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SWM Seeking SHF (Single Human Female)

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by 350350, Dec 14, 2006.

  1. 350350

    350350 1/2 ton status

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    After watching others through marriage and divorce, and now my own divorce, I actually know what women want!!! They don't want the nice, sensitive, man who is in touch with his feelings! They don't want you to cry in front of them. They don't want any of the things they tell you they want, nor do they really know what they want at all.

    So, I'm seeking a Single, Human Female, no more than 120 pounds, depending on your weight. Blonde hair, blue eyes, sweet as pie, wouldn't hurt a fly.

    In return, I promise to do all of the following:

    Beat you when I come home drunk from a 3-day bender...

    Kick your dog...

    Sleep with your friends, no matter how ugly they are.

    Spend every penny you earn on drugs and alcohol, and every penny you can beg, borrow, or steal from your friends and family...

    NEVER meet your parents, although I'll promise to countless times and then disappoint you every time I don't show up. And each time you'll be surprised.

    I will try and try to get you pregnant but neglect to tell you that I have had a vascectomy.

    My research has shown that this manner of treating a woman will net me one Ultra Hot Blonde that I will NEVER be able to get rid of, because I will promise her time and time again that it will never happen again, I'm sorry, and I really am going to change this time!!!

    I tried the promise to care for my Wife through Sickness and in Health, through richer and poorer, but it turns out that she isn't real big on caring for illness or loving a person who doesn't have money. Thus, I got sick and therefore didn't have any money, and *poof* she was gone, and I'm spending every penny I have to keep custody of my children.

    This new look at things is sure to get me a great relationship...:doah:
     
  2. beater_k20

    beater_k20 Banned

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    how many pages will this one go? were you dead again?
     
  3. chevyfumes

    chevyfumes Court jester

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    Chit I just shot a boogie out my nose....:haha:
     
  4. surpip

    surpip 1 ton status

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    you are a very strange person
     
  5. thatK30guy

    thatK30guy 1 ton status Premium Member

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    This one is good. I'm printing this off to show it to my lawyer for a good laugh.

    Then I might mail a copy to the ex-wife and her family. Without a return address that is.
     
  6. 350350

    350350 1/2 ton status

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    Thanks Man, several derogatory posts and ONE person got the humor of it. This is just for fun, as I promised before. If you don't like my long posts, put me on your 'ignore' list. Don't write to tell me how much of yoru time I wasted... :rolleyes: Crap in someone elses's yard for goodness sakes...

    The rest of you, I'm still waiting on my Blonde/Blue-Eyed Wench!!! You all know one who lives with a fat, worthless, POS but he can't get rid of her regardless of her Ferrarri or her good looks!!! :eek1: Please give her my email addy!!!
     
  7. 79k20350

    79k20350 3/4 ton status

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    Some women are :screwy::screwy::screwy::screwy: Well they all are... some just mroe than others:crazy:
     
  8. chevyfumes

    chevyfumes Court jester

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    Sorry dooder I wasn't trying to be nasty , that was funny chit, cracked me up...It wasn't long winded and it was readable this time...
     
  9. 350350

    350350 1/2 ton status

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    We're Cool... Had a major victory today and the Wife may be going away for a while soon, getting better by the minute. Nothing's gonna bring me down tomorrow...
     
  10. boggerless

    boggerless 1 ton status Premium Member

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    info bro.:ears:
     
  11. chevyfumes

    chevyfumes Court jester

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    Oh for the record I can clearly see your nuts...Now get outta that seran wrap and put some clothes on dood...:D
     
  12. 350350

    350350 1/2 ton status

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    Fumes you old Dog!!! You don't remember me but we had some heated, joking, good posts going before. Hell, how do you think I got almost 1000 posts in the past 2 weeks???
     
  13. 79k20350

    79k20350 3/4 ton status

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    Old one but still funny:haha::haha:
     
  14. thatK30guy

    thatK30guy 1 ton status Premium Member

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    By doing a lot of worthless padding? :doah: :haha:
     
  15. 350350

    350350 1/2 ton status

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    I meant BESIDES the obvious!!! :rolleyes:
     
  16. 350350

    350350 1/2 ton status

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    I meant BESIDES the obvious ones!!! :rolleyes:
     

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