some reflections

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by Espen88k5, Jan 14, 2002.

  1. Espen88k5

    Espen88k5 1/2 ton status

    Feb 19, 2000
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    Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?

    > So if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the "Jags" and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the "Bucs", what does that make the Tennessee Titans?

    If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoys it?

    There are three religious truths: 1. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah. 2. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian faith. 3. Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store or at Hooters

    If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented? ....

    If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes? .

    Why do we say something is out of whack? What's a whack? ...

    Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery? ...

    If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled? ..

    If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular? ....

    When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts" and you put your two cents in . . . what happens to the other penny? ....

    Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker? ...

    Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread to begin with? ...

    When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say? ....

    Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a race car not called a racist? ....

    Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites? ...

    Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things? ...

    Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one? ...

    "I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence? ....

    If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons barked, and dry cleaners depressed? .>

    Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks? ...

    What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men? ...

    I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me . . they're cramming for their final exam.

    I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks? ...

    Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?

    If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for? ...

    You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive. ...

    No one ever says, "It's only a game" when their team is winning. ...

    Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?

    Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.

    If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose? ....

    <font color=red><a target="_blank" href=></a></font color=red>
  2. UseYourBlinker

    UseYourBlinker 1 ton status

    Jun 7, 2000
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    It makes you go .....hhhhhhmmmmmmmmm

    from Freekmont,CA.

    <a target="_blank" href=>The darker side of nonsense...</a>
  3. chevyfumes

    chevyfumes Court jester

    Feb 24, 2000
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    Watch for the muzzleflash!
    thanks Espen I needed that...[​IMG]

    <font color=blue> I'd rather have a bottle in front of me, than a frontal lobotomy!
  4. jimmyjack

    jimmyjack 1/2 ton status

    May 11, 2000
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    Tucson Az
    Those are great! I like the bald guy one. One more for the list

    Why do we park in a driveway and drive on a parkway?

    That jeep thing? Yah I understand it....... Like my Blazer? <a target="_blank" href=></a>
  5. NE79

    NE79 1/2 ton status

    Mar 10, 2000
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    Nebraska City, NE
    Surely you've all heard the one about the braile(sp?) on the drive up ATM's.
    My question is, with only a video display to tell you what to do, why do any ATM's have braile?
    Also, does anyone else hate it when they're called ATM machines? I'm going to call that one in to the Society for the wiping out and elimination of superfluous redundancy.
    Oh, and i won't call you Shirley anymore!


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