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Serious Poll: Parenting Questions: Wives Too Please...

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by 350350, Jul 18, 2004.

  1. 350350

    350350 1/2 ton status

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    /forums/images/graemlins/waytogo.gif Stayed up late with The Boy last night to celebrate the first running of the LT1 in several months. (Watch for an update of that post later today after I work on the car more this afternoon...) /forums/images/graemlins/peace.gif

    /forums/images/graemlins/deal.gif Wife and I have also arguing about the 'Family Bed' situation. A hot topic I know, but we've always had a 'Family Bed', meaning that She and I, Three Beagles (who sleep on a shelf off the side of the king size bed), my nearly 4 year old Son, and Baby Girl (who mostly sleeps in the crib next to the bed) all sleep in one room. This was great when it was just The Boy and he slept in the crib, but it's way out of hand now and somebody is always awake, stirring, rolling over on someone, it's just time that everyone has their own bed. My Wife disagrees and won't give up the Family Bed. /forums/images/graemlins/deal.gif

    /forums/images/graemlins/k5.gif The Boy has his own bedroom with cool bunkbeds, and he even liked them for a long time, and it's a very long story, but it wouldn't take much to get him to sleep on his own again. /forums/images/graemlins/k5.gif

    /forums/images/graemlins/blush.gif Baby Girl's room is next to our bedroom and I feel that she's old enough now (10 months old) that she could easily sleep in the crib in her own room, so we don't end up in this mess when she's 4. /forums/images/graemlins/blush.gif

    /forums/images/graemlins/weld.gif The Wife can have the master bedroom and the king size bed. /forums/images/graemlins/weld.gif

    /forums/images/graemlins/screwy.gif I'll rotate from The Boy's empty bunk to the guest bedroom to the master bedroom depending on which bed has bedding on it and how difficult my Wife is being on any particular day or how much I need to hide away from the chaos to get some real sleep... (Guest bed is downstairs and quite secluded, dark, quiet, and cool.) /forums/images/graemlins/screwy.gif

    /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif The dogs will mostly sleep with The Boy, but will wander about and might make their way to wherever I'm sleeping sometime during the night. /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif

    /forums/images/graemlins/shame.gif So, at /forums/images/graemlins/doah.gif my WIFE's COMMAND, /forums/images/graemlins/doah.gif believe it or not, I've been ordered to post a poll to see how many people find it appropriate to let a 4 year old child stay up until midnight once in a blue moon, and another poll to see how many people have a family bed and how many people have separate rooms/beds for each family member. /forums/images/graemlins/shame.gif

    /forums/images/graemlins/yikes.gif So it's anonymous of course, but please feel free to comment. But please no angry or hateful comments. I know the 'Family Bed' issue is a hot topic in the parenting realm, and people will fight fiercely on the issue. I don't want to start a war over it, or even debate it for that matter. And if anyone here quotes Dr. Phil on anything, I'll hunt you down and beat you about the head and kidneys with a D70 5.13 pinion gear. A NEW pinion gear, not a high mileage one with some amount of smooth tooth wear at that!!! (Just a personal call here, but mark my words, Dr. Phil is quite possibly the Spawn of Satan, and he will go down like Limbaugh did, drugs, hookers, child mollesting, something awful. Again, please feel free to disagree with me, just no flame wars please.) /forums/images/graemlins/yikes.gif

    /forums/images/graemlins/woot.gif There are studies that show positive and negative on both sides of any issue you want to debate, so I'm just asking about your personal home situation and possibly why you choose to have your home setup the way you do. Please Please if you feel so strongly about either issue that you can't reply without flaming or replying constructively just pass on this one. /forums/images/graemlins/woot.gif

    /forums/images/graemlins/ears.gif So here goes... /forums/images/graemlins/ears.gif
     
  2. mtn. burb

    mtn. burb 1/2 ton status

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    Before we had children I had 4 theories on child raising.
    Now we have 4 children and I no longer have any theories.

