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The Complete Military History of France

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by Bubba Ray Boudreaux, Feb 12, 2003.

  1. Bubba Ray Boudreaux

    Bubba Ray Boudreaux 1 ton status

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    Gallic Wars - Lost. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000
    years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an
    Italian.
    Hundred Years War - Mostly lost, saved at last by female
    schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French
    Warfare; "France's armies are
    victorious only when not led by a Frenchman."
    Italian Wars - Lost. France becomes the first and only
    country to
    ever lose two wars when fighting Italians.
    Wars of Religion - France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots
    Thirty Years War - France is technically not a participant,
    but
    manages to get invaded anyway. Claims a tie on the basis that
    eventually the other
    participants started ignoring her.
    War of Devolution - Tied. Frenchmen take to wearing red
    flowerpots
    as chapeaux.
    The Dutch War - Tied
    War of the Augsburg League/King William's War/French and
    Indian War
    - Lost, but claimed as a tie. Three ties in a row induces deluded
    Frogophiles
    the world over to label the period as the height of French military
    power.
    War of the Spanish Succession - Lost. The War also gave the
    French
    their first taste of a Marlborough, which they have loved every
    since.
    American Revolution - In a move that will become quite
    familiar to
    future Americans, France claims a win even though the English
    colonists saw far
    more action. This is later known as "de Gaulle Syndrome", and leads
    to the
    Second Rule of French Warfare; "France only wins when America does
    most of
    the fighting."
    French Revolution - Won, primarily due the fact that the
    opponent
    was also French.
    The Napoleonic Wars - Lost. Temporary victories (remember the
    First
    Rule!) due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match
    for a
    British footwear designer.
    The Franco-Prussian War - Lost. Germany first plays the role
    of
    drunk Frat boy to France's ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night.
    World War I - Tied and on the way to losing, France is saved
    by the
    United States. Thousands of French women find out what it's like to
    not only
    sleep with a winner, but one who doesn't call her "Fraulein." Sadly,
    widespread use of condoms by American forces forestalls any
    improvement in
    the French bloodline.
    World War II - Lost. Conquered French liberated by the United
    States
    and Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song.
    War in Indochina - Lost. French forces plead sickness, take
    to bed
    with the Dien Bien Flu
    Algerian Rebellion - Lost. Loss marks the first defeat of a
    western
    army by a Non-Turkic Muslim force since the Crusades, and produces
    the First Rule
    of Muslim Warfare; "We can always beat the French." This rule is
    identical
    to the First Rules of the Italians, Russians, Germans, English,
    Dutch,
    Spanish, Vietnamese and Esquimaux.
    War on Terrorism - France, keeping in mind its recent
    history,
    surrenders to Germans and Muslims just to be safe. Attempts to
    surrender to Vietnamese
    ambassador fail after he takes refuge in a McDonald's.

    The question for any country silly enough to count on the French
    should
    not be "Can we count on the French?", but rather "How long until
    France
    collapses?"
     
  2. schmuck

    schmuck 1/2 ton status

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    yep their a bunch of tea drinking pussies
     
  3. Swanson52

    Swanson52 1/2 ton status

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    I was watching 'Crossfire' this evening and those guys let the fags from France have it. They still refuse to support Turkey, and rebuffed the evidence Powell gave today that continues to prove Iraq has ties to Al Queda. They'll be sorry when we send the Boy Scouts over there to take over the country.
     
  4. Corey 78K5

    Corey 78K5 1 ton status

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    After the sh!t them a-holes have done latly I'm putting a personal ban on all French/German products. **** them they want everyones money but then they dont want to pony up when it counts.
     
  5. afroman006

    afroman006 1/2 ton status

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    LOL, one of my soccer teammates got that a few days ago and printed it out and brought it to school today. Our coach is French, we will be running tomorow, it was worth it. /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif
     
  6. Bubba Ray Boudreaux

    Bubba Ray Boudreaux 1 ton status

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    </font><blockquote><font class="small">In reply to:</font><hr />
    LOL, one of my soccer teammates got that a few days ago and printed it out and brought it to school today. Our coach is French, we will be running tomorow, it was worth it.

    [/ QUOTE ]
    Ya ought to print out that magazine cover that <font color="orange">shewheeler </font color> posted and give that to him too. /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif
     
  7. Triaged

    Triaged 1/2 ton status

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    </font><blockquote><font class="small">In reply to:</font><hr />
    I'm putting a personal ban on all French/German products

    [/ QUOTE ]

    Do the french make ANYTHING?
    I guess you will have to stop eating
    french frys
    french toast
    and maybe even
    french kissing
     
  8. Corey 78K5

    Corey 78K5 1 ton status

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    Yoplet yogert
    Bayer asprin
    Some real crappy cars
    </font><blockquote><font class="small">In reply to:</font><hr />
    Do the french make ANYTHING?


    [/ QUOTE ]
    I'll have to see what else they make or own.
     

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