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The Lark Program

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by cbbr, Mar 13, 2006.

  1. cbbr

    cbbr 1 ton status GMOTM Winner

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    A Lady libertarian wrote a lot of letters to the White House complaining
    about the treatment of a captive insurgent (terrorist) being held in
    Guantanamo Bay. She received back the following reply:

    The White House
    1600 Pennsylvania Avenue
    Washington, D.C. 20016

    Dear Concerned Citizen,

    Thank you for your recent letter roundly criticizing our treatment of the
    Taliban and Al Quaeda detainees currently being held at Guantanamo Bay,
    Cuba.

    Our administration takes these matters seriously and your opinion was heard
    loud and clear here in Washington.
    You'll be pleased to learn that, thanks to the concerns of citizens like
    yourself, we are creating a new division of the Terrorist Retraining
    Program, to be called the "Liberals Accept Responsibility for Killers"
    program, or LARK for short.

    In accordance with the guidelines of this new program, we have decided to
    place one terrorist under your personal care. Your personal detainee has
    been selected and scheduled for transportation under heavily armed guard to your residence next Monday.

    Ali Mohammed Ahmed bin Mahmud (you can just call him Ahmed) is to be cared for pursuant to the standards you personally demanded in your letter of complaint. It will likely be necessary for you to hire some assistant
    caretakers.

    We will conduct weekly inspections to ensure that your
    standards of care for Ahmed are Commensurate with those
    you so strongly recommended in your letter.

    Although Ahmed is a sociopath and extremely violent, we
    hope that your sensitivity to what you described as his
    "attitudinal problem" will help him overcome these
    character flaws. Perhaps you are correct in describing
    these problems as mere cultural differences. We
    understand that you plan to offer counseling and home
    schooling.

    Your adopted terrorist is extremely proficient in
    hand-to-hand combat and can extinguish human life with
    such simple items as a pencil or nail clippers. We
    advise that you do not ask him to demonstrate these
    skills at your next yoga group. He is also expert at
    making a wide variety of explosive devices from common
    household products, so you may wish to keep those items
    locked up, unless (in your opinion) this might offend
    him.

    Ahmed will not wish to interact with you or your
    daughters (except sexually), since he views females as
    a subhuman form of property. This is a particularly
    sensitive subject for him and he has been known to show
    violent tendencies around women who fail to comply with
    the new dress code that he will recommend as more
    appropriate attire.
    I'm sure you will come to enjoy the anonymity offered
    by the burka -- over time.

    Just remember that it is all part of "respecting his
    culture and his religious beliefs" -- wasn't that how
    you put it?

    Thanks again for your letter. We truly appreciate it
    when folks like you keep us informed of the proper way
    to do our job. You take good care of Ahmed - and
    remember..we'll be watching.

    Good luck!

    Cordially, your friend,
    Don Rumsfeld
     
  2. OrangeCrushK10

    OrangeCrushK10 1/2 ton status

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    Really haven't seen this one in a while!
     
  3. cbbr

    cbbr 1 ton status GMOTM Winner

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    Oh crap. Looks like a better search might have been been a good idea.:doah:
     
  4. Leper

    Leper 1/2 ton status

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    Possibly the first time I have seen this.
     
  5. gjk5

    gjk5 3/4 ton status

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    OK, I've never seen it but what the hell.
     
  6. OrangeCrushK10

    OrangeCrushK10 1/2 ton status

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  7. ryoken

    ryoken Puppy Fabricator Premium Member GMOTM Winner

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    Still quite funny tho... i wish they actually sent letters like that out... :haha:
     

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