    Only my opinion and our experience, we had the children in a basonet in the room when they came home from the hospital. They quickly advanced to a crib in their own room.
    We have never encouraged the family bed concept. I voted the children are welcome to sleep in the bedroom on specific occasions to comfort them after a scary dream,
    or recently a fear of aliens. [​IMG]
    Thanks to my oldest son!
    [​IMG]

    We keep our own bed,as much as we can, to ourselves.
    [​IMG]

    The children, however, will recieve comfort by prayer or setting up blankets on the floor to sleep in our room if they are troubled. However, last night our 3 yr. old girl DID sleep in our bed because she woke up in her bed as we were retiring for the night. An exception.
    My op only,:my wife stays home with the 3 lads and baby girl,we need our own space at night. A family bed with beagles and two children seems as though it would prevent estful sleep.[​IMG]

    Love'em and hug'em, an establish their independence by acclamating them to their own bedroom.

    Summary. Your wife has an "issue" regarding her insistence on the family bed. It's time for each child to have their own room at night. Make it a nice process through bedtime reading and bedtime prayers. It may take a while, but I vote no family bed.

    [​IMG]
     
  3. uglychevyZZ4

    uglychevyZZ4 3/4 ton status

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    staying up late with dad is great interaction, we do it all the time...
    sleep topic
    Ive seen that situation so many times and always the same result, never ever different, same outcome everytime.
    Kids need thier own space just like you, they just dont know it. it is where they become themselves and find thier own sense of security and learn thier own confidence PERIOD. If you deny them that experience then they will always need help adjusting, and plus they just PLAIN WANT to sleep there, needs to end, for thier sake and your sanity.
    we have 3 boys and a girl. when we met I had 2 boys she had one. he was then 2, now almost 6 and a mommas boy babied and slept in her bed, TILL WE MET /forums/images/graemlins/wink.gif to this day 3 years later he has trouble thinking on his own, and still insists we wipe_his_ass for him, its a constand battle for him to think on his own, dosent sound that bad right? well hes now almost 6 and his 1-1/2 year old baby sister dresses herself /forums/images/graemlins/doah.gif consiquently she is the only child of mine i didnt rock to sleep at night, I laid her down in her crib and said "nighty night" and left the room, she is extremely independant /forums/images/graemlins/waytogo.gif she is now 1-1/2 and is already in a bed, she climbs in it on her own, she was taught to comfort herself first and come to us next when needed, very happy baby.
    Yes at first they will wail for hours and raise cain, but after a day or 3 of resistance they will come around and all will be fine. Im not bringing any moral opinions in this, just think they are being robbed of the opportunity to learn to comfort and teach themselves, and you my friend are being robbed of very precious interaction with your wife and thats not fair, put yer foot down /forums/images/graemlins/shame.gif
    let us know how it works out, mine didnt come with instructions either /forums/images/graemlins/thumb.gif /forums/images/graemlins/thumb.gif /forums/images/graemlins/thumb.gif
    Rob
     
  4. stallion85

    stallion85 1/2 ton status

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    I have some experience with this and know what you are going through. i have a 2yr old son and a 4 mos old daughter. When my son went from his crib to a real bed, it was just such a PITA to get him to sleep without the restriction of the crib. We would lay down with him and listen to the screaming and fighting with him to go to sleep. It literaly took at least an hour everynight. After a while we both gave up and started to let him sleep with us to save our sanity.

    I now despise it!! I love my son and like being close with him but it is tough on my wife and my relationship. When you have a 2yr old sleeping between you and your wife it takes away from bonding between the 2 of you. We realize that it is not a good practice, we have our 4 mos. sleeping in her own crib in her own room. We are currently trying to phase him back to his room.

    I say break up the family bed and start doing everyone a favor. I can't imagine all those bodies in one bed /forums/images/graemlins/yikes.gif I can't get any sleep with my 2 yr old kicking me in the head in a king size /forums/images/graemlins/blush.gif I feel for you man. Tell the wife that you sincerely feel it is a problem and see if you can compromise a situation. /forums/images/graemlins/pimp1.gif
     
  5. newyorkin

    newyorkin 1 ton status

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    We used to have a pretty similar situation, but mostly because we only had a 1 bedroom apartment. With a house and each thier own rooms, it's gottten a little easier to break up.

