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Swift Boat Veterinarians For Truth

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by gjk5, Aug 10, 2004.

  1. gjk5

    gjk5 3/4 ton status

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    If you didn't watch the DNC you probably missed Kerry's daughters speeches, thought this little bit was kinda funny:


    Today a group of Massachusetts animal-care professionals, Swift Boat Veterinarians for Truth, launched an advertising campaign to counter claims made by John Kerry's family concerning his heroism and the family dog's misconduct in the alleged near-death of a hamster. A script of the advertisement follows:

    "Hamster" (0:60)

    Alexandra Kerry (video from Democratic National Convention): We were standing on a dock waiting for a boat to take us on a summer trip. Vanessa, the scientist, had packed all her animals including her favorite hamster. Our overzealous golden retriever got tangled in his leash and knocked the hamster cage off the dock. We watched as Licorice, the unlucky hamster, bubbled down to a watery doom. … But my dad jumped in, grabbed an oar, fished the cage from the water, hunched over the soggy hamster and began to administer CPR.

    Vet No. 1: I was on that boat coming to pick up John Kerry.


    Vet No. 2: John Kerry has not been honest about what happened.

    Vet No. 1: He's lying about the hamster.

    Vet No. 3: I know John Kerry is lying about the hamster, because I treated the hamster for that injury.

    (On-screen: X-ray)

    Vet No. 4: I took care of that retriever since he was a puppy. He would never hurt another living thing. John Kerry has besmirched the honor of every dog who ever served.

    (On-screen: guide dog leading veteran)

    Vet No. 1: I don't even think he had a dog. Never heard one. Maybe a cat. Even that far away, my eyesight's pretty good.

    Vet No. 5: He says it was a retriever. Well, retrievers go get things. That's what they do. The cage goes in the water, and the retriever doesn't go after it? Come on.

    Vet No. 2: There was no leash. I looked up when I heard the dog. Went back to the house and got my binoculars just to make sure. I think he kicked the damn thing in the water himself.

    (On-screen: caged hamster sinking)

    Vet No. 5: OK, tell me this. How do you hook that cage with an oar? You want to tell me how an oar fits through a hole a hamster can't get out of?

    Vet No. 4: The CPR thing. That kills me. I shook hands with that bastard once. Ever seen his fingers? Jesus. He probably crushed it right there if it wasn't dead already.

    (On-screen: rodent carcass on pavement)

    Vet No. 2: Yeah, I saw him do mouth-to-mouth once. Not on a hamster. Can we go off the record?

    Vet No. 3: He lied to the girls. He lied to his country.

    Vet No. 5: When the cage was in the water, you could not count on John Kerry.

    (On-screen: bubbles emerging to surface)

    Vet No. 4: He blamed the dog. He blamed the girls. Everyone but himself.

    (On-screen: bubbles cease)

    Announcer: Swift Boat Veterinarians for Truth is responsible for the content of this advertisement.
     
  2. Shaggy

    Shaggy 3/4 ton status

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    Haha, let's all point and laugh at the silly veterans because they disagree with John Kerry's verison of events. /forums/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif
     
  3. gjk5

    gjk5 3/4 ton status

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    I found it funny not because of the swiftvets, but because I heard that sappy-ass speech that his daughter gave, and it sounded just as implausible as Kerry's "war stories".

    I also don't think the author (William Saletan) was making fun of the swiftvets either, rather making fun of Kerry. /forums/images/graemlins/dunno.gif The author is one of the only moderately conservative writers on Slate.com, he does the "Kerryism" pieces that make fun of Kerry's roundabout method of bullsh*t.


    I dunno, I took it as poking fun at Kerry and the whole general hullabaloo over his "military record".
     
  4. Shaggy

    Shaggy 3/4 ton status

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    Ahh, the tone made it sound like it was actually something done at the convention. My mistake, carry on please... /forums/images/graemlins/doah.gif

    How the hell do you give CPR to a hamster?
     
  5. gjk5

    gjk5 3/4 ton status

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    Very carefully, those little buggers have sharp teef. /forums/images/graemlins/wink.gif

    Seriously though, you should have heard the speech that horse faced daughter gave (WHICH horse faced daughter you ask; who cares I say) it was the sappiest damn thing I've ever heard.

    After the hamster story was the "my dad and I made a tree out of copper wire for my dying Grandma" (cue heartwrenching violin music) /forums/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif almost as bad, but not quite.
     
  6. newyorkin

    newyorkin 1 ton status

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    We had a squirrel fall in our pool the other day, I fished it out with the net while the poor sucker was in it's death throes.

    My wife asked why I didn't give it CPR. I must not be presidential material. /forums/images/graemlins/frown.gif /forums/images/graemlins/blush.gif /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif

    I thought it was funny in an objective way. The hamster story was so corny and weak it sounded made up, so using it to show character is funny all by itself, it doesn't need to be made fun of.
    It does sound like it's poking more fun at the SBVFT than Kerry, but I don't think thier message is weak enough that a little jabbing at it will totally deflate it.
     

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