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SUBJECT: Monthly Report

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by Z3PR, Jun 5, 2002.

  1. Z3PR

    Z3PR Banned

    Joined:
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    Location:
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    SUBJECT: Monthly Report
    DATE: 03/13/00
    FROM: wife@lonely.com
    TO: hubby@home_alone.com

    Dear Hubby,

    Honey, we need to talk! "DON'T" click another URL until you've read this...please.

    Since you're always busy, I'm using the computer at the library to send you this email. It's been months since
    you've spent anytime with the family. Actually, we are all getting a little worried about you. Your legs won't
    straighten out and your eyes are blood red now. I really think you should stop sleeping in that chair even
    though we did have it made into a recliner
    with a keyboard tray and extra padding.

    Remember when I wanted your attention and put too much Viagra in your coffee.......well.... surprise.... we're
    having twins. Have you recovered from that exhausting few days yet? I haven't .....and will "NEVER" do that
    again no matter how lonely I get!

    Oh yes.....the doctor said the catheter has to come out hun. You can't leave it in there any longer. You'll have
    to stop and go to the bathroom or start using your urinal again. Sorry! And.......the leak wasn't the
    waterbed.....we don't have a waterbed!

    The kids are all fine. I loaded their school pictures on your web site so you can see how much they have
    grown. Click on the button that says "Surprise, we've grown up". Jack said he'd trim your beard for you next
    week. Susie felt so bad when she upset your lunch on the keyboard. Bless her heart, she's like your
    mother....she's a few fries short of a complete Happy
    Meal but she tries. I hope everything is working okay now.

    Oh yes, you don't need to worry about the mouse I wanted you to kill. I got him with one of your golf clubs. The
    club is a little bent now.....hope that doesn't hurt it. It's kind of like a kinked slinky.

    I'll write again once the twins are born. Ed, our insurance salesman, is taking me and the kids on a trip so
    take care. We'll be back in a couple of weeks. Remember not to put both contact lenses in the same eye!

    Love,
    Your Wife


    ________________________________________________

    a village in South Africa there was a young man who was what some people call a
    Cassanova, good with the ladies. He had all kinds of ladies. He liked them all, fat ones,
    short ones, skinny ones, didn't matter. The trouble was that he had a true love, a virgin
    that he was saving for marriage. This innocent virgin, her name was Mary, did not know
    anything about sex. Of course our Tiger of the Village wanted to keep things that way.
    Well, finally they were married and on the wedding night Mary was very impressed with
    sex. She told her new husband that she did not know a man was built that way.What a
    wonderful thing men had to please women. Our Tiger did not want her to think that all
    men were the same, so he told her, "I tell you something, Honey, I am the only man in the
    world with such a thing." She believed him.The "Tiger" of the village was a sheep herder
    and had to go to the hills for weeks at a time. He had been gone for a couple of weeks
    when he came back and began to look for his new bride. When he got to their hut she
    wasn't there. He then went down through the village looking for her."Mary, Mary, where
    are you?" Finally, he meets up with her on the street. Mary appears to be very angry and
    frustrated."You son-of-a-bitch, you bastard, you good for nothing!!" and begins to hit and
    fight with him. "Hey whoa, what's the matter baby, what did I do? I didn't do nothing.
    Why are you mad at me?" our Tiger asks.Mary says, "Yeah, you [censored], you know
    Sancho, the lazy one from across the street? Well, he has one also" and she points to his
    genitals. Our hero thinks about it, she must have seen this guy taking a leak. "Hey
    Honey, I tell you something, you know what? Sancho, he is my best friend. I used to have
    two of them and since Sancho is my friend, I give him one."Our Tiger is all smiles and goes
    over to hug Mary.Mary is now angrier and begins to punch him over and over. "You stupid
    man, you dumb ass," she yells at him, "YOU GAVE HIM THE BEST ONE!!"
     

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