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The perfect day... (ADULT CONTENT!)

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by jarheadk5, Jun 28, 2004.

  1. jarheadk5

    jarheadk5 1/2 ton status

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    THE PERFECT DAY FOR HER

    8:15 - Wake up to hugs and kisses
    8:30 - Weigh in 2 pounds lighter than yesterday
    8:45 - Breakfast in bed, freshly squeezed orange juice and croissants - open presents, expensive jewelry chosen by thoughtful partner
    9:15 - Soothing hot bath with frangipani bath oil
    10:30 - Light work out at club with sexy funny personal trainer
    11:30 - Facial, manicure, shampoo, condition, blow dry
    12:30 - Lunch with best friend at fashionable outdoor cafe
    12:45 - Catch sight of partner's ex and notice she has gained 17 pounds
    1:15 - Shopping with friends, unlimited credit
    3:00 - Nap
    4:00 - Three dozen roses delivered by florist, card is from secret admirer
    4:15 - Light work out at club, followed by massage from strong but gentle hunk, who says he rarely gets to work on such a perfect body
    5:30 - Choose outfit from expensive designer wardrobe, parade before full length mirror
    7:00 - Candle lit dinner for two followed by dancing, with compliments received from other diners/dancers
    10:00 - Hot shower (alone)
    10:50 - Carried to bed . . . (freshly ironed, crisp, new, white linen)
    11:00 - Pillow talk, light touching and cuddling
    11:15 - Fall asleep in his big strong arms



    THE PERFECT DAY FOR HIM

    6:00 - Alarm
    6:15 - Blow job
    6:30 - Massive satisfying sh!t while reading the sports section
    7:00 - Breakfast: steak and eggs, coffee and toast, all cooked by semi-naked, buxom wench who bends over a lot showing her snapper!
    7:30 - Limo arrives
    7:45 - Several beers en-route to airport
    8:30 - Flight in personal Lear Jet
    9:30 - Limo to Mirage Resort Golf Club (blow job en-route)
    9:45 - Play front nine - 2 under
    11:45 - Lunch: steak and lobster, 3 beers and a bottle of Dom Perignon
    12:15 - Blow job
    12:30 - Play back nine - 4 under
    2:15 - Limo back to the airport (several bourbons)
    2:30 - Fly to Bahamas--nap en-route
    3:30 - Late afternoon fishing excursion with all female crew, all nude who also bend over a lot displaying their snappers!
    4:30 - Land world record Marlin (1234lbs) - on light tackle
    5:00 - Fly home, massage, and hand job by naked Elle McPherson (bending over, naturally).
    6:45 - Sh!t, Shower and Shave
    7:00 - Watch news: Michael Jackson assassinated
    7:30 - Dinner: lobster appetizers, Dom Perignon (1953), big juicy filet steak, followed by ice cream served on a big pair of tits
    9:00 - Napoleon Brandy and Havana cigar in front of wall-size TV as you watch football game
    9:30 - Sex with three women (all with lesbian tendencies... some bending over)
    11:00 - Massage and Jacuzzi with tasty pizza snacks and a cleansing beer
    11:30 - A night cap blow job
    11:45 - In bed alone
    11:50 - A 22 second fart which changes note 4 times and forces the cat to leave the room
    11:51 - Laugh yourself to sleep
     
  2. 84gmcjimmy

    84gmcjimmy 1 ton status

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    Wimmen are boring /forums/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif
     
  3. sickquad

    sickquad 1/2 ton status

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    I was just thinking the same thing.

    -Chris
     
  4. white-rhyno

    white-rhyno 1/2 ton status

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    [ QUOTE ]
    11:50 - A 22 second fart which changes note 4 times and forces the cat to leave the room
    11:51 - Laugh yourself to sleep

    [/ QUOTE ]
    I've done that........
     
  5. chevyfumes

    chevyfumes Court jester

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    Watch for the muzzleflash!
    /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/waytogo.gif
     
  6. Stickseler

    Stickseler 3/4 ton status

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    /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif Thats great
     
  7. behemoth

    behemoth 1/2 ton status

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    /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/waytogo.gif /forums/images/graemlins/waytogo.gif /forums/images/graemlins/bow.gif /forums/images/graemlins/bow.gif /forums/images/graemlins/bow.gif
     
  8. unclematty

    unclematty 1/2 ton status

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    I just fell out the chair laughin. /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif
     
  9. 84_Chevy_K10

    84_Chevy_K10 Banned

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    I printed this to take it to work.....this is absolutely hilarious.
     
  10. uao85

    uao85 1/2 ton status

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    I just realized what my perfect day would be like, you should be a psychic........really, you could be like that jamaican lady who reads tarrot cards on what ever channel she is on. you have just made my day.

    Remington
     
  11. fortcollinsram

    fortcollinsram 1/2 ton status

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    [ QUOTE ]
    I printed this to take it to work.....this is absolutely hilarious.

    [/ QUOTE ]

    Ditto /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif
     
  12. Muddytazz

    Muddytazz 1 ton status

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    OMG that was to damn funny /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif
     
  13. WakeBoard&4X4er

    WakeBoard&4X4er 1/2 ton status

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    THE PERFECT DAY FOR HER
    % of Woman that have that happen, about 49.6%

    THE PERFECT DAY FOR HIM
    % of Man that have that happen, about 0.000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000049%
     
  14. BlazerGuy

    BlazerGuy 3/4 ton status

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    [ QUOTE ]
    6:30 - Massive satisfying sh!t while reading the sports section

    [/ QUOTE ]

    I love this one! Except I do that 3-4 times a day...

    I've also been known for this on occasion...

    11:50 - A 22 second fart which changes note 4 times and forces the cat to leave the room
     
  15. jarheadk5

    jarheadk5 1/2 ton status

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    Of all the people who send me humor email (and there's a lot of 'em)...





    My mother sent me that one.

    /forums/images/graemlins/thinking.gif /forums/images/graemlins/thinking.gif /forums/images/graemlins/whistling.gif /forums/images/graemlins/whistling.gif
     
  16. BamBamblazer

    BamBamblazer 1/2 ton status

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    I note one thing that needs to be changed, The 11:50 entry on the male list needs to read wife , not cat. /forums/images/graemlins/whistling.gif /forums/images/graemlins/yikes.gif
     
  17. beater_k20

    beater_k20 Banned

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    [ QUOTE ]
    Wimmen are boring /forums/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif

    [/ QUOTE ]

    yet again....




    ...nevermind you know what i'm going to say. /forums/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif
     
  18. 84gmcjimmy

    84gmcjimmy 1 ton status

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    [ QUOTE ]
    [ QUOTE ]
    Wimmen are boring /forums/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif

    [/ QUOTE ]

    yet again....




    ...nevermind you know what i'm going to say. /forums/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif

    [/ QUOTE ]

    /forums/images/graemlins/yikes.gif /forums/images/graemlins/yikes.gif /forums/images/graemlins/shame.gif /forums/images/graemlins/shame.gif /forums/images/graemlins/yikes.gif /forums/images/graemlins/yikes.gif
     
  19. 84_Chevy_K10

    84_Chevy_K10 Banned

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    [ QUOTE ]
    [ QUOTE ]
    Wimmen are boring /forums/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif

    [/ QUOTE ]

    yet again....




    ...nevermind you know what i'm going to say. /forums/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif

    [/ QUOTE ]

    Were you going to say, "Don't knock it 'til you try it?" /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif
     

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