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The 'new' church...

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by tRustyK5, Mar 28, 2002.

  1. tRustyK5

    tRustyK5 Big meanie Staff Member Super Moderator GMOTM Winner Author

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    The \'new\' church...

    This may be slightly offensive to people with strong religious belief's...it is very funny though
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    A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he
    could hardly speak.
    After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.
    The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about
    getting nervous on the
    pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water
    glass.
    If I start to get nervous, I take a sip."
    So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At
    the beginning of the
    sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded
    to talk up a storm. Upon his return to his office after mass, he found
    the following note on
    the door:
    1. Sip the Vodka, don't gulp.
    2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.
    3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.
    4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
    5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
    6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J. C.
    7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred
    to as Daddy, Junior and the Spook.
    8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the crap out of him.
    9. When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off
    his donkey,don't say he was stoned off his ass.
    10. We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."
    11. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he
    said, "Take this and eat it for it is my body." He did not say "Eat me"
    12. The Virgin Mary is not called "Mary with the
    Cherry,"
    13. The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for
    the grub, yeah God.
    14. Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's, not
    a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's

    Rene
     
  2. Donna

    Donna 1/2 ton status

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    Re: The \'new\' church...

    LMAO!!!!!!!!!!! That's a very good one Rene.
     
  3. mudhog

    mudhog THEGAME Staff Member Super Moderator

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    Re: The \'new\' church...

    lmao!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    by the way i love your sig line /forums/images/icons/smile.gif
     
  4. tRustyK5

    tRustyK5 Big meanie Staff Member Super Moderator GMOTM Winner Author

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    Re: The \'new\' church...

    I'd love to change my sig line a bit...

    need $ first though/forums/images/icons/smile.gif

    Rene
     
  5. thatK30guy

    thatK30guy 1 ton status Premium Member

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    Re: The \'new\' church...

    /forums/images/icons/laugh.gif ROTFLMFAO!! /forums/images/icons/laugh.gif

    OOOPPS!! /forums/images/icons/blush.gif

    Good one to break the latest crap about the "beliefs." /forums/images/icons/wink.gif
     
  6. Emmettology 101

    Emmettology 101 3/4 ton status

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    Re: The \'new\' church...

    LOL, thats a good one!! /forums/images/icons/smile.gif
     
  7. Burbinator

    Burbinator 1/2 ton status

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    Re: The \'new\' church...

    LMAO!!!

    Good one, Rene...
     
  8. Can Can

    Can Can Pusher Man Staff Member Super Moderator

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    Re: The \'new\' church...

    TEEHEE!!!! Gotta love a good church joke!!! I hope you don't get attacked for "offending" people, though- there seems to be alot of that going on lately......../forums/images/icons/wink.gif
     
  9. blazen91

    blazen91 1/2 ton status

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    Re: The \'new\' church...

    If that offends someone, o-well. That is funny. I think I will pass it on to my pastor. He a good since of humor!!!
     
  10. Donna

    Donna 1/2 ton status

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    Re: The \'new\' church...

    I had the pastor's wife send me that joke a while back. And I ain't offended by it! ! !
     
  11. Ddragggon

    Ddragggon 1/2 ton status

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    Re: The \'new\' church...

    <blockquote><font class="small">In reply to:</font><hr>

    7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred
    to as Daddy, Junior and the Spook.


    <hr></blockquote>
    ... the hell? I thought they were...

    an oldie but a goodie,

    -Rich
     
  12. ChevyCaGal

    ChevyCaGal 3/4 ton status

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    Re: The \'new\' church...

    That's been around for years. First I ever heard it was at a Youth For Christ staff meeting we had when I worked with them.... it hung on the wall for weeks and made us all laugh about it! /forums/images/icons/smile.gif None of us were offended... but then again we worked with Jr High kids so we all were a bit offensive ourselves to put up with them! /forums/images/icons/smile.gif
     

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