    My daughter stayed in our bed until my wife was pregnant with my son (about 1 year), then she got booted and dealt with it... But as a result of my wife always putting her to bed by laying down with her, she STILL (at 5) does not go to sleep until at least an hour after she goes to bed. This is the major issue we're working on right now. She usually gets up an hour after she lays down and says she has to poop (she knows, how can you deny a kid the right to poop?).

    Now my son, 4, stayed in our bed prolly til he was 2, but sneaks into our bed around 3 am every night. We're trying to break this habit, but it's slow going. He, btw, is out before his head hits the pillow.

    Bedtime in our house, on paper, is 8:30. In reality, we probably get them down by 9:00 on a good night, but it can flux from 8:30 to 10...

    I voted break up the family bed. It's great, but I think it weakens structure. Not to mention, they don't exacly make the bed any more private.
     
  6. shewheeler

    shewheeler 1/2 ton status

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    I may be out of line here due to the fact that I don't have any kids of my own. However, most of my friends have kids and I have nieces and nephews. I have seen kids who have this type of sleeping arrangement and I agree with whoever had previously posted (Rob?) that it creates insecure children. I think when I was a little kid and had a bad dream and ended up in the parents' bed, I was quickly escorted back to my own bedroom for whatever comforting I needed to get me back to sleep.

    Another thing that no one has mentioned is that when you have this type of thing going on, it makes it really difficult for anyone else to babysit. As an example, my youngest nephew could not go to sleep unless his had "nana" and momma rocked him to sleep /forums/images/graemlins/doah.gif This made it impossible for anyone but momma to get him to sleep and it was heartbreaking to see this little kid crying for "nana, momma" and just having to sit by and try to comfort him the best you could.

    For what it's worth, my opinion is that once they are sleeping thru the night, they should be encouraged to sleep in their own room.

    Good luck!
     
  7. MTBLAZER89

    MTBLAZER89 3/4 ton status GMOTM Winner

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    Yeah I think staying up late is cool, and my 5 yr old gets to do it on occasion. It's a treat for him so he works for it. Camping he always stays up late as long as the adults are semi behaving /forums/images/graemlins/deal.gif He aslo takes naps at 5 yrs old but he is very active and is a wreck without one /forums/images/graemlins/angryfire.gif

    My 5 yr old was in his own room at 1, but always alowwed to come into our room at night if he needed. My 1 yr old is still in our room, but that is due to lack of of bedrooms. he sleeps through the night in his own crib though. He is a bed hog, and wil not allow anybody else to sleep until he is comfy /forums/images/graemlins/dunno.gif I think children having their own room is good for them and their security. Both of my kids are great at bedtime even the baby just lays down and goes to sleep, and I can't remember the last time my 5 yr old even woke up at night.

    Good luck I hope you get your bed back /forums/images/graemlins/waytogo.gif
     
  8. Twiz

    Twiz 1/2 ton status

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    I'm falling in line with everyone else.
    When I first got mine, I let her sleep in the bed with me. Untill she started getting between me and the wall. She'd straightn' out her legs and push me clean off the bed.
    Figured' we had just about enough of that.
    So, I got her her own bed and eased her into it. Little bit at a time. Eventualy, the night came when I'd put her in her own bed for the night. -Ohhh..she cried, whined, carried on. I'd just throw a pillow at her and tell her to shut-up ! Well... that'd make her quiet down for a little bit - but she would start right back up again - just as I was falling asleep. So, I ended up dragging her little butt right-up out of bed and tossed her outside for the night.
    The next night, we did the samething all over again, but this time - Not a peep out of her. Not a whimper or a whine.. nothing. /forums/images/graemlins/woot.gif
    Now.. she goes right into her crate all by herself, sitts pretty and waits for her "Atta girl".
    And when the seccond one came around - we started her in the crate, right off the bat. No problems at all. As a matter of fact, it's her little "safe place". Thunder and lightning storms, fire crackers, the mean little neighbor girl. Anything that spooks her - she heads straight for her bed.
    Best thing I've ever done for 'em.

