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Sexual Calorie Counter

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by Muddytazz, Oct 7, 2003.

  1. Muddytazz

    Muddytazz 1 ton status

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    It has been known for many years that sex is good exercise, but until recently nobody had made a scientific of the calorie expenditure of different sexual activities. Now after original and proprietary research they are proud to present the results:

    REMOVING HER CLOTHES:
    With her consent.........................12 Calories
    Without her consent......................187 Calories

    OPENING HER BRA:
    With both hands..........................8 Calories
    With one hand............................12 Calories
    With your teeth..........................85 Calories

    PUTTING ON A CONDOM:
    With an erection.........................6 Calories
    Without an erection......................315 Calories

    PRELIMINARIES:
    Trying to find the clitoris.............8 Calories
    Trying to find the G-spot...............92 Calories

    POSITIONS:
    Missionary..............................12 Calories
    69 laying down..........................78 Calories
    69 standing up..........................112 Calories
    Wheelbarrow.............................216 Calories
    Doggie Style............................326 Calories
    Italian Chandeliar......................912 Calories

    ORGASMIC:
    Real....................................112 Calories
    Fake....................................315 Calories

    POST ORGASM:
    Lying in bed hugging....................18 Calories
    Getting up immediately..................36 Calories
    Explaining why you got out of bed immediately..........816 Calories

    GETTING A SECOND ERECTION: If you are:
    20 - 29 years old........................36 Calories
    30 - 39 years old........................80 Calories
    40 - 49 years old........................124 Calories
    50 - 59 years old........................972 Calories
    60 - 69 years old........................2916 Calories
    70 and over..............................Results are still pending

    DRESSING UP AFTERWARDS:
    Calmly.................................32 Calories
    In a hurry.............................98 Calories
    With her father knocking at the door..........1218 Calories
    With your wife knocking at the door...........3521 Calories
     
  2. ramjet gmc

    ramjet gmc CK5 Staff Staff Member Moderator GMOTM Winner

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    With her father knocking at the door..........1218 Calories


    been ther /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif
     
  3. mudhog

    mudhog THEGAME Staff Member Super Moderator

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    /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif
     
  4. FatBoyBlazer

    FatBoyBlazer 1/2 ton status

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    how bout trying to do it quietly so your parent don't here /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif
     
  5. 84_Chevy_K10

    84_Chevy_K10 Banned

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    trying to do it quietly so your parents don't hear-5 calories. Since you hardly get to do anything at all, you don't expend much energy.
     
  6. FatBoyBlazer

    FatBoyBlazer 1/2 ton status

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    damit /forums/images/graemlins/mad.gif
     
  7. 84_Chevy_K10

    84_Chevy_K10 Banned

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    hey man, i know how you feel...i live in my dad's basement.
     
  8. FatBoyBlazer

    FatBoyBlazer 1/2 ton status

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    atleast you weren't righth above the family room trying to be quiet /forums/images/graemlins/thumb.gif
    but now ive got an apartment but no girl /forums/images/graemlins/frown.gif
     
  9. Leadfoot

    Leadfoot 1/2 ton status Premium Member

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    [ QUOTE ]
    Italian Chandeliar

    [/ QUOTE ]

    I have heard of the others and/or done them, but what the heck is the Italian Chandelier?
     
  10. FatBoyBlazer

    FatBoyBlazer 1/2 ton status

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  11. Twiz

    Twiz 1/2 ton status

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    [ QUOTE ]
    hey man, i know how you feel...i live in my dad's basement.

    [/ QUOTE ]

    Still ?
    Are they ever gonna let you out ?
    /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif
     
  12. Leadfoot

    Leadfoot 1/2 ton status Premium Member

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    /forums/images/graemlins/eek.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/ignore.gif
     
  13. Leadfoot

    Leadfoot 1/2 ton status Premium Member

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    I liked this explanation better:

    Italian Chandelier - This is when you stand up and have a chick suck your di** while you munch her b**. Caution: this may cause back injury with a fat chick
     
  14. FatBoyBlazer

    FatBoyBlazer 1/2 ton status

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    /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif
     
  15. 350350

    350350 1/2 ton status

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    [ QUOTE ]
    With her father knocking at the door..........1218 Calories


    been ther /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif

    [/ QUOTE ]

    High School Girlfriend's parents went out of town for a few days. Came back a day early. We were in the shower for about a half hour and stepped out of the bathroom to see her parents sitting at the kitchen table at the other end of the hall. /forums/images/graemlins/eek.gif Her Dad never liked me after that... /forums/images/graemlins/1zhelp.gif

    15,248 Calories to get dressed and walk out of the house past angry father... /forums/images/graemlins/shocked.gif
     

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