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Separating

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by MTBLAZER89, Nov 5, 2004.

  1. MTBLAZER89

    MTBLAZER89 3/4 ton status Premium Member GMOTM Winner

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    ..with my wife for a while /forums/images/graemlins/frown.gif We are living together, but not.) Very hard to expalin a lot of [censored] goin on just need to type something. We are trying this for the kids over a divorce which neither of us want. It hurts man thats all i know. Anybody actually do this with any success, or is it inevitable (sp)? Maybe type more tomorrow just wanted to let some out....I have nobody else to talk to. /forums/images/graemlins/confused.gif /forums/images/graemlins/frown.gif
     
  2. duece21

    duece21 1/2 ton status

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    Hang in there man, sometimes it's a good thing because it allows you to step back from one another and relize how much you really need that other person. It may be bad now but this may bring you closer. Try not to fight over the little things
     
  3. bigyellowjimmy

    bigyellowjimmy 1/2 ton status

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    [ QUOTE ]
    We are trying this for the kids over a divorce which neither of us want.

    [/ QUOTE ]

    Keep on trying! Definately find a good marriage counselor and go weekly. There are many couples going through the same thing and there are many success stories. Forgive, dont fight over petty things, be honest and get help.

    Feel free to PM me if you ever what to talk. We are all pulling for you!
     
  4. SHAWNSTER

    SHAWNSTER 1/2 ton status

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    i would try to stay as long as you can-I am in the process of maybe looking for an apartment for my wife and daughter-ever since our daughter was born 7 months ago, she started fighting with me 100% more than we did before-we have been together for 7 years and enough is enough-she wants to leave too though so-we have tried to work it out and then the next time its 10 times worse- f ing women
     
  5. Bubba Ray Boudreaux

    Bubba Ray Boudreaux 1 ton status

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    You've got PM...........
     
  6. nvrenuf

    nvrenuf NONE shall pass! Premium Member

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    Hang in there man and get the counseling.

    Like previously stated... if you need to talk feel free to PM me (even if you just need to talk about something/anything else).
     
  7. sickquad

    sickquad 1/2 ton status

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    There are always people here to listen. All with our own personal experiences to help you with. Kids are so important, you're a good man.
     
  8. BranndonC

    BranndonC 3/4 ton status

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    wow brian, this comes as a shock to me... wow... if you need anything you should have my # somewhere, call me any time. i hope you 2 can work it out. for the kids, sometimes when my fiance and i are apart for a short time, it makes us realize what we love about eachother and miss eachother and it helps us get closer. That and hanging out with my brother. lol he's the opposite of me, so when ever were over there, and we leave, Brianne tells me the whole way home how much she loves me.
    I hope you 2 can work it out. Good Luck.
     
  9. Desert Rat

    Desert Rat Fetch the comfy chair

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    Not to be blunt but I have a lot of friends who have gone through this and one piece of advice. If either one of you does the nasty with somebody else while you are separated, even if you get back together it will never be the same, nor probably last. Unless you've been doing the nasty all along with somebody else and that is the root of the problem. If she hasn't before, and does, you will never look at her the same way again.
     
  10. MTBLAZER89

    MTBLAZER89 3/4 ton status Premium Member GMOTM Winner

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    Well it is the next day and I'm doing ok. Thanks for all the support. We are working on it still and it is gonna be hard. The summary of what is going on is she had a baby at 16-17 with her boyfriend. She did it all by herself for awhile. We met when she was 18 and dated for almost 2 years then got married. Been married for 3 1/2 years now. I am sort of a homebody and never really asked to do too much away and she always wanted me to be around. Well now she is realizing she never got to go out and party like I did when she was younger. It is not a sex issue or cheating issue just a freedom to go out. She wants to I want to. She has apologized for always wanting me to stay in thats how her ex was with her. Now she wants us to be able to go here or there without the other with no fighting. The fighting started because she wanted to do it, but didn't express it so she would lie say she was runnin somewhere for a bit then stay out. I have no issues with her being without me and she has none with me it is more the lying and being cooped up together for too long I think with no alone time. Now we are able to take time for ourselves with no fighting. We have agreed on being honest and had a huge long talk last night...lots of crying and hugging, but good crying. We both felt better in the end, and I hope it continues to get better. I think it will work in the long run at least I hope. Anyway that was prolly like the longest run on sentence ever. Thanks for all the support everybody /forums/images/graemlins/waytogo.gif /forums/images/graemlins/peace.gif
     