    /forums/images/graemlins/wink.gif
     
  9. speedyvision917

    speedyvision917 1/2 ton status

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    i thought id give my 2cents and a non parent point of veiw. now im only 16 and this is the first time i have ever herd of a family bed, and honestly i think its a little weird /forums/images/graemlins/dunno.gif cant think of any other way to explain my opinion. what i think you should do is let them sleep in a crib in your room for awhile then once they start sleeping a little better on there own, put them in there own room and if they have a bad dream or cant sleep allow them to sleep with you. i remember it being very comforting to sleep in my parents room after a bad dream but the next day i was fine. so give them there own rooms and bed to sleep in and allow them in your room when they get bad dreams is what my opinion is. thats what my parents did for me and my sister. hope my input helps /forums/images/graemlins/thumb.gif
     
  10. Resurrection_Joe

    Resurrection_Joe 1 ton status

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    Let em stay up 'will whenever, make sure they're too tired to see when they go to bed and they'll sleep in the bathtub if need be
     
  11. K5Jimmy

    K5Jimmy 1/2 ton status

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    I got more of a problem with dogs in the bed...especially 3 of 'em....that's just Nasty...
     
  12. justhorsinaround

    justhorsinaround 3/4 ton status

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    FWIW, we've never let the kids sleep with us. Now maybe we've been lucky but here's the story. We have twins, one boy and one girl. When they were newborns they slept in the same crib as they were little, little ones and the crib was in our room. This is the lucky part. From about two months on they slept through the night and after a month they got their own room still the same crib. A couple of weeks later they slept in separate cribs same room.
    Prolly around 9 months we moved into a three bedroom house and hence separate rooms. We've never had a problem and they both toddle off to their own rooms when it's bed time. I really can't imagine havin all of us in the same bed. I guess I was always afraid of squashin them as we are both pretty sound sleepers. Occasionally, first thing in the mornin they'll cruise on in and we'll cuddle for a bit but that's it.

    I'd get the kids in their own bedrooms pronto. In the long run I think you'll be better off and certainly more rested.

    On the bedtime issue, we've never, ever had a strict bedtimes or mealtimes or anything like that. My sisters kids are all hacked if they don't eat by lunch by 1 or dinner by 6 and I really wanted to avoid that. But anyway, usually, it depends on what's goin on the next day. If there's nuthin all that important they usually stay up as late as they want or more importantly when we want. It's good to have time away from the little munchkins for a bit before sleep. We've had family over before with all their kids and we've found ourselves up until midnight plus and the kids were just fine and woke up bright and cheery the next mornin. Obviously not every night, but every so often it isn't gonna hurt anythin.

    Again this is just my experience and opinion but there you have it.
     
  13. boggerless

    boggerless 1 ton status Premium Member

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    my three year old son sleeps in his own bed, but every once in awhile he gets up and ends up in ours,(the wife to tired to put him back in his).HAVEING HIM AHUNDRED AND TEN POUND DOG AND MY WIFE SUCKS. it's a queen size and there is always someone on me.sleep is my favorite thing in the world.i move to much for a crowd.as for staying up late once in awhile LG will stay up till 11.00PM and then hes out. /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif /forums/images/graemlins/k5.gifto /forums/images/graemlins/truck.gif
     
  14. 350350

    350350 1/2 ton status

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    [ QUOTE ]

    We keep our own bed,as much as we can, to ourselves.
    [​IMG]

    [/ QUOTE ]

    I left out a couple of important bits of information in my original post!

    /forums/images/graemlins/k5.gif First, my Wife and I are NOT, in no way shape or form, intimate anymore. Not even a kiss goodnight. In fact, I worry about what affects the lack of affection between us has on the kids more than I do about the affects the 'Family Bed' has on them...

    /forums/images/graemlins/k5.gif Second, I have some sort of undeniable yet somewhat undefined health problems which leave the Doctors and I at somewhat of a loss as to what to do on a daily basis to try to avoid either the somewhat imminent Stroke or Massive Corrinary that could step up and take me for a one way trip at any time. For this reason I tend to enjoy every minute I can with my kids, even if that means breaking some old and popular rules such as with the 'Family Bed' issue.

