> 1. Thou shalt not rent the movie Chocolat > > 2. Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella. > > 3. Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be > legally killed and eaten by his fellow partygoers. > > 4. When you are queried by a buddy's wife, girlfriend, mother, > father, priest, shrink, dentist, accountant or dog walker, you > need not and should not provide any useful information > whatsoever as to his whereabouts. You are permitted to > deny his very existence. > > 5. Unless he murdered someone in your immediate family, you > must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours. > > 6. You may exaggerate any anecdote told in a bar by 50 percent > without recrimination; beyond that, anyone within earshot is > allowed to call B.S. (Exception: When trying to pick up a woman, > the allowable exaggeration rate rises to 400 percent) > > 7. If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off > limits forever. > > 8. The minimum amount of time you have to wait for another guy > who's running late is five minutes. For a woman, you are > required to wait 10 minutes for every point of hotness she scores > on the classic 1 - 10 scale. > > 9. Bitching about the brand of free beer in a buddy's refrigerator > is forbidden. You may gripe if the temperature is unsuitable. > > 10. No man is ever required to buy a birthday present for another > man. In fact, even remembering a friends birthday is strictly > optional. > > 11. Agreeing to distract the ugly friend of a hot babe your buddy > is trying to hook up with is your legal duty. Should you get > carried away by your good deed and end up together, your > pal is forbidden to speak of it, even at a bachelor party. > > 12. Before dating a buddy's ex, you are required to ask his > permission, and he, in turn, is required to grant it. > > 13. Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be > treated a spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the > game and the ability to pick a Buffalo wing clean. > > 14. If a man's zipper is down, that's his problem - you didn't > see nothin'. > > 15. The universal compensation for buddy's who help you > move is beer. > > 16. A man must never own a cat or like his girlfriend's cat. > > 17. Your girlfriend must bond with your buddy's girlfriends > within 30 minutes of meeting them. You are not required > to make nice with her gal pal's significant others - low > level sports bonding is all the law requires. > > 18. When stumbling upon other guys watching a sports event, > you may always ask the score of the game in progress, but > you may never ask who's playing. > > 19. When your girlfriend/wife expresses a desire to fix her whiny > friend up with your pal, you may give her the go-ahead only if > you'll be able to warn your buddy and give time to prepare > excuses about joining the priesthood. > > 20. It is permissible to consume a fruity drink only when you are > sunning on a tropical beach...and it's delivered by a topless > supermodel...and it's free. > > 21. Unless you're in prison, never fight naked. > > 22. A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman > must remain sober enough to fight. > > 23. If a buddy is outnumbered, outmanned or too drunk to fight, you > must jump into the fight. Exception: If within the last 24 hours > his > his actions have caused you to think: "What this guy needs is a > good ass-whoopin'." Then you may sit back and enjoy. > > 24. Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or or the last slice of > pizza, > but not both. That's just plain mean. > > 25. If you compliment a guy on his six pack, you better be referring to > his beer. > 26. Never talk to a man in the bathroom. > > 27. If a buddy is already singing along to a song in the car, you may > not join him. > > 28. Before allowing a drunken friend to cheat on his girl, you must > attempt one intervention. If he is able to get on his feet, look > you > in the eye, and deliver a "leave me alone" you are absolved of > your responsibility.