChevyDrivnRdneck 1/2 ton status

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    If Santa was a she.............SHE wouldn't be ready to go until February!!!!! /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif
     
  3. vdubbin86

    vdubbin86 Registered Member

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    If Santa was a she. Nobody would get any presents. We'd all be on her bad list for forever for the "bowl full of jelly" comment. /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif
     
  4. Leadfoot

    Leadfoot 1/2 ton status Premium Member

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    </font><blockquote><font class="small">In reply to:</font><hr />
    If Santa was a she.............SHE wouldn't be ready to go until February!!!

    [/ QUOTE ]

    Santa MUST be a woman!
    Haven't you ever heard of Christmas in July......
    That is actually when Christmas is, but by the time SHE gets dressed, does her hair, and finishes shopping at the mall......it's already 6 months later....... /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif
     
  5. ChevyDrivnRdneck

    ChevyDrivnRdneck 1/2 ton status

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    </font><blockquote><font class="small">In reply to:</font><hr />
    Santa MUST be a woman!
    Haven't you ever heard of Christmas in July......
    That is actually when Christmas is, but by the time SHE gets dressed, does her hair, and finishes shopping at the mall......it's already 6 months later.......

    [/ QUOTE ] BWWWAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!! /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif
     

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