    But in any case, we aren't the average family, so it isn't that out of the ordinary for ust to enjoy something is strange as 2 kids, 2 adults, and 3 Beagles sharing a bed every night. My health seems to improve with more/better sleep, so I'm trying to take a shot at sleeping more/better for a while to help it imrove and hope it stays improves, and dare I dream, let it stay improved.

    I know the 'Family Bed' issue isn't in the mainstream a popular one, nor does it have the popular majority following it. We sort of fell into it without realizing what was happening until it was already well in place, and my health situaton makes it difficult to concentrate on anything that doesn't result in death or extreme injury.

    I greatly appreciate all of your input without any harsh words, flames, or judgement. A lot has been said already that has been very helpful, and please keep the stories and personal experiences coming, since my Wife and I have been reading them with great interest so far.

    For tonight, I'm off to find my slot in the bed. Tomorrow night, who konws... I may find that the guest bed has my name on it! /forums/images/graemlins/eek.gif !!!

    I'll be anxiously waiting to read more throughout the day tomorrow...

    Sincerely,
    Mr. and Mrs. Paul Xavier Dearringer
     
  15. uglychevyZZ4

    uglychevyZZ4 3/4 ton status

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    [ QUOTE ]
    HUNDRED AND TEN POUND DOG AND MY WIFE SUCKS.

    [/ QUOTE ] /forums/images/graemlins/shocked.gif /forums/images/graemlins/shocked.gif /forums/images/graemlins/shocked.gif ew /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif
     
  16. boggerless

    boggerless 1 ton status Premium Member

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    /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gifalright poor editing on my part /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/k5.gifto /forums/images/graemlins/truck.gif
     
  17. 350350

    350350 1/2 ton status

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    [ QUOTE ]
    I got more of a problem with dogs in the bed...especially 3 of 'em....that's just Nasty...

    [/ QUOTE ]

    OK, them's fightin' words!!!

    Nah, I understand... I grew up in the country, and we had outside dogs. Never could understand why anyone would want a dog in their house.

    And then I met a Woman. Need I say more or can I just stop there? /forums/images/graemlins/shocked.gif She grew up in the city with dogs in the house, and wanted a Beagle Pup so so so bad... After I graduated from college, I bought a house about 6 monnths later. For her birthday that year I told her she could get 2 Beagle Pups.

    Long story, years later, another Beagle later which we HAD to rescue from the pound, and now *I* have to sleep on the side of the bed with the dogs on it, because she doesn't want dogs on *Her* side of the bed!!! She's the one that wanted them in the first place!!!

    She still bathes them though but that's about it. Otherwise they're *My* dogs. The Boy Loves them though and for that reason alone they're worth having arond. They're great dogs and actually very clean. They spend most of their time inside so don't have much time to get dirty, even if they wanted to. And Ol' Baxter is 38 pounds of warm fur on a cold winter night, which is outstanding compared to the old blanket I have to use since the Wife doesn't want doghair on any of the *Good* blankets... And remember, She's the one who had to have them, and I'm the one who is fulfilling the responsibility one takes on when taking on a dog, let alone 3 dogs!!!

    So I hear ya and I would have agreed with you several years ago... A DOG in my BED??? I don't think so!!! /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif

    And now look at me. There's at least one of them on me every night, up against my back, the crook of my knees, etc. They're also very well behaved and trained, which makes a world of difference, and they do very well with the kids, playing tag in the house and such...

