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some laughs

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by GORRILLA, Jul 27, 2003.

  1. GORRILLA

    GORRILLA 1/2 ton status

    Joined:
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    Posts:
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    Location:
    TX panhandle, out at the river.
    > Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?
    > Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should
    > not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then
    > we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I
    > would not live forever," --Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA
    > contest [wanna bet on her hair color]?
    >
    >
    > "Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids
    > all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny
    > like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff,"
    > -- Mariah Carey [now we know why she's such a sensitive person]
    >
    >
    > "Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part
    > of your life,"
    > -- Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for a
    > federal antismoking campaign.
    >
    >
    >
    > "I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body,"
    > ! --Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.
    >
    >
    > "Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the
    > lowest crime rates in the country,"
    > -- Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC. [it helps to
    > read crime stats when you're stoned]
    >
    >
    > "That scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a
    > jackass, and I'm just the one to do it,"
    > -- A congressional candidate in Texas.
    >
    >
    > "I don't feel we did wrong in taking this great
    > country away from them. There were great numbers of
    > people who needed new land, and the Indians were
    > selfishly trying to keep it for themselves."
    > -- John Wayne [just because they've been here 10,000
    > years, you'd think they had rights or something]
    >
    >
    > "Half this game is ninety percent mental."
    > -- Philadelphia! Phillies manager, Danny Ozark [Danny
    > was never really good at the stats part of baseball]
    >
    >
    > "It isn't pollution that's harming the environment.
    >
    > It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."
    > -- Al Gore, Vice President
    >
    >
    > "If you let that sort of thing go on, your bread and
    > butter will be cut right out from under your feet,"
    > -- Former British foreign minister, Ernest Bevin.
    >
    >
    > "I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix."
    > -- Dan Quayle [days like this....I really miss Dan]
    >
    >
    > "We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?"
    > -- Lee Iacocca [not all of us can afford mink-lined oxygen masks, Lee]
    >
    >
    > "I was provided with additional input that was
    > radically different from the truth. I assisted in furthering that
    version,"
    > -- Colonel Oliver North, from his Iran-Contra testimony. [Lied Say it
    > slowly,
    > Ollie....L-I-E-D]
    >
    >
    > "The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A
    > genius is a guy like Norman Einstein,"
    > -- A sports analyst.
    >
    >
    > "We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of
    > people."
    > -- Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor.
    >
    >
    > "If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."
    > -- ! Bill Clinton, President
    >
    >
    > "We are ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur."
    > -- Al Gore, VP
    >
    >
    > "Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas."
    > -- Keppel Enderbery
    >
    >
    > "The loss of life will be irreplaceable."
    > -- Dan Quayle
    >
    >
    > "I was recently on a tour of Latin America, and the
    > only regret I have is that I didn't study my Latin
    > harder in school so I could converse with those people."
    > -! - Dan Quayle, VP [I mean it, I really do miss him!]
    >
    > "It is wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago!"
    > -- Dan Quayle, VP
    >
    >
    > "Hawaii is a unique state. It is a small state. It is
    > a state that is by itself. It is different from the
    > other 49 states. Well, all states are different, but
    > it's got a particularly unique situation."
    > -- Dan Quayle, VP [they made him swim home after that one]
    >
    >
    > "Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992
    >
    > because we received notice that you passed away. May
    > God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your
    circumstances."
    > -- Department of Social Services, Greenville, South
    > Carolina [right after you call the New York Times]
    >
    >
    > "We apologize for the error in last week's paper in
    > which we stated that Mr. Arnold Dogbody was a
    > defective in the police force. We meant, of course,
    > that Mr. Dogbody is a detective in the police farce."
    > -- Correction Notice in the Ely Standard, a British newspaper
    >
    >
    > "If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack
    > in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor
    > their heart throughout the night. And the next
    > morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record."
    > -- Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman [and they'll cut off your food stamps]
    >
     
  2. MTBLAZER89

    MTBLAZER89 3/4 ton status GMOTM Winner

    Joined:
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  3. Muddytazz

    Muddytazz 1 ton status

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Salem, Or.
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  4. Topdown

    Topdown 1/2 ton status

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Vancouver, Washington, U.S.A
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  5. mudhog

    mudhog THEGAME Staff Member Super Moderator

    Joined:
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    Posts:
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    Location:
    portland oregon
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