  11. scrappyk5

    scrappyk5 1/2 ton status

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    well is sounds like to me, that hse has missed out on her
    partying days. she has been a responsible adult since she was 16-17 , and she has missed soo much. thats why people should wait till they are in their mid twenties before they decide to settle down.
    my advise is to see if she wants to go our and party with you or without you. then you decide.
    i will say this though , i garentee she has friends wanting her to go out and party.

    as far as seperating , its good. but in my case , my
    ex-wife and i tried 3 times to seperate and get back together. it never helped. but it is best for the kids not to see you fight.
    good luck i hope the best for you.
     
  12. bigyellowjimmy

    bigyellowjimmy 1/2 ton status

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    What you are going through is not uncommon and very normal. Sounds like you both love one another and want to be together. Also sounds like neither enjoys fighting and this can be worked out through marriage counseling. Just like going to the MD when we are sick, marriage counseling is a normal part of life for many of us. Go do a little marriage maintenance at counseling and begin to enjoy one another more and more once again. /forums/images/graemlins/thumb.gif
     
  13. js4x4

    js4x4 1/2 ton status

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    [ QUOTE ]
    Definately find a good marriage counselor

    [/ QUOTE ]

    I highly recommend this also. Sometimes it takes a non partisan 'outsider' to get you back on track. If you didn't love one another it wouldn't be worth saving IMO, but if you both do then its worth fighting for any way you can. It can help you both be more understanding to the others needs/wants. Just try not to build up any resentment toward one another, cuz it just snowballs. (and we all keep score, which adds to the fire) G/L and wish i knew a good counselor in your area to recommend.
     
  14. MTBLAZER89

    MTBLAZER89 3/4 ton status Premium Member GMOTM Winner

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    edit....too much to drink last night lol /forums/images/graemlins/whistling.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif
     
  15. tRustyK5

    tRustyK5 Big meanie Staff Member Super Moderator GMOTM Winner Author

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    I suspect most relationships go through that stage. I know my wife and I went through the exact same thing...

    It took a while to each develop and explore seperate interests, yet we're much better for it. We may not do a lot of things together, yet when we are together we have a ton to talk about...so our time together is better. Doing seperate things makes us more interesting to each other, as well as to ourselves.

    We do plan and do stuff as a family as well, and a lot of nights we'll be homebodies too...

    Rene
     
  16. BurbLover

    BurbLover 1/2 ton status

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    I FEEL YOUR PAIN!!!

    My wife and I just seperated this past Sunday after 3 1/2 years. Lots of issues, but we beleive it to be the best alternative. Our goal is to remain as close as friends as we were to start with. SO far it definately seems possible. We sat down & discussed how everything would be divided and concluded that we both wanted to ensure neither was getting screwed by the other. We actually argued over who was gonna get stuff, not keep it. Anyway, we both won't rule out getting back together some day, just not now. Just hold true to what you beleive to be the right decision and go forward. Best of luck & I'm here for you brother.

    Maybe we should start a "Support Group" forum for us guys /forums/images/graemlins/smile.gif
     
  17. JDBlazer454

    JDBlazer454 1/2 ton status

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    I know how that feels and I also know how it feels to work things out and get back together. My husband and me seperated 5 years ago over a similar problem (married at 18 with a baby just 4 months later) and some worse ones. We spent 4 months apart, it was the hardest 4 months of my life feeling like part of me was missing. After a lonely Christmas and New Years we talked things out and agreed to some counseling. We didn't move back in together until the counseling was almost over. We also agreed to never bring up any past problems after we sorted through them at counseling and to start fresh with each other. Our marriage is now better because of it and we are a stronger more trusting couple then ever before. He now allows me to go out with my coworkers and vice versa with no trust issue's. We both have opposite sex friends (which when we first got married we both questioned) and there isn't any problem with it.

    Hang in there and if you want it to work out it will just be patient and give it time. I wish the best for you and her /forums/images/graemlins/smile.gif
     

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