    In Summary, Yes, I Caved... /forums/images/graemlins/doah.gif

    Paul 'X' /forums/images/graemlins/1zhelp.gif
     
  18. boggerless

    boggerless 1 ton status Premium Member

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    lack of intamacy will affect your kids,i've seen it in my son.even if you and your wife pretend, /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gifmy wife and i prayed for your health tohight. what are the symtoms? have the doctors check your thyroids that was my wifes problem with her heart,she spent four days in the cardiac ward before they found out it was her thyroids /forums/images/graemlins/doah.gif /forums/images/graemlins/ears.gif /forums/images/graemlins/k5.gifto /forums/images/graemlins/truck.gif
     
  19. 350350

    350350 1/2 ton status

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    [ QUOTE ]
    lack of intamacy will affect your kids,i've seen it in my son.even if you and your wife pretend, /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gifmy wife and i prayed for your health tohight. what are the symtoms? have the doctors check your thyroids that was my wifes problem with her heart,she spent four days in the cardiac ward before they found out it was her thyroids /forums/images/graemlins/doah.gif /forums/images/graemlins/ears.gif /forums/images/graemlins/k5.gifto /forums/images/graemlins/truck.gif

    [/ QUOTE ]

    My health swings drastically for no apparent reason here and there. Sometimes to the degree of hospitalization, like with your Wife. I just recently had my thyroid checked and it was fine. Doc says my kidneys and liver show some heavy duty wear and tear, even though I don't smoke, drink, or use illegal drugs. I would venture to guess that the drugs he prescribes for me are just as damaging as illegal drugs are, only without the positive side effects like euphoria, and are probably what is heating up my internals. In any case, he finds no reason for the extra wear and tear.

    My symptoms... If I told you all of them you'd think I was an 80 year old woman! Basically though I have most of the textbook signs of a brain tumor. I have blackouts, numbness in the fingertips and toes of one side or the other, trouble speaking sometimes, balance problems, vomiting without cause or notice, etc. Symptomes come and go as quickly as within minutes, or as slowly as over the course of a week. Sometimes they last for a month or more. I've been on disability leave before, and even on Social Security Disability for brief periods. I'll be fine for 6 months, then in disabling pain for a year. It's pretty hard to hold a job when these things come and go at random.

    Anyways, nobody seems to know, and I've been to faith healers, every kind of specialist known to man, taken every medication ever made, tried every goofy trick and home remedy ever heard of, and nothing has even really helped even a little bit. I even had neurosurgery on my spine that was supposed to kill off the nerves that allowed pain signals to reach my brain!

    So hopefully that explains why the 'little things' like keeping the kids up past their bed time, don't bother me much... I have much greater things weighing on my mind, and in fact watching a movie late with my Son will definitely subdue those thoughts for another hour. An hour of peace rather than an hour of tossing and turning wondering what he'll do without me should I take the big dirt nap. And there's no guarantee that will happen. I may live to be 100. Nobody can give me a direct answer on the subject. I've had so many MRI's and CAT scans with NO signs of tumors or any abnormality that I wonder if it's all my imagination sometimes. It's hard to think that it's even possible for a person to imagine such pain, but I suppose anything is possible.

    Also note that in the last post I wrote above, there are a million typos and grammatical errors. That is not at all like me. I rarely make typos, and always proofread my work before posting, or turning it in to the boss, or whatever. I missed so many obvious things last night it's ludicrous. That's another symptom that something is not right in my head. Only it's sign of a mental illness that is a permanent defect, not something that should come and go as it does with me. I'm a real fun Guinnea Pig for the doctors, let me tell you...

    Anyways, the whole point of the post was to get unbiased opinions from people who DON'T have brain tumors so that I can do the right thing for the kids, should I have to take early leave and they need to follow Mom's rules exclusively. Damn it to Hell, it really sucks to think I may not get to see my kids grow up. I couldn't care less about anything else in life. But thank you for your thoughts and prayers and advice.

    I also hear you about the affection thing. I know it's important for the kids to see parental affection. I'm working on that one too. So damn many things on my plate and only one human to work on them.

    More as Breaking News Develops...

    Paul and Family
     
  20. big pappa b

    big pappa b 3/4 ton status

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    Paul, regarding the liver problem. How you ever tried doing a liver/gall bladder cleanse? It's about a 12hr process. Stock up on TP /forums/images/graemlins/deal.gif There is a great website, you may have checked it before, The CureZone I've done them before with good success and make it a habit to do them at least 1-2 times a year..sometimes more.
    Just a thought

    Bryan
     

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